Quaxelrod.com: the official @MayorEmanuel archive.

@MayorEmanuel was a satirical Twitter account that turned the 2011 Chicago Mayoral Election into real-time literature. From making snow angels on the frozen ice of Lake Michigan, to dancing with the ghost of Curtis Mayfield, to its emotional climax at the edge of space-time itself, the Tweets of @MayorEmanuel offered a highly profane, hilariously surreal--and, at times oddly moving--look at this historic election, this larger-than-life persona, redemption, sacrifice, and the lasting bonds of both friendship and civic pride. This archive offers the original Tweets in chronological order and with contextual @replies where possible. Tweets authored by @dansinker.

  1. fuck you right in your fucking face-hole. Monday, September 27, 2010 09:52:09 PM via Tweetie for Mac
  2. Someone tell those fuckwads at @politico to shut their fucking trap, or I'll fucking END THEM. Monday, September 27, 2010 10:11:12 PM via Tweetie for Mac
  3. Someone tell @joshtpm to shut his asshole before I have to hop an Acela Express and do it my goddamn self. Monday, September 27, 2010 10:29:16 PM via Seesmic for Android
  4. Hey @ourmaninchicago, I got something you can one-and-done. Monday, September 27, 2010 10:31:04 PM via Seesmic for Android
  5. If the Bears fuck this up, my entire platform is going to revolve around burning that stadium to the fucking ground. Monday, September 27, 2010 10:34:24 PM via Seesmic for Android
  6. Goddamn right Bears win. Monday, September 27, 2010 10:48:25 PM via Seesmic for Android
  7. Hey @jaketapper, you wanna talk "breaking," how about I break my foot off inside your colon? Monday, September 27, 2010 10:58:01 PM via Seesmic for Android
  8. I swear to god, if I never have to see another cherry blossom as long as I goddamn live, it'll still be too fucking soon. Monday, September 27, 2010 11:06:24 PM via Seesmic for Android
  9. rstevens
     
    Before I go sleep, I want you to know that @MayorEmanuel rules. (with an iron fist) Monday, September 27, 2010 11:17:52 PM via Tweetie for Mac
  10. @rstevens that sounds about fucking right. Monday, September 27, 2010 11:20:18 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to rstevens
  11. Fuck-sucking douchenuts. Monday, September 27, 2010 11:24:33 PM via Seesmic for Android
  12. chitownpolitics
    Slats Lonigan
    RT @dansinker: RT @MayorEmanuel: Someone tell those fuckwads at @politico to shut their fucking trap, or I'll fucking END THEM. Monday, September 27, 2010 11:24:32 PM via TweetDeck
  13. @chitownpolitics I'll end you too, in a fucking heartbeat. Just so we understand each other. Monday, September 27, 2010 11:27:29 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to chitownpolitics
  14. FakeDavidMamet
    Not D Mamet
    @MayorEmanuel I Shuffle, You Cut. Monday, September 27, 2010 11:30:22 PM via web
  15. .@FakeDavidMamet fuck you and your fucking fake account. Monday, September 27, 2010 11:31:15 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to FakeDavidMamet
  16. FakeDavidMamet
    Not D Mamet
    @MayorEmanuel Fuck me, pal? Or what? Your brother takes away my driving privledges, puts, puts, puts Lindsay Lohan in Redbelt 2? Monday, September 27, 2010 11:37:30 PM via web
  17. @FakeDavidMamet it's only words, unless they're motherfucking true. Monday, September 27, 2010 11:40:36 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to FakeDavidMamet
  18. DanielLibit
    Daniel Libit
    Fake #Rahm-for-Mayor Account (@MayorEmanuel): check. All that's left is an official announcement. Monday, September 27, 2010 11:37:50 PM via web
  19. @DanielLibit yeah, and I'm sure the "Chicago News Cooperative" (the fuck: do you sit around braiding each other's hair?) gets right on that. Monday, September 27, 2010 11:43:48 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to DanielLibit
  20. thomascbowen
    Thomas C. Bowen
    @speakermadigan will you be following @MayorEmanuel? Monday, September 27, 2010 11:46:19 PM via ÜberTwitter
  21. @thomascbowen fuck that @speakermadigan douchecannon right in his earhole. Monday, September 27, 2010 11:49:32 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to thomascbowen
  22. eaglie
    Eaglie/Andy D.
    BEST RETWEET EVER!!! RT @EgyTweets RT @eaglie: There will be a new Pharaoh in Egypt! Hail, Rahmses the First, @MayorEmanuel! Monday, September 27, 2010 11:56:36 PM via web
  23. @eaglie we're trying to get a peace deal brokered. Don't start provoking the fucking Egypt auto-tweet account and fuck it all up for us. Monday, September 27, 2010 11:59:33 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to eaglie
  24. Shit-screw you in your fucking cock-hole. Tuesday, September 28, 2010 12:07:17 AM via Seesmic for Android
  25. SennettReport
    Frank Sennett
    @MayorEmanuel Thank you for elevating the discourse on Twitter. Tuesday, September 28, 2010 12:12:44 AM via TweetDeck in reply to MayorEmanuel
  26. @SennettReport you'll be thanking me for a whole lot more than fucking that come February. Tuesday, September 28, 2010 12:15:32 AM via Seesmic for Android in reply to SennettReport
  27. ericzieg
    Eric Ziegenhagen
    @MayorEmanuel What about the meters? Tuesday, September 28, 2010 12:17:54 AM via web
  28. @ericzieg Fuck the fucking meters. Have you looked, even for a second, at the debt? The meters are a cock-hair in an ocean of shit Tuesday, September 28, 2010 12:21:35 AM via Seesmic for Android in reply to ericzieg
  29. cloaker
    Pete Bray
    rahm emanuel considers the chief of staff position as a stepping stone?! some swagger to that dude. Tuesday, September 28, 2010 12:26:19 AM via TweetDeck
  30. @cloaker I'll show you some fucking swagger. Tuesday, September 28, 2010 12:30:54 AM via Seesmic for Android in reply to cloaker
  31. cloaker
    Pete Bray
    @MayorEmanuel what is your first order of business going to be as mayor?! ;) Tuesday, September 28, 2010 12:35:21 AM via TweetDeck in reply to MayorEmanuel
  32. @cloaker take a streaming dump in Daley's old toilet, naturally. Tuesday, September 28, 2010 12:37:41 AM via Seesmic for Android in reply to cloaker
  33. Cocking shit-shiners it's late. Tuesday, September 28, 2010 12:43:32 AM via Seesmic for Android
  34. Also, Sneed: stop talking about yourself in the third person or I swear to god, I will break my dick off and fuck you in the hair follicles. Tuesday, September 28, 2010 07:37:46 AM via Twitterrific
  35. AmyJacobson
    Amy Jacobson
    Rahm Emanuel will resign this Friday but where will he live? https://www.suntimes.com/news/sneed/2752062,CST-NWS-SNEED28.article Tuesday, September 28, 2010 07:34:09 AM via web
  36. @amyjacobson where will I live? I'll just roll out a sleeping bag and sleep in the middle of their fucking bed. Who's house? Rahm's house! Tuesday, September 28, 2010 07:41:05 AM via Twitterrific in reply to AmyJacobson
  37. .@BIAk_xs_THE_ you need to shut your motherfucking spam account down right now, or I swear I will crawl through the wires and do it for you Tuesday, September 28, 2010 07:46:06 AM via Twitterrific
  38. You know who I'm not going to miss at all? Mich McConnell. That guy is the king of the fucking pansy-shitters. Tuesday, September 28, 2010 07:50:48 AM via Twitterrific
  39. jsb
    john bracken
    If you care about the future of Chicago and are not following @MayorEmanuel what the f is your problem? Tuesday, September 28, 2010 07:51:13 AM via Twitter for iPhone
  40. @jsb "care about the future of Chicago"? How about the puking PRESENT of Chicago? It's ass-handles like you that make me glad to leave DC Tuesday, September 28, 2010 07:57:10 AM via Twitterrific in reply to jsb
  41. Some mornings coffee is like standing underneath a twat-rainbow while fucking a thousand puppies in the mouth. Tuesday, September 28, 2010 08:22:32 AM via Twitterrific
  42. spielfogel
    David Spielfogel
    Or if you want to get yelled at. RT @jsb: If you care about future of Chicago & are not following @MayorEmanuel what the f is your problem? Tuesday, September 28, 2010 08:21:06 AM via TweetDeck
  43. @spielfogel just give me a fucking reason to yell. Tuesday, September 28, 2010 08:25:39 AM via Twitterrific in reply to spielfogel
  44. gapersblock
    Gapers Block
    Mayor Rahm's Already on Twitter: @MayorEmanuel is as NSFW as you'd expect it to be. (Meanwhile, @MayorRahm is... https://dlvr.it/64S9Q Tuesday, September 28, 2010 08:32:04 AM via dlvr.it
  45. @gapersblock I'm keeping my eye on you kids. Step outta line and I'll get my NSFW all over your fucking keyboard. Tuesday, September 28, 2010 08:39:20 AM via Twitterrific in reply to gapersblock
  46. stringbot
    Josh Davison
    If you live in Chicago and you aren't following @MayorEmanuel you are not engaged in PROPER CIVIC FUCKING DISCOURSE #pointingstubbyfinger Tuesday, September 28, 2010 08:56:32 AM via web
  47. @stringbot that sounds about fucking right. Tuesday, September 28, 2010 09:15:06 AM via Tweetie for Mac in reply to stringbot
  48. Jesus shit-Christ is it awkward around the office today. Tuesday, September 28, 2010 09:24:03 AM via Seesmic for Android
  49. SennettReport
    Frank Sennett
    I'd like to RT @MayorEmanuel's piquant observations, but I'm afraid to offend tweeps' delicate sensibilities. He's making me laugh, though. Tuesday, September 28, 2010 09:38:00 AM via TweetDeck
  50. @SennettReport I got your "piquant" whenever you want it, Frank. Just bend over. Tuesday, September 28, 2010 09:40:24 AM via Seesmic for Android in reply to SennettReport
  51. Wait a second: who the fuck holds a fucking election in Chicago in fucking FEBRUARY? Tuesday, September 28, 2010 09:42:49 AM via Seesmic for Android
  52. We're all supposed to go out their with our dicks swinging in the snow? Tuesday, September 28, 2010 09:45:54 AM via Seesmic for Android
  53. cubsfanrpt
    Cubs Fan Report
    @MayorEmanuel We haven't announced our endorsement yet, but it'd be good to have a #Cubs fan in charge again Tuesday, September 28, 2010 09:52:45 AM via HootSuite
  54. @cubsfanrpt yeah, well if you could work on them to stop holding their cocks and start holding some bats, that'd be great. Tuesday, September 28, 2010 09:55:59 AM via Seesmic for Android in reply to cubsfanrpt
  55. cubsfanrpt
    Cubs Fan Report
    @MayorEmanuel We'll do you a favor & sign you up for some of Zambrano's anger management sessions right away Tuesday, September 28, 2010 10:00:57 AM via HootSuite in reply to MayorEmanuel
  56. @cubsfanrpt don't do me any fucking favors Tuesday, September 28, 2010 10:02:12 AM via Seesmic for Android in reply to cubsfanrpt
  57. Tony_Bosco
    Tony
    The @MayorEmanuel parody reminds me of Andrew Dice Clay. Unfunny fake anger by a closet case geek. Tuesday, September 28, 2010 10:03:10 AM via TweetDeck
  58. @Tony_Bosco how's that bankruptcy working out? Tuesday, September 28, 2010 10:04:19 AM via Seesmic for Android in reply to Tony_Bosco
  59. SamAbernethy
    Samantha
    If you like swear words and Chicago politics, follow @MayorEmanuel Tuesday, September 28, 2010 10:16:34 AM via Twitter for Android
  60. @SamAbernethy seems like a fucking redundancy, if you ask me Tuesday, September 28, 2010 10:17:29 AM via Seesmic for Android in reply to SamAbernethy
  61. emilyhilleren
    Emily
    Just blew the nice "666 following" count I had going for @MayorEmanuel. My Twitter feed might actually be more evil now. Tuesday, September 28, 2010 10:17:56 AM via web
  62. @emilyhilleren just drop one motherfucker. Problem solved. Tuesday, September 28, 2010 10:19:33 AM via Seesmic for Android in reply to emilyhilleren
  63. I will miss sneaking juice boxes with Sasha. Tuesday, September 28, 2010 12:01:36 PM via Seesmic for Android
  64. Most of the lunch briefing was spent deciding whether I should drive down K Street yelling "sionara, bitches!" Or "fuck you very much!" Tuesday, September 28, 2010 02:21:05 PM via Seesmic for Android
  65. Christ, the fuck train got derailed on its way to bullshit junction today. I blame Duncan. Tuesday, September 28, 2010 02:43:54 PM via Seesmic for Android
  66. Another thing about Duncan: for being so tall, that guy is a fucking pussy when it comes to the head-fake. Make him jump every goddamn time. Tuesday, September 28, 2010 02:50:11 PM via Seesmic for Android
  67. Axelrod tells me "Who replaced Chicago with this shitfest?" isn't a good slogan. Tuesday, September 28, 2010 03:32:45 PM via Seesmic for Android
  68. cock-clomping fuck-wasters Wednesday, September 29, 2010 07:43:39 AM via Tweetie for Mac
  69. I really fucking hope that I get to stay on hold with Comcast Chicago all goddamn day. Yes, please, transfer me again. Wednesday, September 29, 2010 09:31:31 AM via Tweetie for Mac
  70. So Axelrod is blathering on about a "new Burnham plan" and I just look him square in the eye and say, "fuck you, you fucking mustache-face" Wednesday, September 29, 2010 10:02:20 AM via Seesmic for Android
  71. LexInterior
    Alexis Peterka
    Would consider moving to Chicago to live in a city run by @MayorEmanuel. On second thought, Rahm? More temperate winters in Portland... Wednesday, September 29, 2010 10:38:04 AM via web
  72. @LexInterior I would rather punch myself in the cock every day than have to move to Portland fucking Oregon. Wednesday, September 29, 2010 10:40:03 AM via Seesmic for Android in reply to LexInterior
  73. EmilyRNunn
    emily nunn
    @MayorEmanuel Love you, Next Mayor. But it's Sayonara Wednesday, September 29, 2010 10:34:34 AM via web in reply to MayorEmanuel
  74. @nunncookchicago I got your sayonara right here. Wednesday, September 29, 2010 10:40:25 AM via Seesmic for Android in reply to EmilyRNunn
  75. I'm not a motherfucking giant Snoopy balloon, so I will not appear at your motherfucking parade. Wednesday, September 29, 2010 11:00:51 AM via Seesmic for Android
  76. Geithner never stops talking. You can be standing there, double birds in his face and your cock hanging out, and he's all blah blah blah... Wednesday, September 29, 2010 12:04:28 PM via Seesmic for Android
  77. fifteenideas
    kevin lynch
    @MayorEmanuel if you're not too busy not announcing your candidacy, check this out: https://foursquariancandidate.com/ Wednesday, September 29, 2010 01:20:06 PM via web
  78. @fifteenideas Like I'm going to take time out from running the fucking country to go look at your fucking site. Stick a mouse up your ass. Wednesday, September 29, 2010 01:41:45 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to fifteenideas
  79. I would rather lick the balls of the entire Chicago city counsel than have to deal with the fuck-nuggets in the House for another 10 minutes Wednesday, September 29, 2010 02:25:23 PM via Seesmic for Android
  80. PatQuinnsBrain
    Governor Pat Quinn
    @MayorEmanuel You still haven't kissed the ring of the most powerful Democrat in Illinois. Hint: That would be me. I am the Governor! Wednesday, September 29, 2010 02:53:17 PM via web
  81. @PatQuinnsBrain I got something you can kiss, you brain-dead fuck. Who elected you again? Wednesday, September 29, 2010 03:01:50 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to PatQuinnsBrain
  82. Fucking cum-fisted douche-faucets Wednesday, September 29, 2010 09:40:28 PM via Seesmic for Android
  83. Shitting cock-face, I stayed up way too late watching "Must Love Dogs" again. And I gotta deal with fucking Vilsack in the morning. Fuck me. Thursday, September 30, 2010 12:33:06 AM via web
  84. Cock Thursday, September 30, 2010 06:36:17 AM via Seesmic for Android
  85. -a-doodle-doo, assholes. Wake the fuck up. Thursday, September 30, 2010 06:37:11 AM via Seesmic for Android
  86. If Dick Mell leaves another VM promising to be a "kingmaker," I'm going to pry all the keys off this phone and stuff them up his urethera Thursday, September 30, 2010 08:13:03 AM via Seesmic for Android
  87. I walked into the briefing today, birds up, and said "Hey snatch-warblers, you've only got one day left with this bitch." It's official. Thursday, September 30, 2010 12:06:38 PM via Seesmic for Android
  88. Jesus fuck-Christ, I told them that if they're going to go with Rouse, they'll have to find another billion in the budget for donut runs. Thursday, September 30, 2010 12:19:10 PM via Seesmic for Android
  89. AndyM_Reyes
    Andy Reyes
    @MayorEmanuel you fucking cunt you run for mayor I'll fuck your mom Thursday, September 30, 2010 12:22:53 PM via Echofon
  90. @KidTronzy watch your fucking mouth you fucking douche-fuck. Thursday, September 30, 2010 12:24:12 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to AndyM_Reyes
  91. Apparently they went with Rouse because the potted fucking bamboo in the fucking East Room was too busy. Too bad, the bamboo says more. Thursday, September 30, 2010 12:32:25 PM via Seesmic for Android
  92. Another thing about Rouse: Hope you like your morning briefings around 11:45, because cock-asses that motherfucker can sleep in. Thursday, September 30, 2010 12:48:03 PM via Seesmic for Android
  93. ryanwynia
    Ryan Wynia
    I guess it's better than President Emmanuel. Introducing @MayorEmanuel (via @annatarkov) Thursday, September 30, 2010 01:13:25 PM via TweetDeck
  94. @ryanwynia give it a little time, ass-hammer Thursday, September 30, 2010 02:11:03 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to ryanwynia
  95. Gibbs keeps looking at me and his eyes well up, like he's eating the dong-berries right off the pussy-bush Thursday, September 30, 2010 02:15:30 PM via Seesmic for Android
  96. I would rather slam my dick in a door than look at the motherfucking yard sign samples Plouffe just emailed. Thursday, September 30, 2010 02:59:58 PM via Seesmic for Android
  97. SpeakerBachmann
    Speaker Bachmann
    @MayorEmanuel don't let my gavel hit you in the ass on the way out... Thursday, September 30, 2010 04:41:05 PM via Twitter for iPhone
  98. @SpeakerBachmann Lady, I have twenty-fucking-four hours before I can fucking tell you exactly what I fucking think of you. Thursday, September 30, 2010 04:52:42 PM via Tweetie for Mac in reply to SpeakerBachmann
  99. Salazar just came up with a fruit basket. Ken, unless you want me to insert these into your colon one-by-one, get the fuck out of my face. Thursday, September 30, 2010 04:58:37 PM via Twitterrific
  100. Been eating Fiber One all day so I've got enough shit to go around tomorrow. Lieberman, be sure to check your mail: you just got shit-boxed. Thursday, September 30, 2010 07:52:26 PM via Seesmic for Android
  101. SpeakerBachmann
    Speaker Bachmann
    @MayorEmanuel chased out of town by patriots, crawl back to your corrupt hole Thursday, September 30, 2010 07:56:12 PM via Twitter for iPad in reply to MayorEmanuel
  102. @SpeakerBachmann I would rather crawl back to my "corrupt hole" than be anywhere near yours. Thursday, September 30, 2010 09:03:47 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to SpeakerBachmann
  103. SpeakerBachmann
    Speaker Bachmann
    Hey #teaparty #patriots, remind @MayorEmanuel why his corrupt Chicago thug ways will not be missed! www.BachmannforSpeaker.com #gop #rahm Thursday, September 30, 2010 09:27:59 PM via Twitter for iPad
  104. @SpeakerBachmann You do realize you're fucking with a fucking fake account, right? You fucking crazy ass-tard. Thursday, September 30, 2010 09:46:15 PM via web in reply to SpeakerBachmann
  105. Last goddamn night in this fucking shit-coffin of a town. Thursday, September 30, 2010 10:19:44 PM via Twitterrific
  106. Thank god it's motherfucking shit-scratching cock-bleeding Friday. Friday, October 1, 2010 07:40:47 AM via web
  107. Dear Washington Press Corps, suck it out of my asshole, you fucking third-rate, cock-handed, twat-cobbler hacks. I will miss you not at all. Friday, October 1, 2010 08:58:44 AM via Seesmic for Android
  108. Hey Steny Hoyer, check your mail today: You just got shit-boxed. And I'm sure there's enough in there to pass around. Friday, October 1, 2010 09:04:13 AM via Seesmic for Android
  109. LaHood just pulled up in his fucking electric clown car. This fucking ceremony is going to last a dong-capping lifetime isn't it? Friday, October 1, 2010 09:15:12 AM via Seesmic for Android
  110. Rouse just waddled up, panting like a leg-fucking schnauzer. "Sorry I'm late." Yeah, you fuck-hat, I'm sure you are. Friday, October 1, 2010 09:32:43 AM via Seesmic for Android
  111. Only thing getting me through this fucking thing is knowing my shaking hand is covered in cock sweat. Friday, October 1, 2010 09:45:33 AM via Seesmic for Android
  112. Vilsack's halitosis is like breathing through a scuba tank full of dongs. Friday, October 1, 2010 10:01:05 AM via Seesmic for Android
  113. DCA > OR-MF-D Friday, October 1, 2010 10:37:31 AM via Seesmic for Android
  114. There is a pothole on the fucking Kennedy Expressway that I swear just made me cough up my sphincter Friday, October 1, 2010 03:47:15 PM via Seesmic for Android
  115. 23 cock-socked, twat-fingered voicemails from Plouffe. In two hours! How many more before he figures out I'm not fucking answering? Friday, October 1, 2010 04:26:44 PM via Seesmic for Android
  116. "Hey Rahm, David. I was thinking about strategies for the 32nd ward..." Fucking dick-trimming shit-sorcerers, I'm going to toss this phone. Friday, October 1, 2010 04:32:18 PM via Seesmic for Android
  117. BDayspring
    Brad Dayspring
    And Rahm's mayoral campaign might...just might... want to deal with the @MayorEmanuel twitter feed.... Just sayin' #couldcomebacktohauntya Friday, October 1, 2010 01:05:51 PM via HootSuite
  118. @BDayspring please-fucking pretty please with fucking sugar on top-tell me you have better things to do than follow fake accounts on twitter Friday, October 1, 2010 04:45:39 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to BDayspring
  119. @BDayspring ...because, and I'm fucking serious here, if you don't, I could send you and Cantor a fucking list to get you fucking started. Friday, October 1, 2010 04:48:23 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to BDayspring
  120. Home. I'm going to crack open this Half Acre tallboy, pop in "Serendipity," and put my feet up. Fuck all of you in your cock-soaked armpits. Friday, October 1, 2010 04:58:04 PM via Seesmic for Android
  121. jaketapper
    Jake Tapper
    wait...which one of @FakeRahmEmanuel @RahmforMayor and @MayorEmanuel is real??? y'all go fight it out. Friday, October 1, 2010 05:04:32 PM via web
  122. @jaketapper christ, that you even have to ask that question explains everything a person has to know about the fucking state of journalism Friday, October 1, 2010 05:16:27 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to jaketapper
  123. juggernautco
    Daniel X. O'Neil
    .@MayorEmanuel: theoretically, if I said you could kiss my ass re: waltzing in and becoming Mayor, what would happen next? Friday, October 1, 2010 04:58:49 PM via Twitter for BlackBerry®
  124. @juggernautco theoretically, I'd tell you that I've got something you could motherfucking waltz with, you fucking cock-stamp. Friday, October 1, 2010 05:18:13 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to juggernautco
  125. muff-shitting fuck-towers Saturday, October 2, 2010 09:46:05 AM via Seesmic for Android
  126. Thing I like about Quigley: that the dong-fountain calls me "sir." Thing I don't like: motherfucker thinks Saturday is a good day to drop by Saturday, October 2, 2010 10:00:01 AM via Seesmic for Android
  127. I would rather snap a mousetrap inside my own asshole than take a meeting with Jody fucking Weis. Saturday, October 2, 2010 04:12:01 PM via Seesmic for Android
  128. The top-fucking fuck-topper: Burke. Saturday, October 2, 2010 05:21:31 PM via Seesmic for Android
  129. Axelrod has been standing outside my house in the rain all fucking day. Stopped knocking hours ago. What a shit-sad moustache he's got on. Saturday, October 2, 2010 08:18:12 PM via web
  130. A cold, rainy October night? Someone tell Axelrod to pack his charts and head fucking home, I'm watching "1408." Boo, you fucking cock-tards Saturday, October 2, 2010 09:05:37 PM via web
  131. Holy fuck-smacks, where's the shit-coughing coffee? Sunday, October 3, 2010 08:33:44 AM via web
  132. 183 emails from Plouffe later, and the suck-fucking webtards still made a site that looks like Barack's: https://www.chicagoforrahm.com/ Sunday, October 3, 2010 01:30:32 PM via web
  133. brfreed
    Benjamin Freed
    Rahm Emanuel's official website is up and running. Nice fucking design, @MayorEmanuel: https://ow.ly/2NGLu Sunday, October 3, 2010 12:52:42 PM via HootSuite
  134. @brfreed let's see you do better, you fucking nut-flapper. Sunday, October 3, 2010 01:37:46 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to brfreed
  135. braak
     
    @megancarpentier @MayorEmanuel That's good, but "shit-sorcerers" is overburdened with "s"'s, which aren't preferred. Maybe "shit-wizards?" Sunday, October 3, 2010 10:49:45 AM via web in reply to megancarpentier
  136. @braak too many s's, huh? Suck my screaming shit-sack, you siamese suck-shrimp. Sunday, October 3, 2010 01:40:13 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to braak
  137. Axelrod's shooting my "special video announcement" (WTF?) for tomorrow. Wants me to say "Daley's stewardship" and I keep saying "sewer-shit" Sunday, October 3, 2010 01:47:54 PM via web
  138. windycitybeer
    C Daugherty
    Who thinks @MayorEmanuel should box with John Boehner as a campaign fundraiser? That would make my year! Sunday, October 3, 2010 01:56:08 PM via web
  139. @windycitybeer No fucking way. Touch that guy and you're wiping orange mystic tan off your hands for a motherfucking week. Sunday, October 3, 2010 02:03:36 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to windycitybeer
  140. If Axelrod says "...and action!" one more time like he's Martin fucking Scorsese I'm going to cram his Flipcam into his fucking colon. Sunday, October 3, 2010 02:43:55 PM via Seesmic for Android
  141. NikiConrad
    Miss Niki
    Hate to tell ya this, @MayorEmanuel, but the video's already up ... you f*cking ground up sack of jackass. https://ht.ly/2NJgH ;) Sunday, October 3, 2010 03:29:08 PM via HootSuite
  142. @NikiConrad yeah, because we're only making one fucking video. Head back to the lab, Albert fucking Einstein. Sunday, October 3, 2010 03:36:09 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to NikiConrad
  143. NikiConrad
    Miss Niki
    Nice try, @MayorEmanuel. "Axelrod's shooting my "special video announcement" (WTF?) for tomorrow." Move it along. Sunday, October 3, 2010 03:38:37 PM via HootSuite in reply to MayorEmanuel
  144. @NikiConrad I've got a special fucking announcement just for you: fuck you, you fuck-jogging cock-lump. Sunday, October 3, 2010 03:52:27 PM via web in reply to NikiConrad
  145. motherfucking dick-cramping fuck-jumpers Sunday, October 3, 2010 04:45:19 PM via web
  146. If Axelrod doesn't get back here with a Home Run Inn deep dish before the game starts, I'm going to dunk his fucking head in the fuck-tank. Sunday, October 3, 2010 06:36:59 PM via web
  147. Fortitude1913
     
    @MayorEmanuel Now I know with certainty this account is run by a non-Chicagoan: No one goes to Home Run Inn for deep dish! #thincrust Sunday, October 3, 2010 06:46:30 PM via Mobile Web in reply to MayorEmanuel
  148. @Fortitude1913 I've got a fucking "thin crust" you can gnaw on, you fucking cock-fizzle. Sunday, October 3, 2010 06:55:42 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to Fortitude1913
  149. megancarpentier
    Megan Carpentier
    Related: may try to think up curses to catch up with @MayorEmanuel , but keep getting "shit-weasels" stuck in my head. Sunday, October 3, 2010 05:57:20 PM via Twitter for BlackBerry®
  150. @megancarpentier I've got something you can "catch up" with, you fucking hyphenated curse-word. Sunday, October 3, 2010 06:57:46 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to megancarpentier
  151. (Deleted before I could archive it.)
  152. @sleidigh maybe not for YOU, you motherfucking dong-crusted shit-slurp Sunday, October 3, 2010 07:14:58 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to sleidigh
  153. Solis just stopped by and was all, "Oh, you guys are watching the game?" Now I'm chucking my chicken wing gristle at his huge fucking head. Sunday, October 3, 2010 08:25:29 PM via web
  154. Jesus fucking Christ-on-a-Cock, could this Bears game be any more fucking boring? Helen Shiller plays better motherfucking ball than this. Sunday, October 3, 2010 09:00:37 PM via web
  155. Plouffe emailed to say that even if my listening tour tomorrow is spent listening to cock-bulbs complain about this game, I still have to go Sunday, October 3, 2010 09:19:03 PM via web
  156. Fucking dong-choke, if I was invited to a zoning board meeting right now I'd go in a heartbeat--has to be more exciting than this game Sunday, October 3, 2010 09:26:03 PM via web
  157. Fuck this game right in its fucking shit-sack. Axelrod had the right idea: He fell asleep in the middle of the first quarter. Sunday, October 3, 2010 10:32:43 PM via web
  158. If this motherfucking listening tour doesn't start with listening to someone make me motherfucking breakfast, I'm gonna stomp a cock. Monday, October 4, 2010 07:26:30 AM via web
  159. I'm going to have to drink an entire fucking bottle of Purell when I get home from all this shit-blasting hand-shaking. Monday, October 4, 2010 10:33:41 AM via web
  160. Jesus shit-painting nut-Christ, February is way fucking far away. Monday, October 4, 2010 04:08:05 PM via Seesmic for Android
  161. What I learned on today's listening tour: You know what's wrong with Chicago? Every fucking motherfucking thing. Monday, October 4, 2010 04:32:28 PM via Seesmic for Android
  162. michaelroston
    Michael Roston
    @MayorEmanuel real Chicagoans disinfect w/a tall boy of Old Style you carpetbagging ex-Ravenswood resident Monday, October 4, 2010 06:45:14 PM via Twitter for iPhone in reply to MayorEmanuel
  163. @michaelroston you know what "real" Chicagoans fucking LOVE? Motherfucking ass-catchers from New York fucking City tellng them what they do Monday, October 4, 2010 07:17:11 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to michaelroston
  164. After consulting with this four-pack of Gossamer Ale, it's decided: Axelrod's mustache can do the fucking listening tour on its own tomorrow Monday, October 4, 2010 07:39:42 PM via Seesmic for Android
  165. frick-fucking crimp-cramming dick-jammers Monday, October 4, 2010 08:26:45 PM via web
  166. iambradk
    Brad Knollenberg
    @MayorEmanuel What are you going to do if they take you off the ballot because of your lack of Chicago housing? Monday, October 4, 2010 10:16:44 PM via web
  167. @iambradk they're not going to fucking take me off of fucking anything, you fucking muff-wish Monday, October 4, 2010 10:36:15 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to iambradk
  168. Jesus fuck-chomping Christ, everything's shit-shape today. Tuesday, October 5, 2010 08:32:32 AM via web
  169. Text from Plouffe: "try to grimace less when shaking hands." One of these days I'm going to give that motherfucker a reason to grimace. Tuesday, October 5, 2010 08:47:01 AM via web
  170. Who the fuck is in charge of cleaning the CTA stations? Because at this point I wouldn't mind taking a fucking meeting with that asshole. Tuesday, October 5, 2010 09:18:37 AM via Seesmic for Android
  171. Shitting-fuck-sausage. How do you fucking people eat like this? Tuesday, October 5, 2010 11:58:00 AM via Seesmic for Android
  172. "I'm not a bitch. I'm nothing you've heard. I'm you." Tuesday, October 5, 2010 12:42:25 PM via Seesmic for Android
  173. Please, fucking pretty please with fucking sugar on top, stuff your camera into my face again, you fucking snatch-hole. Tuesday, October 5, 2010 01:28:15 PM via Seesmic for Android
  174. Just fucking perfect: Axelrod's Civic just broke down in Chinatown. Again. Cock-stump. Tuesday, October 5, 2010 02:21:26 PM via Seesmic for Android
  175. Manny Flores just drove by and chucked a can at me while Axerod's trying to change this tire. Fucking. Worst. Fucking. Day. Fucking. Ever. Tuesday, October 5, 2010 03:10:45 PM via Seesmic for Android
  176. Christ, when this day is over, I'm going to devour an entire Eli's fucking cheesecake like I'm a motherfucking Cathy cartoon. Ack! Tuesday, October 5, 2010 03:32:53 PM via Seesmic for Android
  177. Cock-weeping shit-bananas Tuesday, October 5, 2010 05:05:07 PM via Seesmic for Android
  178. Shrimp-sock fish-cock. I'm done with this fucking day. Tuesday, October 5, 2010 08:12:30 PM via Seesmic for Android
  179. ciaraorourke
    Ciara O'Rourke
    I've started feeling sorry for David Axelrod's mustache since following @MayorEmanuel. Tuesday, October 5, 2010 08:27:20 PM via web
  180. @ciaraorourke believe me when I tell you that his moustache can fucking take it. That motherfucking thing will outlive us all. Tuesday, October 5, 2010 08:58:28 PM via web in reply to ciaraorourke
  181. Whichever one of you motherfuckers got me sick, you can go vote for Rickey fucking Hendon. To the rest of you--who's got some fucking soup? Wednesday, October 6, 2010 07:10:01 AM via web
  182. Harpsiii
    Jim Harper
    As @MayorEmanuel would say -new spin bikes fucking A fantastic but spin class music still bullshit. Wednesday, October 6, 2010 07:33:52 AM via Echofon
  183. @Harpsiii just so you know, I would never in a hundred-motherfucking-years say that. Wednesday, October 6, 2010 07:43:41 AM via web in reply to Harpsiii
  184. Sick, wearing nothing but a fucking bathrobe, going to meet with the Tribune Editorial Board. "That's their dress code," e-mails Plouffe. Wednesday, October 6, 2010 10:10:17 AM via web
  185. Apparently it's just me and Randy Michaels in bathrobes at the Tribune Tower. The king of the fucking ass-clowns. Great. Thanks, Plouffe. Wednesday, October 6, 2010 11:25:48 AM via web
  186. Michaels keeps interrupting the board's questions by standing up, opening his bathrobe and yelling "TALK TO THE COCK!!" Fucking fuck fuckers Wednesday, October 6, 2010 12:34:47 PM via web
  187. I would rather punch myself in the cock every hour on the hour than have to sit through something that humiliating again. Fucktard Tower. Wednesday, October 6, 2010 02:53:57 PM via Seesmic for Android
  188. Fucking fuck-shitting motherfucking shit-fuck motherfuckers. Wednesday, October 6, 2010 03:17:34 PM via Seesmic for Android
  189. katrinacabrera
    Katrina Cabrera
    @MayorEmanuel looks like you have some competition from @chitraderrob on www.foursquariancandidate.com. how does that make you feel? Wednesday, October 6, 2010 05:37:08 PM via web
  190. @katrinacabrera I could give a fucking motherfucking fuck. Wednesday, October 6, 2010 05:44:56 PM via Tweetie for Mac in reply to katrinacabrera
  191. Yes alderman, I am fucking delighted to have dinner at Harold's Chicken Shack. These motherfucking arteries aren't going to clog themselves Wednesday, October 6, 2010 05:54:01 PM via web
  192. JessicaGalliart
    Jessica Galliart
    @mayoremanuel We did some of the legwork for your campaign with these ads/posters on @TSJFeed. You're welcome, dick. https://bit.ly/alZsX7 Wednesday, October 6, 2010 05:58:02 PM via web
  193. @JessicaGalliart Fuck off. Plouffe's already got seven dozen poster variations up his ass. I don't need your motherfucking posters too. Wednesday, October 6, 2010 06:01:51 PM via web in reply to JessicaGalliart
  194. Waguespack keeps jogging by my house. Little short-shorts. I'm just standing in the front yard, birds up, waiting for the motherfucker. Wednesday, October 6, 2010 07:49:31 PM via web
  195. MATTVAS
    Matt Vasilogambros
    So, @MayorEmanuel was funny for one day ... now his tweets just makes me sad. Wednesday, October 6, 2010 07:53:24 PM via web
  196. @MATTVAS the unfollow button's right over there, motherfucker. Wednesday, October 6, 2010 07:54:31 PM via web in reply to MATTVAS
  197. scarpetablog
    Sharna Marcus
    @MayorEmanuel would love to hear your thoughts on alexi and mark :) Wednesday, October 6, 2010 07:53:38 PM via TweetDeck in reply to MayorEmanuel
  198. @scarpetablog I guaran-fucking-tee you that you fucking don't want to hear my fucking thoughts about those fucking guys. Wednesday, October 6, 2010 07:55:02 PM via web in reply to scarpetablog
  199. And there he fucking goes a-fucking-gain: jog-jog-jog. WHAT THE FUCK?! Wednesday, October 6, 2010 07:56:15 PM via web
  200. I'm going to go for a jog up Waguespack's motherfucking colon if he comes back around again. Wednesday, October 6, 2010 08:03:52 PM via web
  201. josephpettini
    joseph pettini
    @MayorEmanuel is this as far as you're gonna take this concept? Anyone can swear. Go deeper if you want to keep our interest. Wednesday, October 6, 2010 03:20:40 PM via TweetDeck in reply to MayorEmanuel
  202. @strategy_samba First, not "everyone" can swear--fucking Mormons, for one. Second, the motherfucking "unfollow" button is right over there. Wednesday, October 6, 2010 08:13:42 PM via web in reply to josephpettini
  203. Fuck it. I'm fucking sick. I'm fucking tired. It's a fucking "America's Sweethearts" kind of night. Wednesday, October 6, 2010 09:59:54 PM via web
  204. Tick-tock, shit-cocks. Time to wake up. Thursday, October 7, 2010 07:28:54 AM via Seesmic for Android
  205. Dow over 11,000 on the same day I'm going on a listening tour of Penny Pritzker's pocketbook? Eyes on the sky for a twat-rainbow. Trifecta! Thursday, October 7, 2010 08:02:21 AM via Seesmic for Android
  206. Penny keeps a money room in her house, and dives into it like she's Scrooge McDuck. We've been swimming in it all morning. Fucking glorious Thursday, October 7, 2010 11:19:38 AM via Seesmic for Android
  207. Nothing like a money-swim to get a guy feeling in cock-shape again. Axelrod, pull your Civic around: I've got some fucking hands to shake Thursday, October 7, 2010 12:11:04 PM via Seesmic for Android
  208. Just got cut off on West Madison by a fucking cupcake truck. Eighth one I've seen. The fuck is up with you and cupcakes you fucking fatties? Thursday, October 7, 2010 12:30:40 PM via Seesmic for Android
  209. OK West Garfield Park, come get your hand shaken. I promise when elected you'll see me less than you see the inside of a unicorn's vagina. Thursday, October 7, 2010 01:10:34 PM via Seesmic for Android
  210. Dinner with Obama at Alexi fundraiser. Fucking Alexi--getting caught chatting with him is like being sucked into a black hole of cocks. Thursday, October 7, 2010 04:05:56 PM via web
  211. If Obama doesn't show soon, I'm out. Have been stuck inside the Gianoullias dong-vortex for a motherfucking hour now. Thursday, October 7, 2010 05:34:28 PM via Seesmic for Android
  212. Alexi is "entertaining" the guests by seeing how many dinner rolls he can stuff in his fucking mouth. He's up to seventeen. Thursday, October 7, 2010 05:59:01 PM via Seesmic for Android
  213. Jesus Christ-on-a-fuck, that's four hours of my life I'm never going to get back. Alexi is as dumb as the fucking day is fucking long. Thursday, October 7, 2010 07:42:27 PM via web
  214. By the way, the final motherfucking bread-roll count? Thirty-fucking-two. In at once. Mama Regenstein vomited into the salad plate. Thursday, October 7, 2010 07:51:16 PM via web
  215. Junkokajino
    Junko Kajino
    @MayorEmanuel マフィアコネクションのシカゴ市長（お父さんも市長でアルカポネと直通）今年いっぱいで引退、その後を次ぐのがこのひと？オバマのブレーンと言われる政治家！ Thursday, October 7, 2010 10:17:52 PM via web in reply to MayorEmanuel
  216. @Junkokajino これは冗談のアカウントです Thursday, October 7, 2010 10:21:41 PM via Tweetie for Mac in reply to Junkokajino
  217. fucking cock-sanding shit-branding, I am tired. Thursday, October 7, 2010 10:22:57 PM via web
  218. Good motherfucking morning, motherfuckers Friday, October 8, 2010 07:01:29 AM via Seesmic for Android
  219. Strategy session. Axelrod thinks "I want to be like motherfucking Rahm" is a bad campaign slogan. The fuck? It worked for Jordan. Friday, October 8, 2010 08:49:21 AM via Seesmic for Android
  220. Axelrod also dismissed Ari's idea of a movie where politicians team up with cartoon characters to fight an intergalactic menace. Fuck fuck. Friday, October 8, 2010 09:09:02 AM via Seesmic for Android
  221. Axelrod says no way: "Remember when the Bulls won for the sixth time and it felt like getting fucked on a pile of ponies? Vote Rahm." Friday, October 8, 2010 09:20:47 AM via Seesmic for Android
  222. On conference call, Plouffe said, "We need something less polarizing," then faxed over this: https://tinyurl.com/28wlltx motherfuck Friday, October 8, 2010 09:51:12 AM via web
  223. How did you know that listening to you bitch was exactly what I wanted to do on a beautiful fucking Friday? Friday, October 8, 2010 03:47:30 PM via Seesmic for Android
  224. Why is it the only fucking places I find you people are riding the El or stuffing your fucking face? Or, worst, both? Friday, October 8, 2010 03:51:54 PM via Seesmic for Android
  225. I will tell you this though: stand on a fuckingL platform long enough and you will see every shade of vomit known to man. Vibrant! Friday, October 8, 2010 04:04:05 PM via Seesmic for Android
  226. I just became the mayor of Fuck You in the Fucking Face, it's Friday on @foursquare Friday, October 8, 2010 04:13:40 PM via Seesmic for Android
  227. Zirinsky
    John Adam Zirinsky
    Most Twitter parody accounts have a short shelf-life but the promising @MayorEmanuel seems to have run out of cleverness quicker than usual. Friday, October 8, 2010 04:17:40 PM via TweetDeck
  228. @Zirinsky a pollster for the GO-fucking,P is going to lecture me about fucking "shelf life"? You've been selling rancid ideas for years. Friday, October 8, 2010 04:28:42 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to Zirinsky
  229. Axelrod's on his way over with a bucket of chicken, a growler of Half Acre and his copy of "2012." TGIMFF Friday, October 8, 2010 06:24:11 PM via Seesmic for Android
  230. Plouffe just faxed over the itinerary. I've got to hit 13 farmer's markets. Here's a secret: edible greens scare the shit out of me. Fuck. Saturday, October 9, 2010 08:47:35 AM via web
  231. Jesus motherfucking Christ, I hope to never see another Winter Squash in my motherfucking life. Fuck you and your fucking farmers' markets. Saturday, October 9, 2010 05:20:29 PM via web
  232. Also, Chicago, what the fuck is up with all the baby strollers. Did you spend the two goddamn years I was gone just fucking non-stop? Saturday, October 9, 2010 06:11:24 PM via Seesmic for Android
  233. ourmaninchicago
    Scott Smith
    @MayorEmanuel Yeah. Jealous? Saturday, October 9, 2010 06:14:32 PM via ÜberTwitter in reply to MayorEmanuel
  234. @ourmaninchicago When you knocked up your old lady, I was running the country. When you're wiping shit, I'll be running the city. Jealous? Saturday, October 9, 2010 07:31:41 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to ourmaninchicago
  235. rocketslide
    Ann With No E
    @MayorEmanuel Sir, perhaps you're looking for a campaign writer? https://bit.ly/ccSofu Saturday, October 9, 2010 08:48:11 PM via Tweetie for Mac
  236. @rocketslide you know what I really need? Not a single more motherfucker writing campaign bullshit for me. Saturday, October 9, 2010 11:34:41 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to rocketslide
  237. ramsincanon
    Ramsin Canon
    @MayorEmanuel He'll be wiping shit, but you'll be eating it for all one of your terms asshole. @ourmaninchicago Saturday, October 9, 2010 07:35:27 PM via web in reply to MayorEmanuel
  238. @ramsincanon if anyone can tell me about eating shit, I'm sure it's you, douchebag. Saturday, October 9, 2010 11:36:06 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to ramsincanon
  239. Christ, in going to have to shake a lot of fucking sweaty hands today, aren't I? First sign of bloody nipples and I'm fucking GONE. Sunday, October 10, 2010 08:47:30 AM via Seesmic for Android
  240. I know I'm supposed to say you're all heroic athletes, but I just saw a guy in a chicken suit puke up a Cliff Bar at mile fucking three. Sunday, October 10, 2010 09:15:19 AM via Seesmic for Android
  241. snatch-haunting fuck-trailers Sunday, October 10, 2010 04:44:00 PM via Seesmic for Android
  242. Congratulations marathon runners! You're 26.2 miles closer to a motherfucking knee replacement! Sunday, October 10, 2010 05:19:23 PM via Seesmic for Android
  243. Axelrod's mustache finished the cock-shocking marathon in 5:38. Sunday, October 10, 2010 07:18:18 PM via web
  244. Just looked over Plouffe's itinerary for the week. It is fucktacularly stupid. How long does this goddamn listening tour have to last again? Sunday, October 10, 2010 09:23:28 PM via web
  245. So which godforsaken corner of this motherfucking city an I headed to today in this never-ending dick-slamming tour? Monday, October 11, 2010 08:14:35 AM via Seesmic for Android
  246. I refuse to choke down another fucking pepper and egg sandwich. Seriously, how has this entire city not died from a coronary? Monday, October 11, 2010 09:26:29 AM via Seesmic for Android
  247. Dick Mell is the king of the pepper and egg. Eats three or four of them every morning. Ends up smelling like a sulfur bath all day. Monday, October 11, 2010 09:33:14 AM via Seesmic for Android
  248. Seriously considering having my shaking hand amputated and sending it around the city alone so I can get some actual fucking work done. Monday, October 11, 2010 05:38:33 PM via Seesmic for Android
  249. Hey Saugansh, come shake the disembodied hand of Rahm Emanuel tomorrow, while I'm busy not giving a fuck about you somewhere else. Monday, October 11, 2010 05:43:42 PM via Seesmic for Android
  250. ryrivard
    Ry Rivard
    @MayorEmanuel Don't you need to sever the wrist, too. A handshake is all in the wrist. Monday, October 11, 2010 05:51:08 PM via web in reply to MayorEmanuel
  251. @ryrivard what kind of stupid motherfucker would server their fucking hand below the wrist? What a stupid fucking statement. Christ. Monday, October 11, 2010 05:58:00 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to ryrivard
  252. Suck-fucking shit-balloons Monday, October 11, 2010 06:00:27 PM via Seesmic for Android
  253. Fucking seriously, doesn't Flores have any "listening" to do? Come on: Carol Mosley Braun doesn't have to "listen" to any motherfuckers? Monday, October 11, 2010 06:02:54 PM via Seesmic for Android
  254. Yet here I am fucking "listening" to all you fucking v-holes prattle on and on about fucking potholes and parking meters every fucking day. Monday, October 11, 2010 06:05:04 PM via Seesmic for Android
  255. New slogan: "Hey Chicago: Just park in the fucking space and be done with it. Emanuel '11" Monday, October 11, 2010 06:09:17 PM via Seesmic for Android
  256. SamAbernethy
    Samantha
    @MayorEmanuel what's a v-hole? Monday, October 11, 2010 06:09:59 PM via Twitter for Android in reply to MayorEmanuel
  257. @SamAbernethy do I need to draw you a fucking diagram? Monday, October 11, 2010 06:11:49 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to SamAbernethy
  258. ChicagoPR
    Ellen DePodesta
    Hey @MayorEmanuel, wasn't the Columbus Day parade today great fun? Monday, October 11, 2010 06:17:20 PM via web
  259. @ChicagoPR I'm trying to pretend like it never fucking happened. Monday, October 11, 2010 06:22:16 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to ChicagoPR
  260. Scowling my way through the Columbus Day Parade, Ed Burke said I had a case of the Mondays. More like the Can't-Fucking-Stand-You Days Monday, October 11, 2010 08:57:22 PM via web
  261. Scowling through the Columbus Day Parade, Ed Burke said I had a case of the Mondays. More like the Can't-Fucking-Stand-You Days Monday, October 11, 2010 08:59:28 PM via web
  262. Someone fucking needs to fucking bring me a fucking coffee this very fucking second. Tuesday, October 12, 2010 08:12:56 AM via Seesmic for Android
  263. Jesus fucking cock-twats: Biden is in town? Fucking christ, I'll be hiding out in a goddamn undisclosed location for the rest of the day. Tuesday, October 12, 2010 12:59:35 PM via web
  264. Would someone fucking pledge to @WBEZ already so those sad fucking radio-tards will shut the fuck up? Tuesday, October 12, 2010 05:10:32 PM via web
  265. Fuck yes, you chilean miner sons-of-bitches, fuck yes. Tuesday, October 12, 2010 11:00:01 PM via Seesmic for Android
  266. New slogan: "Because Chicago is in a deeper fucking hole than the fucking Chilean Miners. Vote Rahm." Wednesday, October 13, 2010 08:49:19 AM via Seesmic for Android
  267. I've got Axelrod looking into where to get one of those miner rescue elevators so I can ride one around Ed Burke's lower fucking intestine. Wednesday, October 13, 2010 08:55:23 AM via Seesmic for Android
  268. If you need me today, I'll be at home watching CNN and bawling like a motherfucking baby. Wednesday, October 13, 2010 09:35:22 AM via Seesmic for Android
  269. Been on BBM with Plouffe, selling him on my "stuck in a mine" strategy. (1) don't have to shake fucking hands (2) in 90 days you'll love me. Wednesday, October 13, 2010 05:01:22 PM via Seesmic for Android
  270. ampersands1
    Quinn
    @MayorEmanuel Plus it's probably harder to swear at people through a tiny hole in the ground. Wednesday, October 13, 2010 05:02:54 PM via Chromed Bird in reply to MayorEmanuel
  271. @ampersands1 yeah, I'm not fucking worried about fucking that. Wednesday, October 13, 2010 05:03:38 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to ampersands1
  272. Axelrod just came over and we're both wearing hardhats and only eating food we can cram through a motherfucking 12" hole. This is the life. Wednesday, October 13, 2010 05:41:28 PM via Seesmic for Android
  273. You would be amazed just how many different kinds of food you can stuff through a 12" hole. Axelrod got an entire fucking Turkey through. Wednesday, October 13, 2010 07:58:27 PM via web
  274. I find the Chilean Miner rescue incredibly moving. Once this last guy is up, we're going to send 'em all back down, right? Fuck yes. Wednesday, October 13, 2010 08:00:54 PM via web
  275. amanda2581
    Amanda Downing
    @MayorEmanuel I'm a fan of the F word, I even use it quite often, but why do you use it in EVERY tweet? #Justwondering Wednesday, October 13, 2010 08:04:31 PM via ÜberTwitter in reply to MayorEmanuel
  276. @amanda2581 do I come into your kitchen and tell you how to motherfucking cook? Wednesday, October 13, 2010 08:06:07 PM via web in reply to amanda2581
  277. featherchick
     
    Hey @MayorEmanuel, what do you think about Lisa Madigan possibly announcing a run against you? Ready to fight in Madiganistan??? Wednesday, October 13, 2010 10:18:02 PM via web
  278. @featherchick wouldn't it make more fucking sense to just say "Madigascar"? Same fucking point, better fucking reference. Also: fuck her. Wednesday, October 13, 2010 10:24:57 PM via web in reply to featherchick
  279. So everyone's up from the mine? Jesus fucking Christ-twat... now what? Wednesday, October 13, 2010 10:25:59 PM via web
  280. ericzieg
    Eric Ziegenhagen
    @MayorEmanuel It's back to the parking meters. Wednesday, October 13, 2010 10:27:15 PM via web
  281. @ericzieg fuck me and those fucking meters. Just park the fucking car. Wednesday, October 13, 2010 10:27:45 PM via web in reply to ericzieg
  282. featherchick
     
    @MayorEmanuel Now all of us "miners" Downstate just need to be rescued from the blue hole that is Chicago. How about your own state??? Wednesday, October 13, 2010 10:30:29 PM via web in reply to MayorEmanuel
  283. @featherchick By all fucking means, enjoy a Chicagoless Illinois. I'm sure that'd work out just fucking wonderfully for you. Wednesday, October 13, 2010 10:33:22 PM via web in reply to featherchick
  284. I woke up with a hardhat in my hands, looked up at the hole Axelrod and I drilled in the ceiling and just started fucking weeping. Emptiness Thursday, October 14, 2010 07:34:50 AM via Seesmic for Android
  285. I know it's not reasonable but, deep fucking down, I bet you too wished they'd continue to pull Chileans up from the ground forever. Thursday, October 14, 2010 07:36:51 AM via Seesmic for Android
  286. What has brought this city closer together than feeling motherfucking one with 33 people stuck in the ground of another continent? Nothing. Thursday, October 14, 2010 07:41:46 AM via Seesmic for Android
  287. New slogan: "Bring back that first miner feeling. Emanuel for motherfucking mayor." Thursday, October 14, 2010 07:45:33 AM via Seesmic for Android
  288. I actually wanted Madigan to run. Have you seen the rest of the shit-tards that have announced? Give me someone fucking competent. Thursday, October 14, 2010 12:42:33 PM via Seesmic for Android
  289. Is it too late to get in on the fucking Attorney General race? Come on, Madigan, let's do this! Don't leave me with Hendon and Flores. Thursday, October 14, 2010 03:33:50 PM via Seesmic for Android
  290. Unless motherfucking Oprah motherfucking Winfrey enters this race, it's going to be me against a field of dong-tards and shit-eaters. Thursday, October 14, 2010 03:38:09 PM via Seesmic for Android
  291. Seriously a debate with these shit-galoids will end with me crushing my cock with the podium, just to feel SOMETHING. Thursday, October 14, 2010 03:43:31 PM via Seesmic for Android
  292. chitownpolitics
    Slats Lonigan
    @MayorEmanuel um, Flores pulled out last week Thursday, October 14, 2010 03:47:17 PM via Brizzly in reply to MayorEmanuel
  293. @chitownpolitics I am trying incredibly motherfucking hard not to respond "that's what she said." Thursday, October 14, 2010 03:52:44 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to chitownpolitics
  294. New slogan: "Vote Rahm: because Jesus cock-Christ, look at the other fucking guys." Thursday, October 14, 2010 03:58:10 PM via Seesmic for Android
  295. If I'd have known the field was going to end up this fucking limp-dicked, I'd have stayed in Washington through the fucking midterms. Thursday, October 14, 2010 04:10:46 PM via web
  296. Jesus Christ-twat on a fuck-dong Thursday, October 14, 2010 11:14:02 PM via Seesmic for Android
  297. Right about now I'm getting that sinking fucking feeling that I was served motherfucking decaf. Friday, October 15, 2010 08:40:10 AM via Seesmic for Android
  298. Fucking Friday fucking starts fucking right fucking now. Friday, October 15, 2010 04:02:17 PM via Seesmic for Android
  299. So the email started "Dear First Name." That was Plouffe's quick fix to the original: "Dear Motherfucking Twat-tards," Friday, October 15, 2010 05:20:48 PM via web
  300. Dear First Name, Fuck you in your fucking pie-hole, you stupid motherfucking snatch-drip. Yours, Rahm Friday, October 15, 2010 05:27:52 PM via web
  301. Dear First Name, Who's got one and a half middle fingers, six beers, and doesn't give a fuck if I got your name right? This guy. Friday, October 15, 2010 05:34:08 PM via web
  302. Dear First Name, Plouffe assures me that we're going to have an actual fucking communications team in place soon. The intern is a cocktard. Friday, October 15, 2010 05:40:25 PM via web
  303. Holy shit-cocks, I should have stopped at nine beers last night. My fucking head is going to fucking explode at this breakfast meeting. Saturday, October 16, 2010 08:39:00 AM via web
  304. Of course Axelrod waltzes into the meeting like he drank nothing last night. That motherfucker's liver is made of motherfucking Teflon. Saturday, October 16, 2010 11:03:50 AM via web
  305. Fucking shine on, you motherfucking amazing fucking sun Saturday, October 16, 2010 01:05:09 PM via Seesmic for Android
  306. Fuck your motherfucking Sunday morning, I'm sleeping until goddamn noon. Sunday, October 17, 2010 08:59:21 AM via Twitter for iPad
  307. Fucking motherfucking fuck-shitting ass-cocked Bears. Sunday, October 17, 2010 02:47:05 PM via Seesmic for Android
  308. ChicagoPR
    Ellen DePodesta
    @MayorEmanuel So we, the great voters of Chicago, follow you... why don't you follow us back? Sunday, October 17, 2010 08:45:09 PM via web in reply to MayorEmanuel
  309. @ChicagoPR because then I have to listen to all of your bitching and complaining even when I'm not shaking your fucking hand. Sunday, October 17, 2010 08:46:31 PM via web in reply to ChicagoPR
  310. I really did try to listen to that fucking debate. But as soon as Quinn opens his mouth, I feel like a little part of me cock-plucking dies Sunday, October 17, 2010 10:31:29 PM via web
  311. Shit-shaking dong-stompers Monday, October 18, 2010 08:27:47 AM via Seesmic for Android
  312. Really, what's a few motherfucking million raised? Don't fucking worry, Dart, I'm sure someone will give you some cash at some point. Monday, October 18, 2010 03:47:09 PM via Seesmic for Android
  313. Today was one never-ending fucking strategy session. Workloads doubled when Axelrod's mustache announced it was taking the week off. Monday, October 18, 2010 08:46:48 PM via Seesmic for Android
  314. Seriously, if that motherfucking 'stache is talking to fucking Meeks, I'm going to lose it. Monday, October 18, 2010 08:48:20 PM via Seesmic for Android
  315. David says it's just taking a few days to see the fall colors in WI, but really: what fucking mustache takes off two weeks before midterms? Monday, October 18, 2010 08:50:53 PM via Seesmic for Android
  316. Anyway, a week without that mustache just went from a slog to a motherfucking full-fledged shit-wallow. Monday, October 18, 2010 08:54:38 PM via Seesmic for Android
  317. I'm going to close my eyes and imagine a coffee pot as big as the motherfucking Sears motherfucking Tower. Tuesday, October 19, 2010 08:00:16 AM via web
  318. mspec
    Matt Spector
    @MayorEmanuel It's the Willis Tower now. Geez, you've been gone for a while, haven't you? Tuesday, October 19, 2010 08:25:45 AM via ÜberTwitter in reply to MayorEmanuel
  319. @mspec I would rather punch myself in the cock six times a day than have to say motherfucking "Willis Tower" Tuesday, October 19, 2010 09:12:47 AM via web in reply to mspec
  320. You want to know my definition of hell? This motherfucking lunch meeting that the fucking communications intern set up with Billy Dec. Fuck. Tuesday, October 19, 2010 12:04:33 PM via web
  321. Jesus fucking christ, apparently it's take-a-lunch-meeting-with-a-raging-douchebag day. Tuesday, October 19, 2010 12:09:22 PM via web
  322. Fuck me. He's wearing his "dressy" baseball hat. Asked Axelrod to circle the block one more time. Considering jumping into traffic. Tuesday, October 19, 2010 12:17:06 PM via web
  323. That was a half-hour I'll never fucking get back. On the upside, the Rumble in the Jungle Turkey Wrap at the Rainforest Cafe--tasty! Tuesday, October 19, 2010 12:43:10 PM via web
  324. Next time I even hear the motherfucking name Billy Dec, I'm slamming my cock in the door of Axelrod's Civic. Tuesday, October 19, 2010 02:41:31 PM via web
  325. Ward_Room
     
    The @Ward_Room editorial staff would sincerely like to RT @mayoremanuel, but NBC standards won't allow it. Godspeed sir. Tuesday, October 19, 2010 05:02:20 PM via TweetDeck
  326. @Ward_Room fuck you in your motherfucking peacock. Tuesday, October 19, 2010 05:55:06 PM via Twitterrific in reply to Ward_Room
  327. Watching Alexi and Kirk debate is like fucking a sackful of dumb. Tuesday, October 19, 2010 07:36:52 PM via Twitterrific
  328. Going around the public schools with Huberman today. That guy smells like motherfucking sadness. Wednesday, October 20, 2010 08:04:29 AM via Seesmic for Android
  329. Axelrod tells it's not a word but jesus fucking christ it's going to take a bazillion fucking dollars to save these fucking schools. Wednesday, October 20, 2010 02:36:15 PM via Seesmic for Android
  330. dong-clamping shit-cannons Wednesday, October 20, 2010 07:58:08 PM via web
  331. I've asked Axelrod to come over and just pour the coffee straight into my mouth while I'm still lying here. "I'll be right over!" Thursday, October 21, 2010 07:12:10 AM via web
  332. Christ, I'm so fucking tired I forgot to swear in that last tweet: Fucking motherfucking shit cock ass fuck twat. Feeling better already. Thursday, October 21, 2010 07:33:11 AM via Seesmic for Android
  333. So Ari is throwing me a fundraiser soon, except he keeps calling it a "fuck-raiser." I don't even know what that fucking means. He scares me Thursday, October 21, 2010 07:40:46 AM via Seesmic for Android
  334. But, I'd rather be on a flight to LA than have to tour another pathetic fucking school. Today's might as well be the Oliver Twist Academy. Thursday, October 21, 2010 07:54:14 AM via Seesmic for Android
  335. Sufficiently coffeed. Alright, Chicago, I'm going to fuck you in the fucking face today. Thursday, October 21, 2010 08:28:08 AM via Seesmic for Android
  336. If Dart's rent-a-cops pull over Axelrod's Civic one more time, I'm going to stuff my fist so far up his ass my stump will tickle his uvula. Thursday, October 21, 2010 03:36:22 PM via Seesmic for Android
  337. Axelrod just called me from the impound. Dart's goons hauled his fucking Civic in. Oh, it's motherfucking on now, you fucking motherfuck. Thursday, October 21, 2010 05:50:53 PM via web
  338. Sheriff Woody from Toy Story is more of a real lawman than that cocktard Dart. "There's a motherfucking snake in my boot." Thursday, October 21, 2010 06:05:43 PM via web
  339. Axelrod just pulled up in his Civic, gave a beep and I went out. The thing has DART RULES spraypainted across the motherfucking hood. Friday, October 22, 2010 07:24:15 AM via web
  340. I'm going to have to drink ten thousand motherfucking beers to make this day motherfucking better. Friday, October 22, 2010 04:06:23 PM via Seesmic for Android
  341. yellowcardigan
    Sara McH. (née B.)
    @MayorEmanuel But aren't you happy that Randy Michaels resigned? Friday, October 22, 2010 04:09:23 PM via Echofon in reply to MayorEmanuel
  342. @yellowcardigan good point. Motherfucking 9,999. Friday, October 22, 2010 04:10:52 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to yellowcardigan
  343. mspec
    Matt Spector
    @MayorEmanuel You bastard, are you coming to Northwestern's homecoming or not? Friday, October 22, 2010 04:31:19 PM via web in reply to MayorEmanuel
  344. @mspec what the fucking motherfucking fuck would I do that for? Friday, October 22, 2010 04:33:02 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to mspec
  345. Chicago, it's really fucking easy: put down the fucking mouse, walk out the fucking door, it's fucking Friday. Friday, October 22, 2010 04:34:00 PM via Seesmic for Android
  346. jem0622
    Julie E. Miller
    @MayorEmanuel Business never stops. Even on Friday. Friday, October 22, 2010 04:45:08 PM via web in reply to MayorEmanuel
  347. @jem0622 you're in the wrong fucking business Friday, October 22, 2010 04:54:18 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to jem0622
  348. Axelrod just showed up with a fucking case of toilet paper. We're going to TP the living shit out of Dart's house! Friday, October 22, 2010 06:50:41 PM via Twitterrific
  349. If you think I'm getting out of fucking bed on a rainy Saturday, you're out of your motherfucking cock-holed mind. Saturday, October 23, 2010 12:09:17 PM via web
  350. The fuck is Plouffe sending me to store openings for? What's next, being a motherfucking greeter at the Pullman Wall-Mart? Saturday, October 23, 2010 01:43:44 PM via Seesmic for Android
  351. And seriously, there is an entirely different class of douchebag that shows up at an Apple Store opening in Lincoln fucking Park. Saturday, October 23, 2010 01:47:55 PM via Seesmic for Android
  352. Who wants a MacBook Air.with a side of asshole? Order fucking up. Saturday, October 23, 2010 01:55:14 PM via Seesmic for Android
  353. Fucking Christ, morning at the Apple Store, afternoon at Whole Foods. Suck it out if my asshole, Lincoln Park! Saturday, October 23, 2010 07:16:54 PM via Seesmic for Android
  354. quintoCT
    Matt Gianquinto
    @MayorEmanuel I think you meant "of" and not "if" Saturday, October 23, 2010 07:49:03 PM via web
  355. @quintoCT who the fuck died and made you Microsoft fucking Word? Saturday, October 23, 2010 08:25:57 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to quintoCT
  356. Fuck-trampling shit-eclipse Sunday, October 24, 2010 10:47:12 AM via Twitterrific
  357. Hey Chicago, get your hands off your fucking cock and get the fuck outside. It's motherfucking incredible out here. Sunday, October 24, 2010 01:00:28 PM via Seesmic for Android
  358. By the way, fuck this fucking team. Sunday, October 24, 2010 01:13:48 PM via Seesmic for Android
  359. I swear to fucking god, Honeycrisp apples are motherfucking twat-licious! Sunday, October 24, 2010 03:17:38 PM via web
  360. Cameos too--you put that shit into your fucking face-hole and you think, "Motherfucker, I am eating a fucking apple." Sunday, October 24, 2010 03:31:33 PM via web
  361. dgordon52
    Doug Gordon
    #Bears were 3-0 before Rahm moved back to Chicago. Since @MayorEmanuel has been back they are 1-3. Coincidence? I think not. #p2 Sunday, October 24, 2010 06:06:49 PM via web
  362. @dgordon52 Nice math, Ein-fucking-stein. How do you explain the last fucking umpteen years? Sunday, October 24, 2010 07:19:04 PM via web in reply to dgordon52
  363. Fuck your fucking Monday morning right in its fucking puckered fucking pink fucking asshole. Monday, October 25, 2010 07:26:36 AM via web
  364. Axelrod's mustache was back today after its week off. Good to have that bushy motherfucker back. Monday, October 25, 2010 06:37:49 PM via Seesmic for Android
  365. Batten down the hatches, motherfuckers! Monday, October 25, 2010 08:19:10 PM via web
  366. MichaelSterchak
    Michael Sterchak
    @MayorEmanuel: how is your campaign prepared for this shit-kickin' wind storm heading for Chicago? Monday, October 25, 2010 07:22:34 PM via Twitter for iPhone
  367. @MichaelSterchak The way we deal with everything: Axelrod's digging a motherfucking trench. Monday, October 25, 2010 08:22:42 PM via web in reply to MichaelSterchak
  368. Axelrod's refusing to come up from the basement. Pretty sure that motherfucker's eaten most of the canned peaches. Fuck me. Monday, October 25, 2010 08:28:49 PM via web
  369. Axelrod's calling up from the basement, telling me I shouldn't be up on the roof yelling, "BRING IT ON, YOU WINDY MOTHERFUCKERS." Monday, October 25, 2010 10:34:05 PM via web
  370. COME ON YOU FUCKING WEATHER, IS THIS THE BEST YOU FUCKING GOT? Tuesday, October 26, 2010 07:49:06 AM via Seesmic for Android
  371. Now there's motherfucking blue motherfucking skies out there. This goddamn wind storm can fucking blow me. Tuesday, October 26, 2010 10:23:52 AM via web
  372. C-fuck-O-fuck-F-fuck-F-fuck-E-fuck-E Wednesday, October 27, 2010 07:13:21 AM via web
  373. (Deleted before I could archive it.)
  374. @Orcaspapa the unfollow button is right over there. Wednesday, October 27, 2010 07:24:45 AM via web in reply to Orcaspapa
  375. So I see that motherfucker Dart got that shit-box I sent him. Wednesday, October 27, 2010 10:49:24 AM via Seesmic for Android
  376. Hey Chicago, meet the new motherfucking sheriff in town. Wednesday, October 27, 2010 10:51:25 AM via Seesmic for Android
  377. Strategy session: do we just hold the fucking election early? Or do we not fucking bother at all? Seems like a fucking formality now. Wednesday, October 27, 2010 10:54:34 AM via Seesmic for Android
  378. Axelrod's telling me I need to do more at this news conference than let them film my motherfucking victory lap. Wednesday, October 27, 2010 12:47:50 PM via Seesmic for Android
  379. Blago4Mayor
    Blago 4 Mayor
    @quintoCT Oh I'm following you, all right! I'm following you straight to @MayorEmanuel, and then it's on! Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha! Wednesday, October 27, 2010 04:45:13 PM via web in reply to quintoCT
  380. @Blago4Mayor fuck off, you stupid fucking fake account. Wednesday, October 27, 2010 05:16:09 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to Blago4Mayor
  381. Dear Chicago, I'm sorry that 21 years of Daley gave you a field of fucking pussies. And me. Wednesday, October 27, 2010 06:18:12 PM via Seesmic for Android
  382. But really, when I look at this fucking pathetic field and the most credible candidate casts dicks in cement, I mostly feel sorry for you. Wednesday, October 27, 2010 06:31:31 PM via Seesmic for Android
  383. stringbot
    Josh Davison
    @MayorEmanuel I'm SO voting Plastercaster, assmunch. WE GOT US A HORSERACE Wednesday, October 27, 2010 06:33:29 PM via Twitter for iPhone in reply to MayorEmanuel
  384. @stringbot have fun with that, you stupid fucking cocktard. Wednesday, October 27, 2010 06:35:06 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to stringbot
  385. New slogan: "I mostly feel sorry for you, you pathetic fucking shit-tards. Emanuel '11" Wednesday, October 27, 2010 06:41:02 PM via Seesmic for Android
  386. When I finish this cup of coffee, I'm going to dump the filter and fuck the grinds. Thursday, October 28, 2010 07:04:17 AM via web
  387. 13 voicemails from Hendon yesterday reminding me that he was a "real"candidate. No you're not, Rickey. No you're fucking not. Thursday, October 28, 2010 07:53:13 AM via Seesmic for Android
  388. New slogan: "Your other choice is Rickey fucking Hendon. Emanuel '11" Thursday, October 28, 2010 08:08:07 AM via Seesmic for Android
  389. Fucking fuck-stained fuck-trombones. Thursday, October 28, 2010 08:03:43 PM via Seesmic for Android
  390. Axelrod just came over with a fuck-it bucket of chicken. This night just got a whole motherfucking lot better. Thursday, October 28, 2010 08:53:00 PM via web
  391. Holy jesus fucking christ-hole, I have a massive chicken hangover. Friday, October 29, 2010 08:36:48 AM via Seesmic for Android
  392. Shit-fucking fuck-shitters, it's motherfucking cold out here! Friday, October 29, 2010 09:07:04 AM via Seesmic for Android
  393. Fuck you, you fucking motherfuckers, it's finally motherfucking Friday. Friday, October 29, 2010 04:39:35 PM via Seesmic for Android
  394. Supposed to go to a halloween party at Carl the intern's apartment tonight. Word is Schiller's wearing a "sexy can of fruit" outfit. Fuck. Friday, October 29, 2010 04:58:03 PM via Seesmic for Android
  395. Also, fucking Flores is supposed to be there. Assuming he's going dressed as a ten-year-old girl because that's what he looks like anyway. Friday, October 29, 2010 05:07:01 PM via Seesmic for Android
  396. Jody Weis is supposed to be there too. That stupid motherfucker always comes to this shit in his uniform--"I'm going as a hero." Fuck off. Friday, October 29, 2010 05:17:09 PM via Seesmic for Android
  397. Me, I'm going as Mr. Schuester from Glee. I love that motherfucking show so fucking much it fucking scares me sometimes. Friday, October 29, 2010 05:40:28 PM via Seesmic for Android
  398. I would try to sum up my night, but I'll just leave it at "Who wants to open up this can of fruit?" Holy shit-fucking-christ-fuck. Saturday, October 30, 2010 08:31:14 AM via web
  399. jeremyschultz
    Jeremy Schultz
    @MayorEmanuel You were funnier before f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck sh*t f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck sh*t f*ck f*ck f*ck f*ck sh*t f*ck Saturday, October 30, 2010 11:23:44 AM via Tweetie for Mac in reply to MayorEmanuel
  400. @jeremyschultz (1) when the fuck was that? (2) the unfollow button's right over there. Saturday, October 30, 2010 11:35:05 AM via Seesmic for Android in reply to jeremyschultz
  401. The scariest part of Halloween this year is the realization that I'm going to be voting for motherfucking Alexi in three days. BOO! Saturday, October 30, 2010 11:58:15 AM via Seesmic for Android
  402. Just bought a little fake blood sprayer I can attach to my finger stump. These fucking trick or treat kids will shit their diapers. Sunday, October 31, 2010 09:34:34 AM via Twitter for iPad
  403. Guy came to my door in the most fucking amazing Zombie Pat Quinn outfit. Then I realized it was actually just sad-shitting Quinn himself. Sunday, October 31, 2010 02:24:59 PM via Twitter for iPad
  404. Holy fuck, I've eaten so much candy corn that I think I can see through motherfucking time! Sunday, October 31, 2010 06:09:44 PM via Seesmic for Android
  405. Caught in a fucking candy-corn haze. Jean Baptiste Point du Sable and Papa Bear Hallas are dancing. Axelrod's mustache sings like an angel. Sunday, October 31, 2010 08:51:02 PM via web
  406. John Belushi and Harold Washington are swimming in the river. Their bodies bleed together in the dark murk of the water. FUCKING BEAUTIFUL. Sunday, October 31, 2010 09:04:20 PM via web
  407. I look out the window and the Hancock and the Sears reach out and kiss each other tenderly. My fucking tears taste like celery salt. Sunday, October 31, 2010 09:15:12 PM via web
  408. The stars are red and the sky is striped with blue. I baptize myself in the lake's frigid waters. I AM REFUCKINGBORN. Sunday, October 31, 2010 10:32:40 PM via web
  409. Where the fuck am I? What the fuck happened last night? And why the fuck am I wearing nothing but Payton's retired jersey? Monday, November 1, 2010 08:00:45 AM via Twitter for iPad
  410. I'm on a roof. All I see up here with me is the head of Benny the Bull and about 700 motherfucking Brady for Gov yard signs. Uh... help? Monday, November 1, 2010 08:35:24 AM via Seesmic for Android
  411. OK, I'm on the roof if the museum of science and industry. Axelrod's got a ladder set up. Fucking christ, I've gotta lay off the sugar. Monday, November 1, 2010 09:00:53 AM via Seesmic for Android
  412. I would rather wet my ballsack and stick it to a frozen fucking flagpole than vote for Quinn and Alexi tomorrow. But I am anyway. Monday, November 1, 2010 06:41:18 PM via Seesmic for Android
  413. I know that's not a ringing fucking endorsement, but seriously: they're both as dumb as a sack of cocks. But the other guys are dumber. Monday, November 1, 2010 06:55:21 PM via Seesmic for Android
  414. (Deleted before I could archive it.)
  415. @Calamity_Meg Fucking vote or fucking shut your shit-hole. Monday, November 1, 2010 06:59:08 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to Calamity_Meg
  416. Claypool actually seems like a smart motherfucker. Or maybe it's just that Berrios makes me vomit into my fucking mouth whenever I see him. Monday, November 1, 2010 10:36:46 PM via Seesmic for Android
  417. Just voted. Yep, that felt just as shitty as I thought it would. Ah, motherfucking democracy. Tuesday, November 2, 2010 07:23:33 AM via web
  418. Alexi just called to thank me, except it came out sounding like "Tankoo f'ya vode." I get dumber every time I talk with that motherfucker. Tuesday, November 2, 2010 11:40:52 AM via web
  419. duey23
    Brian LoCicero
    Hey @MayorEmanuel, what say you to this? RT @NBCChicago: Voters Say 'Hell No' to Emanuel's Petitioners https://bit.ly/bXMB3B Tuesday, November 2, 2010 04:11:50 PM via web
  420. @duey23 I say have fun with Mayor motherfucking Hendon then. Tuesday, November 2, 2010 04:42:05 PM via Tweetie for Mac in reply to duey23
  421. Axelrod and I are debating whether it makes more sense to get drunk now or wait until West Coast polls close. Fuck it. Now. Tuesday, November 2, 2010 05:59:51 PM via web
  422. I present to you the new motherfucking Congressperson from Kentucky, Rand Paul. And people wondered why I got out when I did. Tuesday, November 2, 2010 06:07:31 PM via web
  423. Holy motherfucking Jesus fucking Christ, we do not have anywhere near enough alcohol to get us through this fucking night. Tuesday, November 2, 2010 06:10:08 PM via web
  424. You know, it's really not that the Republicans are going to win tonight, it's that the ones that will are all motherfucking crazy. Tuesday, November 2, 2010 06:25:07 PM via web
  425. beardofprey
    Chet Farley
    .@MayorEmanuel whoops, he's a motherfucking senator. Watch your head, his supporters wear boots! Tuesday, November 2, 2010 06:25:33 PM via Twitter for iPhone in reply to MayorEmanuel
  426. @chetFarley jesus-fuck I need to drink more before I can process that sentence. Tuesday, November 2, 2010 06:31:30 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to beardofprey
  427. Axelrod is insisting that Paul is a Senator, not a congressperson. I'm insisting that her pour me another dozen drinks before I accept it. Tuesday, November 2, 2010 06:34:13 PM via Seesmic for Android
  428. You know shit is bad when your highlight reel has to include a guy who won against a motherfucking anti-masturbation ass-crazy witch. Tuesday, November 2, 2010 07:21:27 PM via Tweetie for Mac
  429. The New Democratic Party: We can beat the shit out of wrestlers and witches. Regular old nutjobs? Not so fucking much. Tuesday, November 2, 2010 07:36:48 PM via Tweetie for Mac
  430. Wins in Connecticut, Delaware, and West Virginia. Someone want to chalk one up in a motherfucking state that motherfucking counts? Tuesday, November 2, 2010 07:55:57 PM via web
  431. Fax from Plouffe is coming in now. It just reads "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU..." I'm assuming a C-K will come in eventually. Tuesday, November 2, 2010 08:03:00 PM via web
  432. Axelrod just went out to get more beer and about 75 fuck-it buckets of chicken. This night calls for a good old-fashioned deep-fry wallow. Tuesday, November 2, 2010 08:22:09 PM via web
  433. That Rand Paul speech almost made me choke on my own motherfucking vomit. Six years of that asshole. Six fucking years. Tuesday, November 2, 2010 08:25:45 PM via web
  434. ourmaninchicago
    Scott Smith
    And Berrios! Jesus. I am about to challenge @MayorEmanuel to a scotch speed-drinking contest. Tuesday, November 2, 2010 08:41:57 PM via TweetDeck
  435. @ourmaninchicago get in fucking line. Currently in a drinking contest with the whole motherfucking world, apparently. Tuesday, November 2, 2010 08:44:07 PM via web in reply to ourmaninchicago
  436. Contemplating snapping my cock in a mousetrap. Has to be better than the rest of these fucking results. Tuesday, November 2, 2010 08:47:32 PM via web
  437. Yep, it was. Might need a motherfucking band-aid though. Tuesday, November 2, 2010 08:54:31 PM via web
  438. How is it that motherfucking Colorado is emerging as the most sane fucking state in the union? Tuesday, November 2, 2010 09:28:08 PM via web
  439. penwhen
    Lou
    @MayorEmanuel If you want to direct your ire, I'd go for the Greens. Tuesday, November 2, 2010 09:34:49 PM via web
  440. @penwhen Go after a party that doesn't even fucking matter, while my own party just wallows in their own mediocrity? Dumb fucking advice. Tuesday, November 2, 2010 09:37:58 PM via web in reply to penwhen
  441. I know it's great if Alexi wins, but seriously: We'll all have to stare at his dumb fucking face for the next six years. Tuesday, November 2, 2010 09:39:27 PM via web
  442. Making a call to Feingold, trying to get that asshole over here to drink with me and Axelrod. What the fuck else does he have to do now? Tuesday, November 2, 2010 09:40:34 PM via web
  443. WentRogue
    Stacey Burns
    How many people is @MayorEmanuel following? Fucking ZERO, that's how many. Tuesday, November 2, 2010 09:47:08 PM via TweetDeck
  444. @WentRogue why the fuck would I want to follow any of you fucking cock-stomps? Tuesday, November 2, 2010 09:50:22 PM via web in reply to WentRogue
  445. Seriously Russ, it shouldn't have been motherfucking you. Tuesday, November 2, 2010 09:54:52 PM via web
  446. Jesus fucking christ, I can't fucking take it. Axelrod switched over to re-runs of Night Court, and I'm not changing it back. Tuesday, November 2, 2010 10:02:29 PM via web
  447. Just interrupted Night Court to say the Dems will lose the House. Hope the next interruption is to tell me that the night is fucking dark. Tuesday, November 2, 2010 10:20:11 PM via web
  448. If that crazy fucking motherfucking fucking Sharron fucking Angle fucking wins, I'm fucking done with motherfucking democracy. Tuesday, November 2, 2010 10:27:40 PM via web
  449. Hey Meg Whitman, you can buy anything, but you can't buy motherfucking backbone. Tuesday, November 2, 2010 10:42:44 PM via web
  450. Feingold just got here. That motherfucker is seriously a bad place. But things are looking up: "Hey, is that Night Court? Awesome." Tuesday, November 2, 2010 10:57:46 PM via web
  451. You know, I'd feel a lot better about the Democrats retaining the goddamn Senate if they'd all pull their fucking fists out of their asses. Tuesday, November 2, 2010 11:03:58 PM via web
  452. I'm just going to say it right now: The Boehner/boner jokes are too fucking easy. Motherfucking amateur motherfucking hour. Tuesday, November 2, 2010 11:14:53 PM via web
  453. Shit motherfucking fuck shitting shit fuckers. Fucking shitbagging tea shitters. Fuck fucking fuck motherfuck. Shit shitting shittingshit Tuesday, November 2, 2010 11:21:11 PM via web
  454. Alexi was a dumb fucking sack of shit. But he was OUR dumb fucking sack of shit. Tuesday, November 2, 2010 11:28:39 PM via web
  455. So it comes down to hoping that Harry fucking Reid pull off Nevada? Is there a Chicago on some tropical fucking island I can be mayor of? Tuesday, November 2, 2010 11:47:26 PM via web
  456. Congratulations on the win Harry, you colossally boring, old fucking man. Tuesday, November 2, 2010 11:56:54 PM via web
  457. Feingold passed out. I tucked his jacket around him and am letting the sad motherfucker sleep. Dream the dreams of the righteous, Russ. Wednesday, November 3, 2010 12:10:04 AM via web
  458. Me? I'm up all night. This Night Court thing turned out to be a motherfucking MARATHON. Oh Bull, you gentle fucking giant, hold us all. Wednesday, November 3, 2010 12:16:28 AM via web
  459. Holy fucking shit-bags. Can we get a motherfucking do-over on yesterday? Wednesday, November 3, 2010 07:33:09 AM via web
  460. Carl the intern has just been sent on the mother of all coffee runs. There's going to be a world fucking shortage when he's done. Wednesday, November 3, 2010 08:30:59 AM via Seesmic for Android
  461. Feingold just woke up. Not entirely clear he remembers what happened last night. I'm certainly not going to fucking tell him. Wednesday, November 3, 2010 01:33:27 PM via Seesmic for Android
  462. jlfmama
    Jen Levine-Fried
    @MayorEmanuel Have you considered chocolate? Wednesday, November 3, 2010 09:18:47 PM via web in reply to MayorEmanuel
  463. @jlfmama did you really just fucking ask me if I've considered chocolate? I'm a grown fucking man. I 'consider' chocolate all the time. Wednesday, November 3, 2010 09:26:06 PM via web in reply to jlfmama
  464. You know what's fucking awesome? The fact that I'm not in motherfucking Washington anymore. Jesus fucking christ. Have fun, assholes. Wednesday, November 3, 2010 09:28:19 PM via web
  465. jlfmama
    Jen Levine-Fried
    @MayorEmanuel Sen. Feingold might appreciate it. You know...to give him the warm fuzzies, like in Harry Potter? Wednesday, November 3, 2010 09:28:45 PM via web in reply to MayorEmanuel
  466. @jlfmama Harry Potter? Jesus fucking christ. Stick this on your broom and fucking ride it. Wednesday, November 3, 2010 09:33:24 PM via web in reply to jlfmama
  467. samhusseini
    Sam Husseini
    @MayorEmanuel yes. That last one - not in wash - got emanuels post election position right. Wednesday, November 3, 2010 09:57:15 PM via Twitter for iPhone in reply to MayorEmanuel
  468. @samhusseini What the fuck, are you fact-checking this bullshit? Get PolitiFact on the horn--some fucking fake account said something! Wednesday, November 3, 2010 10:00:57 PM via web in reply to samhusseini
  469. Axelrod cleared all the newspapers, so Feingold still doesn't know. Current plan is to convince him he's fucking stuck, Groundhog Day style. Wednesday, November 3, 2010 10:12:49 PM via web
  470. @Cals400 Last I checked, Chicago was about 2,000 miles away from San Francisco. Outta my jurisdiction, thank fucking god. Wednesday, November 3, 2010 10:16:00 PM via web
  471. Filled the bathtub with coffee. About to dunk my motherfucking head in it. Thursday, November 4, 2010 07:36:42 AM via Seesmic for Android
  472. Downside to this Groundhog Day plan with Feingold: Axelrod's sweater really fucking smells on day three. Thursday, November 4, 2010 08:13:16 AM via Seesmic for Android
  473. Shit--who knew Russ knew how to use a computer? Now he's fucking bawling again. Thursday, November 4, 2010 10:27:21 AM via Seesmic for Android
  474. Off to the airport to head to LA for Ari's fundraiser. I know he's my brother, but he fucking terrifies me. Thursday, November 4, 2010 10:28:09 AM via Seesmic for Android
  475. Ari met me at LAX wearing nothing but a chinchilla coat. "Are you ready for this?" he asked, grinning. No I'm fucking not. Thursday, November 4, 2010 05:01:38 PM via web
  476. ryrivard
    Ry Rivard
    @MayorEmanuel He was wearing fur in L.A.? It's 97 degrees. What is a matter with him? Thursday, November 4, 2010 05:11:01 PM via web in reply to MayorEmanuel
  477. @ryrivard don't get me motherfucking started. Thursday, November 4, 2010 05:16:08 PM via web in reply to ryrivard
  478. Ari drives his Telsa about five miles an hour. And whistles at every women we pass. My back fucking hurts from slumping in my seat. Thursday, November 4, 2010 05:26:14 PM via web
  479. maxellithorpe
    Max Ellithorpe
    @MayorEmanuel why so few updates today? :( Thursday, November 4, 2010 06:49:29 PM via web
  480. @maxellithorpe uh, flying in a motherfucking airplane from motherfucking ORD to LAX will do that to you. Thursday, November 4, 2010 07:40:41 PM via web in reply to maxellithorpe
  481. "Oh, it's motherfucking on now, you fucking motherfuckers!" That's Ari, shouting from the balcony, before jumping into the pool below. Thursday, November 4, 2010 07:42:54 PM via web
  482. maxellithorpe
    Max Ellithorpe
    @MayorEmanuel oh yeah? nothing about oprah? nothing about the new fleece blanket they gave you onboard? did you tell it like it was? Thursday, November 4, 2010 07:41:47 PM via web in reply to MayorEmanuel
  483. @maxellithorpe I get on an airplane and you know what I do? I motherfucking fall asleep. Takes a fucking flight attended to wake me up. Thursday, November 4, 2010 07:43:51 PM via web in reply to maxellithorpe
  484. David Geffen keeps egging him on. Geffen, by the way, travels with a pack of tiny fucking dogs. There are like 40 of them here. Thursday, November 4, 2010 07:45:05 PM via web
  485. Ari has a midget walking around with a bowl strapped to his head for people to put money in. "He's your donation munchkin!!" Fuck. Thursday, November 4, 2010 07:50:55 PM via web
  486. When the midget walked in, I said "Ari, no." And he said, "Look, you fucking piece of shit, at least it's not a coke mirror on his head." Thursday, November 4, 2010 07:54:31 PM via web
  487. Kid Rock just showed up. I feel giddy like a motherfucking schoolgirl. Thursday, November 4, 2010 08:05:33 PM via web
  488. Bob Iger just showed up just wearing a little leather pouch over his cock. Ari says that's how he's always dressed when he's not at Disney. Thursday, November 4, 2010 08:30:20 PM via web
  489. You know who's fucking classy? Meryl motherfucking Streep. She didn't show, but she sent a really nice card. And $10k. Thursday, November 4, 2010 08:46:25 PM via web
  490. Kid Rock and Geffen got into a fistfight. Crashed through the french doors, off the balcony and into the pool. His dogs are jumping in too. Thursday, November 4, 2010 08:53:49 PM via web
  491. Seriously there are like 70 fucking tiny dogs freaking the fuck out in the pool. Donation munchkin is trying to fish them out. There he goes Thursday, November 4, 2010 08:57:09 PM via web
  492. So now my fucking money is floating in the pool, while a midget, 80 tiny dogs, David fucking Geffen and Kid Rock splash around. Thursday, November 4, 2010 09:00:24 PM via web
  493. Jesus fucking christ this is a fucking disaster. I should have just stayed shaking hands at your motherfucking L station. Thursday, November 4, 2010 09:11:31 PM via web
  494. Iger seems to have "lost" his cock-pouch. Just fucking perfect. Thursday, November 4, 2010 09:14:58 PM via web
  495. You know who's awesome? Geffen's boyfriend. Walked over, handed me a beer, and said, "Welcome to motherfucking LA. Get out while you can." Thursday, November 4, 2010 09:53:27 PM via web
  496. "Wake the fuck up, you stupid fucking shitbag." Yeah, good morning to you too, Ari. I can not wait to catch the plane home. Friday, November 5, 2010 08:34:11 AM via Seesmic for Android
  497. Kid Rock is passed out on a lawn chair and they're still pulling Geffen's dogs out of the pool filter. But I made 500k. Good fucking haul. Friday, November 5, 2010 08:40:28 AM via Seesmic for Android
  498. Three things LA has that Chicago doesn't: 1) warmth 2) a shit-ton of rich assholes willing to give me money 3) taco trucks. Friday, November 5, 2010 09:00:42 AM via Seesmic for Android
  499. One thing Chicago has that LA doesn't: a fucking soul. Let's head motherfucking home. Friday, November 5, 2010 09:05:33 AM via Seesmic for Android
  500. MPH777
    Michael Harty
    @MayorEmanuel I have to know where that picture possibly came from?? Friday, November 5, 2010 09:29:18 AM via TweetDeck in reply to MayorEmanuel
  501. @MPH777 from a motherfucking camera Friday, November 5, 2010 09:39:27 AM via Seesmic for Android in reply to MPH777
  502. When I beat you, I'm not sitting down to dinner with you afterwards. I'm not having a fucking beer. When I beat you, you stay fucking beat. Friday, November 5, 2010 04:24:55 PM via Seesmic for Android
  503. Fuck you, Chicago, it's motherfucking Friday motherfucking night. Time to go the fuck home. Friday, November 5, 2010 05:59:33 PM via Seesmic for Android
  504. Whoever called this motherfucking Saturday morning meeting is a motherfucking dead man. Saturday, November 6, 2010 08:26:29 AM via Seesmic for Android
  505. redheadedgirl
    Redheadedgirl
    Who's fucking hangover did I get? @MayorEmanuel, is this yours? Can you fucking take it back, please? Saturday, November 6, 2010 01:41:16 PM via TweetDeck
  506. @redheadedgirl motherfucking finders motherfucking keepers Saturday, November 6, 2010 01:43:01 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to redheadedgirl
  507. Fuck you, Daylight Savings Time, fuck you right in your stupid fucking sun orbit. Sunday, November 7, 2010 08:01:52 AM via web
  508. You know what's cute? That Chico thinks he has a fucking chance. Awwwww. Sunday, November 7, 2010 09:23:14 AM via Seesmic for Android
  509. I'd be more excited about this bears win if the experience of watching them didn't feel like stuffing a Q- tip up my fucking urethra. Sunday, November 7, 2010 03:16:21 PM via Seesmic for Android
  510. Fucking motherfucking fuck-loving coffee. Monday, November 8, 2010 07:29:23 AM via Twitter for iPad
  511. Today's strategy session: Do we actually pretend that Davis and Chico matter, or do we just not give a fuck? Monday, November 8, 2010 09:21:00 AM via Seesmic for Android
  512. billthebutcher2
    Bill Wetzel
    @mayoremanuel You're awesome. I'd like to interview you for a column. You crack me up. If interested email me: billthebutcher2@hotmail.com Monday, November 8, 2010 09:24:44 AM via web
  513. @billthebutcher2 like I'm going to do press for your two-bit motherfucking blog. Monday, November 8, 2010 09:31:11 AM via Seesmic for Android in reply to billthebutcher2
  514. Fuck you, winter! It's motherfucking incredible outside! Monday, November 8, 2010 12:47:07 PM via Seesmic for Android
  515. I know I'm supposed to be shaking hands at some fucking factory, but fuck it: Me and Axelrod are heading to the Oak Street Beach. You in? Tuesday, November 9, 2010 09:56:41 AM via Seesmic for Android
  516. In a few weeks, you're going to be cock-deep in snow. Fuck your job and come to the motherfucking beach, you assholes. Tuesday, November 9, 2010 10:08:05 AM via Seesmic for Android
  517. Axelrod in a Speedo is a motherfucking magnificent sight. Tuesday, November 9, 2010 10:23:26 AM via Seesmic for Android
  518. gwmusic
    Gordon Wright
    @immerito Agreed. Maintain resolve. Don't be weakened by the enticements of @MayorEmanuel and his ilk. Tuesday, November 9, 2010 10:27:15 AM via HootSuite in reply to Immerito
  519. @gwmusic @immerito Get off your fucking fat asses and hit the motherfucking beach. The fucking winter will fuck you either way. Tuesday, November 9, 2010 10:38:54 AM via Seesmic for Android in reply to gwmusic
  520. Standing knee-deep in this fucking water, feeling the sun in my face. If someone hands me a taco al pastor, I'd be happy to fucking die here Tuesday, November 9, 2010 10:49:57 AM via Seesmic for Android
  521. If this weather holds up, I'll use my political capital in DC to change November to Nofuckingvember! With the fucking exclamation point. Tuesday, November 9, 2010 11:27:07 AM via Seesmic for Android
  522. Kites, people. Look at this fucking weather. Today it's motherfucking kites. Wednesday, November 10, 2010 08:43:19 AM via Seesmic for Android
  523. Seriously, Axelrod and I are heading to Montrose fucking Harbor. I'll be flying the giant fucking pirate ship. Axelrod's got Hello Kitty. Wednesday, November 10, 2010 08:50:50 AM via Seesmic for Android
  524. ElectraQ101
    Electra
    @MayorEmanuel My man and I ate a fuck-it bucket of chicken last night. You are an inspiration to us all. Wednesday, November 10, 2010 08:44:10 AM via TweetDeck in reply to MayorEmanuel
  525. @ElectraQ101 I do what I motherfucking can. Wednesday, November 10, 2010 08:51:30 AM via Seesmic for Android in reply to ElectraQ101
  526. When Axelrod pulled up in his Civic, he was still in his fucking Speedo. "It just feels right." Fuck yes. Wednesday, November 10, 2010 09:08:02 AM via Seesmic for Android
  527. I just want to bend this weather over and fuck it until it hurts. Wednesday, November 10, 2010 12:31:52 PM via Seesmic for Android
  528. And you know what? You do to. NOFUCKINGVEMBER! Wednesday, November 10, 2010 12:36:21 PM via Seesmic for Android
  529. Text from Plouffe: "Vacation's over, ass-wipes. Back to work tomorrow." Axelrod just mooned my phone. Wednesday, November 10, 2010 02:26:25 PM via Seesmic for Android
  530. HuffPostChicago
    HuffPost Chicago
    @mayoremanuel Any choice words for your tenant / possible mayoral challenger? https://huff.to/bQnI6H Wednesday, November 10, 2010 02:09:45 PM via web
  531. @HuffPostChicago no motherfucking comment. Wednesday, November 10, 2010 02:36:28 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to HuffPostChicago
  532. @HuffPostChicago actually, I do have a fucking comment: it's a non-fucking story. A fucking publicity stunt by marginalized ward assholes. Wednesday, November 10, 2010 02:50:43 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to HuffPostChicago
  533. SamAbernethy
    Samantha
    @mayoremanuel Gee, how nice of you to finally tell us why you're here. I couldn't stand the suspense any longer. https://bit.ly/dw2fHZ Wednesday, November 10, 2010 08:02:22 PM via web
  534. @SamAbernethy I said that we didn't need to fucking worry about it, but Plouffe insisted. Wednesday, November 10, 2010 08:09:53 PM via web in reply to SamAbernethy
  535. SamAbernethy
    Samantha
    @MayorEmanuel Yeah, well I had fucking plans on Saturday and now you're fucking ruining them. So tell Plouffe to shove it up his v-hole. Wednesday, November 10, 2010 08:18:10 PM via web in reply to MayorEmanuel
  536. @SamAbernethy I am so fucking far ahead of you on that one it's not even motherfucking funny. Wednesday, November 10, 2010 08:19:01 PM via web in reply to SamAbernethy
  537. As punishment for taking the last two days off, Plouffe just faxed over a press release: I'm announcing on a fucking Saturday. Fuck me. Wednesday, November 10, 2010 08:25:19 PM via web
  538. I faxed him back a picture of my cock. Fuck this motherfucking Saturday bullshit. Wednesday, November 10, 2010 08:57:52 PM via web
  539. DanLambert22
    Dan Lambert
    @MayorEmanuel I saw you coming out of @RockitChicago a few weeks ago. Are you and Billy Dec BFFs now? Wednesday, November 10, 2010 09:14:41 PM via web
  540. @DanLambert22 sometimes you send a shitbox via the post office, and sometimes you deliver them in person. It was a motherfucking special one Wednesday, November 10, 2010 09:17:38 PM via web in reply to DanLambert22
  541. Motherfucking cock-bowling shit-cleaners. Where is that fuck-crying qqcoffee? Thursday, November 11, 2010 07:41:17 AM via Seesmic for Android
  542. Fuck, I'm so fucking tired that I can't even motherfucking typ. Thursday, November 11, 2010 07:43:55 AM via Seesmic for Android
  543. You know what's wrong with motherfucking John Kass besides fucking everything? That he actually thinks that "Rahmfather" shit is clever. Thursday, November 11, 2010 07:55:08 AM via Seesmic for Android
  544. Seriously, that guy needs to shut his talentless fucking trap before he wakes up one morning to find his hairplugs stuffed up his piss hole Thursday, November 11, 2010 07:57:43 AM via Seesmic for Android
  545. Plouffe faxed the schedule. I'm heading to some Internet company today. Like we're going to save the fucking economy with 50% off spa days. Thursday, November 11, 2010 08:08:27 AM via Seesmic for Android
  546. EllenMalloy
    Ellen Malloy
    @MayorEmanuel Fake Rahm, you owe me a new keyboard for this morning's tweet. Please ensure it is in the city budget upon your coronation. Thursday, November 11, 2010 08:15:16 AM via web in reply to MayorEmanuel
  547. @EllenMalloy fuck you and your fucking keyboard Thursday, November 11, 2010 08:18:27 AM via Seesmic for Android in reply to EllenMalloy
  548. Been on this Groupon tour for 20 minutes wondering why the fuck a 12-year-old is leading it. Turns out he's their CEO. Thursday, November 11, 2010 11:41:52 AM via Seesmic for Android
  549. Apparently we're saving the fucking city by thwarting child labor laws. I swear there's nobody in this building above the age of 13. Thursday, November 11, 2010 11:46:50 AM via Seesmic for Android
  550. Seriously, can someone offer these guys 50% off employees that can grow fucking pubic hair? Thursday, November 11, 2010 11:51:28 AM via Seesmic for Android
  551. Axelrod has been playing foosball while I've been dragged on this motherfucking tour. How many computers do I have to stand and look at? Thursday, November 11, 2010 12:01:20 PM via Seesmic for Android
  552. That said, I've gotten 50% off so many motherfucking manicures that my cuticles are going to motherfucking blind you. Thursday, November 11, 2010 12:11:08 PM via Seesmic for Android
  553. Hey Chico and Davis, I got you a Fuckyoupon: 50% off getting out of this race with your dick still stitched on. Thursday, November 11, 2010 12:18:54 PM via Seesmic for Android
  554. Fax from Plouffe: Alexi's considering making a run for mayor. That's what we need: more motherfucking losers in this race. Thursday, November 11, 2010 07:41:15 PM via web
  555. I swear to fucking god, Alexi enters the race and I will break my dick off and fuck him in his motherfucking exposed pores. Thursday, November 11, 2010 07:42:07 PM via web
  556. (Deleted before I could archive it.)
  557. @GrapesofLife Like there is any fucking chance of that in this universe or any fucking other. Thursday, November 11, 2010 07:42:50 PM via web in reply to MendezMusings
  558. I would rather debate my own fucking ballsack than have to stand at a podium across from Alexi and listen to his dumb fucking mouth. Thursday, November 11, 2010 07:47:08 PM via web
  559. Hey Alexi, I picked up a Fuckyoupon for you too: 75% off your worst motherfucking nightmare. Thursday, November 11, 2010 07:51:06 PM via web
  560. cieslak
    chris cieslak
    @MayorEmanuel I've had that debate and it's way tougher than you might think. Thursday, November 11, 2010 08:00:04 PM via Twitter for iPhone in reply to MayorEmanuel
  561. @cieslak I'm not suggesting it because it's motherfucking EASY you fucking twat-cram. Thursday, November 11, 2010 08:01:26 PM via web in reply to cieslak
  562. Seriously, the thought of Alexi motherfucking Giannoulias entering this goddamn race makes me feel like my fucking brain is on fire. Thursday, November 11, 2010 08:02:14 PM via web
  563. I motherfucking need some motherfucking coffee poured down my motherfucking gullet right motherfucking now. Friday, November 12, 2010 07:43:25 AM via web
  564. Strategy session for tomorrow: Axelrod says, "Why the fuck do you think I'm here, you fucking shitbags." Is "too strong" of an opener. Friday, November 12, 2010 08:10:28 AM via Seesmic for Android
  565. Plouffe's on speaker. Says I should look " fresh faced." If that asshole ever comes to Chicago, I'm going to stick my ballsack in his eye. Friday, November 12, 2010 08:15:36 AM via Seesmic for Android
  566. Axelrod also says no to, "I'm not here because I like you fucking twat-warts, I'm here to be your mayor." Friday, November 12, 2010 08:30:33 AM via Seesmic for Android
  567. Touring some fucking T- shirt company today. T-shirts and coupons? This city is so fucking motherfucking fucked. Friday, November 12, 2010 10:13:51 AM via Seesmic for Android
  568. Seriously, this city used to build things. Now we're just assholes with novelty t-shirts. I'm with motherfucking stupid. Friday, November 12, 2010 10:34:36 AM via Seesmic for Android
  569. Axelrod's excited though: "I want the one of the cookie drinking a glass of milk." Friday, November 12, 2010 10:42:15 AM via Seesmic for Android
  570. juggernautco
    Daniel X. O'Neil
    Hey @MayorEmanuel I'll give you a dollar if you follow me on Twitter. Friday, November 12, 2010 10:48:10 AM via TweetDeck
  571. @juggernautco why the fuck would I fucking follow any of you assholes? Friday, November 12, 2010 10:52:25 AM via Seesmic for Android in reply to juggernautco
  572. For the next hour I'm going to be staring blankly at T-shirts pretending like I give a fuck. Friday, November 12, 2010 10:54:12 AM via Seesmic for Android
  573. Yeah, it really is just a giant fucking pile of T-shirts. Axelrod is wearing about half of them at this point. Friday, November 12, 2010 11:22:31 AM via Seesmic for Android
  574. Axelrod: "Do you have any shirts with wolves on them?" That fucking guy is obsessed with wolves. Friday, November 12, 2010 11:32:06 AM via Seesmic for Android
  575. juggernautco
    Daniel X. O'Neil
    @MayorEmanuel um, so you can get a dollar? Friday, November 12, 2010 11:30:38 AM via TweetDeck in reply to MayorEmanuel
  576. @juggernautco Penny Pritzker calls me regularly. I don't need your fucking dollar. Friday, November 12, 2010 11:33:12 AM via Seesmic for Android in reply to juggernautco
  577. aliasvaughn
    Ale
    @MayorEmanuel don't complain.. he could be obsessed with Twilight instead. Friday, November 12, 2010 11:33:13 AM via TweetDeck in reply to MayorEmanuel
  578. @aliasvaughn don't even get me motherfucking started. Friday, November 12, 2010 11:35:11 AM via Seesmic for Android in reply to aliasvaughn
  579. Can't pull Axelrod away from this fucking ping-pong table. Maybe I need to leave a trail of T-shirts leading out the door, breadcrumb style. Friday, November 12, 2010 12:05:52 PM via Seesmic for Android
  580. I see Alexi got that Fuckyoupon I sent over. Mason was right: the real profit is when they don't redeem them. Friday, November 12, 2010 01:58:09 PM via Seesmic for Android
  581. SamAbernethy
    Samantha
    Whoa, @mayoremanuel is 50. I didn't think he was that old. He must sleep in a tupperware container to stay fresh. Friday, November 12, 2010 01:22:41 PM via web
  582. @SamAbernethy seething hate does wonders for the skin. Friday, November 12, 2010 01:59:15 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to SamAbernethy
  583. Finally got Axelrod away from the ping-pong. Never need to look at another motherfucking T-shirt again. Friday, November 12, 2010 04:06:28 PM via Seesmic for Android
  584. Action Items: (1) fucking (2) finally (3) it's fucking (4) motherfucking (5) Friday (6) fucking (7) night Friday, November 12, 2010 04:32:42 PM via Seesmic for Android
  585. Jesus motherfucking Christ, this goddamn Saturday morning announcement is going to motherfucking kill me. COFFEE. Saturday, November 13, 2010 09:21:33 AM via Seesmic for Android
  586. The only thing that's going to get me through this is knowing that when I shake your hand, mine is covered in cock sweat. Saturday, November 13, 2010 09:44:32 AM via Seesmic for Android
  587. We were supposed to do this at 10, but its going to take a motherfucking hour to navigate through all these fucking baby strollers. Go home Saturday, November 13, 2010 09:58:51 AM via Seesmic for Android
  588. Thank fucking god: Axelrod slipped me a couple fucking shots just now. Here goes motherfucking nothing. Saturday, November 13, 2010 11:06:02 AM via Seesmic for Android
  589. Speech preview: I've spent these last weeks listening to your problems. And gone home every fucking night and poured bleach in my ears. Saturday, November 13, 2010 11:12:03 AM via Seesmic for Android
  590. Who the fuck are these people talking right now? Am I at the wrong fucking event? Saturday, November 13, 2010 11:17:08 AM via Seesmic for Android
  591. My god, it's like I'm at a convention of the saddest fucking people in Chicago. Saturday, November 13, 2010 11:19:10 AM via Seesmic for Android
  592. Speech preview: Despite all of you, I still want to be the motherfucking mayor. Saturday, November 13, 2010 11:23:57 AM via Seesmic for Android
  593. Christ- sucking cock-holes, that was 45 minutes I will never, fucking ever, get back. Saturday, November 13, 2010 11:46:12 AM via Seesmic for Android
  594. And now I have to stand around kissing all of your fucking asses while the weather turns from shitty to motherfucking miserable. Fuck this. Saturday, November 13, 2010 11:47:35 AM via Seesmic for Android
  595. scarpetablog
    Sharna Marcus
    @MayorEmanuel why are so many aldermen opposed to you being mayor? Saturday, November 13, 2010 12:14:37 PM via web in reply to MayorEmanuel
  596. @scarpetablog because they're all fucking assholes? Saturday, November 13, 2010 01:29:20 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to scarpetablog
  597. Axelrod and I are heading over for a celebratory meal at Superdawg. I am going to eat the living shit out of a motherfucking Whoopskidawg. Saturday, November 13, 2010 06:58:58 PM via Seesmic for Android
  598. Sleeping motherfucking in today. No more listening tour for you assholes means more sleep for me. Fuck yes. Sunday, November 14, 2010 10:49:50 AM via web
  599. Picked up a Fuckyoupon for Meeks this weekend: 50% off nobody gives a fuck. Monday, November 15, 2010 08:30:34 AM via Seesmic for Android
  600. Axelrod's Civic broke an axle on the way to file our petitions today, so Carl the Intern had to steal a cart from Jewel and walk 'em. Monday, November 15, 2010 08:38:56 AM via Seesmic for Android
  601. Meanwhile, we're over at the Grease Monkey trying not to get completely fucked on the axle replacement. Monday, November 15, 2010 08:40:15 AM via Seesmic for Android
  602. What the fucking fuck is a "constant velocity joint" and can we get by without one? Monday, November 15, 2010 08:52:04 AM via Seesmic for Android
  603. Before he wheeled off with our petitions, I gave Carl head-fake lessons. Chico is about to get the head-faking of a fucking lifetime. Monday, November 15, 2010 09:03:13 AM via Seesmic for Android
  604. Axelrod's Civic already gets by without a passenger-side windows or radio. Does it really need a differential seal? Monday, November 15, 2010 09:07:13 AM via Seesmic for Android
  605. VinnyVanHogh
    TryingToBeFunny
    @MayorEmanuel It's the part on your car that is specifically designed to wear out early and costs way too much to fix. Monday, November 15, 2010 09:10:10 AM via TweetCaster in reply to MayorEmanuel
  606. @VinnyVanHogh fucking fuck me. Monday, November 15, 2010 09:11:57 AM via Seesmic for Android in reply to VinnyVanHogh
  607. Carl just called Axelrod's Razr: Cart tipped over on Washington, most of the petitions ended up in the street. Not my fucking day. Monday, November 15, 2010 09:15:44 AM via Seesmic for Android
  608. Carl says he got most of the petitions and that they're "mostly just muddy." At least that'll cover the coffee I spilled on them. Monday, November 15, 2010 09:22:12 AM via Seesmic for Android
  609. Shit is so fucking motherfucking fucked that I keep fucking forgetting to fucking swear. Fuck. Monday, November 15, 2010 09:26:32 AM via Seesmic for Android
  610. detour1999
    Dylan Richard
    @MayorEmanuel cv joints keep your wheels at the right speed when the car turns, also transmit power from trans to wheels. You need them. Monday, November 15, 2010 09:24:17 AM via Twitter for Android in reply to MayorEmanuel
  611. @detour1999 Jesus motherfucking Christ. Monday, November 15, 2010 09:28:56 AM via Seesmic for Android in reply to detour1999
  612. MCYax
    Mike Yax
    What do you think about this? @MayorEmanuel RT @nytimes For Emanuel, Obstacles in Path to Chicago Mayor https://nyti.ms/aDnMvP Monday, November 15, 2010 09:27:19 AM via web in reply to nytimes
  613. @DeclanMellor if they're talking about the pothole on Clyborn, then they're right fucking on. Monday, November 15, 2010 09:31:48 AM via Seesmic for Android in reply to MCYax
  614. Finally getting Axelrod's out of the shop. Motherfuck. Carl says Mosley-Braun was crowing about having the most signatures. Fuck her. Monday, November 15, 2010 05:57:12 PM via Seesmic for Android
  615. All Mosley-Braun's signatures and two bucks will buy her a Coke. No idea how much it'd cost her to buy a fucking clue. Monday, November 15, 2010 05:59:07 PM via Seesmic for Android
  616. semibold
    Kathy M.
    @MayorEmanuel If you're going to bash someone, at least spell her name right. Moseley-Braun. Monday, November 15, 2010 06:03:49 PM via web in reply to MayorEmanuel
  617. @semibold if it was 1993, I'd totally give a fuck. Monday, November 15, 2010 06:05:50 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to semibold
  618. Holy fucking Jesus fuck. Where the fucking fuck is the motherfucking coffee? Tuesday, November 16, 2010 07:35:22 AM via Seesmic for Android
  619. When I was a dancer, I learned the phrase "mutually assured destruction." Meeks, Davis, and Braun should fucking look it up. Tuesday, November 16, 2010 10:06:21 AM via web
  620. Been driving with the Teamsters all day. Pulled up to Chico's house in a big rig and blew on the horn. Beep beep, motherfucker! Tuesday, November 16, 2010 05:08:49 PM via web
  621. foxchicago
    Fox Chicago News
    @mayoremanuel Salon says you're one of the sexiest men alive: https://bit.ly/c44lYx Tuesday, November 16, 2010 05:14:33 PM via web
  622. @foxchicago Salon's always had good taste. Unlike, say, a motherfucking local Fox News outpost. Go fuck yourselves in the Rupert Murdoch. Tuesday, November 16, 2010 05:16:40 PM via web in reply to foxchicago
  623. Another thing about the Teamsters: You have not eaten a sandwich until you have eaten a motherfucking Teamster sandwich. Tuesday, November 16, 2010 05:23:25 PM via Seesmic for Android
  624. aaronmandersen
    Aaron Andersen
    @MayorEmanuel Good job. You made the same sexy men list as Zach Galifianakis. Stellar work. Tuesday, November 16, 2010 05:24:22 PM via web in reply to MayorEmanuel
  625. @aaronmandersen I'm supposed to know who the fucking fuck that is? Tuesday, November 16, 2010 05:26:41 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to aaronmandersen
  626. marcgeelhoed
    Marc Geelhoed
    @MayorEmanuel Try this on: "Wasn't Teamster Sandwich some Andersonville lesbian bar?" You know you need a fast jokewriter. Tuesday, November 16, 2010 05:31:43 PM via web in reply to MayorEmanuel
  627. @marcgeelhoed Tell me if you meet one, because clearly you're not the motherfucking guy for the job. Jesus fucking christ. Lesbian jokes? Tuesday, November 16, 2010 06:03:38 PM via web in reply to marcgeelhoed
  628. Hanging with Teamsters is like hanging with high school kids, but with mustaches. You just eat, drink, and fucking drive around. Tuesday, November 16, 2010 06:06:34 PM via web
  629. marcgeelhoed
    Marc Geelhoed
    @MayorEmanuel When did you grow a conscience? Tuesday, November 16, 2010 06:07:53 PM via Twitter for BlackBerry® in reply to MayorEmanuel
  630. @marcgeelhoed Conscience? It's just that 1985 wanted its joke back, you stupid fucking motherfucker. Tuesday, November 16, 2010 06:09:08 PM via web in reply to marcgeelhoed
  631. Axelrod and this Teamster named Bruno are in the mother of all pizza eating contests. Fucking I kid you not: we're in hour three. Tuesday, November 16, 2010 09:45:29 PM via Seesmic for Android
  632. Axelrod's been puking most of the night. The price of motherfucking victory. Wednesday, November 17, 2010 08:15:53 AM via web
  633. Hanging out with beat cops today, as my motherfucking Chicago mustache tour continues. Tomorrow: cartoon Italian plumbers Wednesday, November 17, 2010 09:07:58 AM via Seesmic for Android
  634. He keeps this residency shit up, and I'm going to cram my motherfucking mortgage documents right up Ed Burke's pockmarked ass. Wednesday, November 17, 2010 11:39:57 AM via Seesmic for Android
  635. I'm not saying Daley's a bad guy, but his new budget just fucked you in the ass without even saying please. Wednesday, November 17, 2010 05:23:41 PM via Seesmic for Android
  636. Next parking meter box you see, whip your cock out and fuck the coin return. Coin-slot-sex is the only thing you'll see from the meter deal. Wednesday, November 17, 2010 05:33:12 PM via Seesmic for Android
  637. I mean really, how the fuck do you fucking twat-up a hundred-year lease deal? Just a few coins motherfucking left over? Fuck this shit. Wednesday, November 17, 2010 05:57:24 PM via Seesmic for Android
  638. So now we're all running to be mayor of a city that's so fucking motherfucking broke, we'll all be selling plasma to fund the schools. Fuck. Wednesday, November 17, 2010 06:05:38 PM via Seesmic for Android
  639. Staffing up with a new intern, who just walked in with motherfucking tea. Hey what's-your-fuck, you're out. Thursday, November 18, 2010 07:36:28 AM via Seesmic for Android
  640. Axelrod's already getting his motherfucking Hagrid costume together for the Deathly Hallows opening tomorrow. Thursday, November 18, 2010 08:01:39 AM via Seesmic for Android
  641. I keep telling Axelrod that I'm going as Gandalf. He's getting so fucking mad I think his mustache might fall off. Thursday, November 18, 2010 08:09:06 AM via Seesmic for Android
  642. Strategy session, and every motherfucking suggestion from Axelrod involves a fucking Harry Potter reference. Thursday, November 18, 2010 08:24:33 AM via Seesmic for Android
  643. Fuck: "Let's cast lumos on the budget situation." Thursday, November 18, 2010 08:25:44 AM via Seesmic for Android
  644. Motherfuck: "Let's use Stupefy on Chico." Thursday, November 18, 2010 08:27:17 AM via Seesmic for Android
  645. I know it's only 8:30, but I need a motherfucking drink. Thursday, November 18, 2010 08:31:06 AM via Seesmic for Android
  646. Axelrod spent most of the 2:30 meeting "getting all of you up to speed on the Harry Potter franchise." Can it fucking be midnight yet? Thursday, November 18, 2010 03:17:51 PM via Seesmic for Android
  647. 3/4 of the way through his retelling, he started crying because Dumbledore was killed. And he hasn't fucking stopped bawling since. Thursday, November 18, 2010 03:19:47 PM via Seesmic for Android
  648. I swear, by the end of this day, I may just stuff this motherfucking wand in my motherfucking ear hole. Thursday, November 18, 2010 03:24:45 PM via Seesmic for Android
  649. This line is fucking long and fucking cold. And this fucking wizard's cloak is not magically fucking warm. Thursday, November 18, 2010 08:30:22 PM via Seesmic for Android
  650. Jesus motherfucking Christ, I have a hangover the size of fucking Hogwarts. Friday, November 19, 2010 08:38:11 AM via Seesmic for Android
  651. Meeks, you keep pushing this residency bullshit and I will cram your cross so far up your ass, it'll take three days just to fucking find it Friday, November 19, 2010 08:43:41 AM via Seesmic for Android
  652. I will admit that I'm a resident of Theothermotherfuckersaremotherfuckingdisasters-ville. Friday, November 19, 2010 08:53:47 AM via Seesmic for Android
  653. And I own a timeshare in the great city of Fuckyouton. Friday, November 19, 2010 08:55:11 AM via Seesmic for Android
  654. The first fucking person to file a suit over my residency is going to find my foot taking up residency inside their sphincter. Friday, November 19, 2010 09:00:09 AM via Seesmic for Android
  655. Fuck you all of you motherfuckers in the motherfucking asshole, it's finally motherfucking Friday night. Friday, November 19, 2010 04:53:17 PM via Seesmic for Android
  656. aaronmandersen
    Aaron Andersen
    @MayorEmanuel After 7 hours of silence, that's the best you got? Friday, November 19, 2010 04:55:23 PM via web in reply to MayorEmanuel
  657. @aaronmandersen you spend seven hours with Axelrod dressed as Hagrid and tell me if you can do any fucking better. Friday, November 19, 2010 04:57:14 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to aaronmandersen
  658. Axelrod is off at his sixth screening of Deathly Hallows but Penny Pritzker's bringing over a diamond-encrusted bucket of chicken. Fuck yes. Friday, November 19, 2010 05:11:40 PM via Seesmic for Android
  659. Penny also brought over four cans of Four Lokos and is offering me $100k for each one I drink. Easy fucking money. Friday, November 19, 2010 05:39:46 PM via Seesmic for Android
  660. Sho thag for logos shtit aignt sho fuctink touf Friday, November 19, 2010 08:17:28 PM via Seesmic for Android
  661. Im sho fuctink fukt on thiz resgidetse shid itz nod efin fungky. Friday, November 19, 2010 08:27:30 PM via Seesmic for Android
  662. Motherfucking fucking fuck fuckers. Saturday, November 20, 2010 08:04:26 AM via Seesmic for Android
  663. The decision to only use one endzone in this fucking NU game was made by fucking cocktards. Dumbest fucking game ever. Saturday, November 20, 2010 04:45:44 PM via web
  664. Going over Thanksgiving plans with Axelrod today. He's saying Harold's, I'm saying Popeye's. Fucking fuck. Sunday, November 21, 2010 08:52:36 AM via web
  665. Jesus motherfucking Christ, could it be any more gray and fucking miserable outside? Fuck this shit: stay in. Monday, November 22, 2010 08:01:18 AM via web
  666. Carl has hooked up the motherfucking coffee IV, so I might be able to overcome this fucking gray fucking day. Monday, November 22, 2010 08:38:31 AM via Seesmic for Android
  667. I hope this motherfucking monsoon floods the shit out of my former house. Learn to swim, you piece of shit. Monday, November 22, 2010 06:17:22 PM via Seesmic for Android
  668. I pissed myself laughing at the idea of a motherfucking "Draft Burris Movement." I may vote for that fuck, so he at least gets one. Monday, November 22, 2010 06:20:40 PM via Seesmic for Android
  669. Personally, I see this as a three-way race now: Me, M. Tricia Lee, and all the other sorry fucking assholes. Monday, November 22, 2010 06:27:31 PM via Seesmic for Android
  670. (Deleted before I could archive it.)
  671. @dannyyadron Carl the Intern says call him on his cell, you stupid motherfucker. Monday, November 22, 2010 06:49:23 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to dannyyadron
  672. (Deleted before I could archive it.)
  673. @dannyyadron Oh, no problem: 773-382-5968. Check the keypad, asshole. Monday, November 22, 2010 10:35:47 PM via web in reply to dannyyadron
  674. I just keep looking at this motherfucking list of candidates and thinking how they all ended up fucking circus clowns. Monday, November 22, 2010 10:53:03 PM via web
  675. Holy Jesus fuck, Carl the Intern forgot to pay the heating bill, so we're all fucking huddled around a goddamn hot pot right now. Tuesday, November 23, 2010 09:15:59 AM via web
  676. Trying to squeeze out shits that look like Turkey legs to bring to Chico's potluck. Tuesday, November 23, 2010 09:58:35 AM via web
  677. Hey Chico, I would rather be endorsed by Ed Burke's cum rag than anyone connected with the motherfucking Chicago Public Schools. Tuesday, November 23, 2010 04:31:28 PM via web
  678. During the NOLA mayor's race, candidates didn't try to get Hurricane Katrina's motherfucking endorsement. But fucking CPS is OK? Tuesday, November 23, 2010 04:56:16 PM via web
  679. Axelrod just walked in looking like the motherfucking Deerhunter. Looked me dead in the eye and said, "We bag a bird tomorrow." Tuesday, November 23, 2010 09:58:02 PM via Seesmic for Android
  680. On the way to Wisconsin with Axelrod and Carl the Intern to kill a turkey. Carl's crying. Fucking vegetarians. Wednesday, November 24, 2010 08:11:15 AM via Seesmic for Android
  681. Jesus fucking Christ, Kenosha Wisconsin is a place I never need to go again in my motherfucking life. Wednesday, November 24, 2010 09:12:09 AM via Seesmic for Android
  682. Axelrod's been driving this whole time with a knife clenched between his teeth, like he's some kind of motherfucking pirate. Wednesday, November 24, 2010 09:22:22 AM via Seesmic for Android
  683. Details, details: The knife, it turns out, is the only tool Axelrod brought for the hunt. He's chasing birds around a field, knife raised. Wednesday, November 24, 2010 10:45:17 AM via Seesmic for Android
  684. Holy fuck, he got one! Now he's standing there yelling "BATHE IN THE BLOOD OF THE BIRD!" Wednesday, November 24, 2010 11:51:19 AM via Seesmic for Android
  685. There is so much more blood in a turkey than you'd think. Jesus fucking Christ. Wednesday, November 24, 2010 03:06:47 PM via Seesmic for Android
  686. Axelrod, me, Carl, and the Civic are completely covered in blood. If we get pulled over, this could get motherfucking ugly. Wednesday, November 24, 2010 03:25:04 PM via Seesmic for Android
  687. Plouffe just faxed over the menu for tomorrow. Turns out we picked up the wrong fucking stuffing. Motherfuck. Wednesday, November 24, 2010 06:08:24 PM via Seesmic for Android
  688. There are 100,000 fucking assholes crammed into this Domincks. Get me my stuffing or I'll give you something to be fucking thankfull for. Wednesday, November 24, 2010 06:12:40 PM via Seesmic for Android
  689. They are out of motherfucking stuffing. Fuck every single one of you fucking goddamn motherfuckers right in your fucking face. Wednesday, November 24, 2010 06:35:58 PM via Seesmic for Android
  690. Fucking Ari: "Hey you asshole, I heard you bagged a bird. I'm sending my jet your way. Turkey day in LA—Pants fucking optional." Wednesday, November 24, 2010 08:49:11 PM via web
  691. Sarah_Palin_USA
    Sarah Palin
    @mayoremanuel: Happy Thanksgiving or whatever the proper greeting is for Jews! Wednesday, November 24, 2010 10:22:45 PM via Twitter for iPhone
  692. @Sarah_Palin_USA fuck you and your fucking fake account. Wednesday, November 24, 2010 11:18:13 PM via web in reply to Sarah_Palin_USA
  693. "Happy fucking Thanksgiving, you motherfucking ass-hats." That's Ari, greeting us at the limo pulled up to his house. Thursday, November 25, 2010 08:53:17 AM via web
  694. I've spent most of the day chasing Geffen's dogs around the goddamn house. They keep jumping up and grabbing shit off the counters. Thursday, November 25, 2010 08:43:49 PM via web
  695. For dinner tonight, we've got Ari, Geffen & boyfriend, Me, Axelrod, Carl the Intern, Carol Burnett, Harrison fucking Ford, and Kayne West. Thursday, November 25, 2010 08:53:13 PM via web
  696. Carol's been drinking for like five hours now, and Harrison's been sulking in a corner for some fucking reason. Thursday, November 25, 2010 08:55:19 PM via web
  697. Dinner was supposed to start an hour ago. I swear to god, I'm going to just start gnawing off my own fucking arm. Thursday, November 25, 2010 08:56:43 PM via web
  698. We're late because Carl the Intern was playing football with Geffen's boyfriend and knocked over the fucking turkey deep fryer on a play. Thursday, November 25, 2010 09:01:25 PM via web
  699. Carol keeps hitting on David Geffen and nobody has the heart to tell her she'd have a better shot at a bowl of cranberry sauce. Thursday, November 25, 2010 09:04:58 PM via web
  700. Kanye keeps bragging that his green bean casserole will "knock you on your ass." Thursday, November 25, 2010 09:11:35 PM via web
  701. This whole fucking dinner is a goddamn waiting game on Axelrod and his motherfucking deep friend turkey. Any fucking time now. Thursday, November 25, 2010 09:15:53 PM via web
  702. becks58
    becks
    @MayorEmanuel Harrison's a doofus. Thursday, November 25, 2010 09:02:03 PM via TweetDeck in reply to MayorEmanuel
  703. @becks58 He certainly seems that way. I tried to talk to him about his work in "K-19: The Widowmaker," and he just said "fuck off." Thursday, November 25, 2010 09:21:40 PM via web in reply to becks58
  704. club_is_open
    Terry Peppers
    @MayorEmanuel Axelrod is friends with his turkey? What the fuck kind of dinner are you having?! Thursday, November 25, 2010 09:24:48 PM via Twitter for iPhone in reply to MayorEmanuel
  705. @club_is_open Who the fuck died and made you the motherfucking dictionary? Excuse a fucking typo once and a while, ass-clown. Thursday, November 25, 2010 09:26:36 PM via web in reply to club_is_open
  706. Fuck this. Me and Carol and Kanye are off to find a motherfucking taco truck. Thursday, November 25, 2010 09:32:36 PM via web
  707. Carol Burnett's ordering tacos for the three of us--combo of Cabeza, Tripa, and Buche. She fucking calls it "The Hot Mess." Thursday, November 25, 2010 10:11:20 PM via web
  708. Sitting on a curb with Kanye West, Carol Burnett, a pile of tacos and a bottle of Hennessy. Happy motherfucking Thanksgiving. Thursday, November 25, 2010 10:19:02 PM via web
  709. Stayed out all night with Carol and Kanye, just walking the fuck around. Now we're hitting the stores. BLACK FUCKING FRIDAY!!! Friday, November 26, 2010 08:29:09 AM via web
  710. Holy fuck, Carol got the greatest deal on a back massager I have ever fucking seen in my life. Friday, November 26, 2010 09:03:57 AM via web
  711. And Kanye got like fucking 80% off an amazing fucking set of bathroom towels. Bed Bath & Beyond FTMFW. Friday, November 26, 2010 09:04:37 AM via web
  712. Got back to Ari's with my rental Yaris stuffed with half-price DVDs and Axelrod's standing there: "Your residency is challenged. " Fuck me. Friday, November 26, 2010 04:41:11 PM via Seesmic for Android
  713. I'm going to watch two DVDs, eat a motherfucking In'n'Out, check out Kanye's dolphin tank, then get on a plane and fight this shit. FUCK. Friday, November 26, 2010 04:52:45 PM via web
  714. Jesus fucking Christ, dolphins are motherfucking graceful fucking animals. Friday, November 26, 2010 07:22:30 PM via web
  715. Strategy session: Just how fucked are the fucking fucks that are trying to fuck us? Very fucking fucked. Saturday, November 27, 2010 03:26:06 PM via web
  716. Heading down to heckle Meeks at his church. He wants to fuck where I live, I'll fuck him right back. Sunday, November 28, 2010 09:42:02 AM via Seesmic for Android
  717. Alright, front row, asshole. Motherfucking God me, you stupid motherfucker. Sunday, November 28, 2010 10:45:07 AM via Seesmic for Android
  718. TraceyWithAnE
    Tracey Harkins
    Someone should tell whoever does the @mayoremanuel tweets to write G-D for God, because that would be better. #JewishLifeYo Sunday, November 28, 2010 11:05:05 PM via Twitter for iPhone
  719. @TraceyWithAnE Really? Fucking really? Fuck you and your g-ddamn motherfucking g-d. Sunday, November 28, 2010 11:31:48 PM via web in reply to TraceyWithAnE
  720. Half-hour until it's my motherfucking birthday. You fucking motherfuckers had better have gotten me something fucking nice. Sunday, November 28, 2010 11:32:44 PM via web
  721. MOTHERFUCKING MIDNIGHT. IT'S MY MOTHERFUCKING BIRTHDAY MOTHERFUCKERS. Monday, November 29, 2010 12:00:07 AM via web
  722. Carl the Intern gave me the biggest cup of coffee I've ever seen. It's motherfucking enormous! I'm crying like a baby here. Monday, November 29, 2010 07:58:14 AM via web
  723. Fuck yes: Axelrod brought over a stuffed bear holding a "happy birthday" balloon. I named him Peaches. Monday, November 29, 2010 08:38:45 AM via Seesmic for Android
  724. Fax from Plouffe: "I got you just what you wanted: An election lawyer that would make Jesus piss his fucking robes." Monday, November 29, 2010 08:43:57 AM via Seesmic for Android
  725. Axelrod keeps telling me there's a "secret birthday surprise" later. It's always motherfucking Chuck E Cheese. Monday, November 29, 2010 09:08:05 AM via Seesmic for Android
  726. litescript
    Peter Brown
    @MayorEmanuel hopefully this time its Dave & Busters. Monday, November 29, 2010 09:10:55 AM via tGadget in reply to MayorEmanuel
  727. @litescript nah, Axelrod's banned from all the Dave & Busters east of the Rockies. Monday, November 29, 2010 09:13:26 AM via Seesmic for Android in reply to litescript
  728. Also, Axelrod got spinner rims for his Civic and is trying to pass them off as a present for fucking me. "But you'll look awesome." Monday, November 29, 2010 09:16:50 AM via Seesmic for Android
  729. ChicagoLeah
    Leah Jones
    @MayorEmanuel spinner rims are legit hannuka presents and covers him for 4/8 days. Monday, November 29, 2010 09:20:09 AM via Twitter for Android in reply to MayorEmanuel
  730. @ChicagoLeah I call bullshit. Combined birthday / hannukah gifts are a fucking rip-off, except the year my parents got me a go-kart. Monday, November 29, 2010 09:24:02 AM via Seesmic for Android in reply to ChicagoLeah
  731. Meeks, Chico, and Burris have each sent fake residency papers with the note "I got you what you really wanted." Real fucking funny. Monday, November 29, 2010 12:48:41 PM via Seesmic for Android
  732. Braun just sent flowers though, because she's motherfucking classy. Monday, November 29, 2010 12:49:31 PM via Seesmic for Android
  733. I'd expect that Davis will get the memo it's my birthday in about six weeks, and issue a statement in three more. Slow motherfucker. Monday, November 29, 2010 12:52:36 PM via Seesmic for Android
  734. Holy fuck: Axelrod's surprise gift is a bar of Ex Lax and the key to the motherfucking city council chamber. Monday, November 29, 2010 05:10:09 PM via Seesmic for Android
  735. Between the Ex Lax and these two boxes of Fiber One, I'm going to be able to craft the fucking Burnham Plan of shit. Monday, November 29, 2010 05:18:36 PM via Seesmic for Android
  736. Birthday: (1) take a shit in the council chambers (2) pick up Penny Pritzker and Samurai Mike Singletary (3) taco pizza at Chuck E Cheese. Monday, November 29, 2010 05:39:17 PM via Seesmic for Android
  737. Heading over to the city council chambers now. I've got to admit: Axelrod's rims do look motherfucking sweet. Monday, November 29, 2010 05:54:45 PM via Seesmic for Android
  738. My ass is a brown fountain of motherfucking justice! Best birthday ever!! Monday, November 29, 2010 06:10:17 PM via Seesmic for Android
  739. Took a while longer to finish up in the City Council than I thought. But I'll tell you this: That shit was a motherfucking masterpiece Monday, November 29, 2010 08:05:18 PM via web
  740. As a result, we were late picking up Penny and Samurai Mike. They've been drinking the whole time they were waiting. Fucking amazing. Monday, November 29, 2010 08:06:04 PM via web
  741. You haven't fucking lived until you've heard Penny Pritzker do her rendition of the "Samurai Mike" rap from the Super Bowl Shuffle. Monday, November 29, 2010 08:14:40 PM via web
  742. Mike Singletary is up on stage with that motherfucking Chuck E Cheese robot mouse. I think Axelrod may choke he's laughing so hard. Monday, November 29, 2010 08:29:32 PM via web
  743. This trip to Chuck E Cheese just confirms it: I am the motherfucking king of whack-a-mole! Monday, November 29, 2010 09:27:55 PM via web
  744. Driving Lake Shore Drive in Axelrod's Civic, rain coming in the missing window. Penny, Samurai Mike, and I just fucking freestyling. YES. Monday, November 29, 2010 10:49:02 PM via web
  745. The clock's tickin, I just count the hours / Stop trippin, I'm trippin off the power / Till then, fuck that--the world's OURS. Monday, November 29, 2010 10:56:55 PM via web
  746. Stumbling into bed. Wet, hoarse, happy. Fifty-one is going to be all fucking right. Monday, November 29, 2010 11:36:26 PM via web
  747. Post-birthday hangover means that I'm going to make Meeks see motherfucking god for this shit he's pulling with my tenant. Tuesday, November 30, 2010 08:19:01 AM via web
  748. If you are running for mayor of Chicago, do not fuck with me today. I will take this ice pack off my head and chop your fucking dick off Tuesday, November 30, 2010 08:26:10 AM via web
  749. Positiveinlife
    Rob Lekan
    @MayorEmanuel so Braun is safe then? Tuesday, November 30, 2010 08:28:48 AM via TwitBird in reply to MayorEmanuel
  750. @Positiveinlife no, I'll chop her fucking dick off too. Tuesday, November 30, 2010 08:59:46 AM via Seesmic for Android in reply to Positiveinlife
  751. lakecountydem
    lake county democrat
    @MayorEmanuel Wouldn't the real Rahm Emanuel tweet "motherfucking G_d"? I'm starting to suspect that you aren't who you say you are! Tuesday, November 30, 2010 08:52:21 AM via web
  752. @lakecountydem who the fuck died and made you the motherfucking Talmud? Tuesday, November 30, 2010 09:05:38 AM via Seesmic for Android in reply to lakecountydem
  753. Strategy session: We're going to contest everything up to and including the existence of the motherfucking City of Chicago. Tuesday, November 30, 2010 10:25:43 AM via web
  754. So 21 Chicagoans have filed objections to my candidacy. The other 2,853,093 think I'm fucking amazing. I can live with that. Tuesday, November 30, 2010 04:25:10 PM via web
  755. Fuck this motherfucking snow right in its motherfucking nimbostratus cloud formation. Wednesday, December 1, 2010 08:41:25 AM via Seesmic for Android
  756. (Deleted before I could archive it.)
  757. @lawstcause who died and made you Tom fucking Skilling? Wednesday, December 1, 2010 08:46:43 AM via Seesmic for Android in reply to lawstcause
  758. Axelrod's been standing outside, shovel in hand, for three hours now, like he's Nanook of the fucking North. Wednesday, December 1, 2010 08:52:23 AM via Seesmic for Android
  759. I have so much fucking Hannukah shopping to finish. Fuck this motherfucking lunar calendar bullahit. Wednesday, December 1, 2010 09:29:43 AM via Seesmic for Android
  760. emaufmuth
     
    @MayorEmanuel I would have thought you would be better at skeeball. Wednesday, December 1, 2010 10:55:13 AM via web in reply to MayorEmanuel
  761. @emaufmuth the fucking finger fucks me on Skeeball. Wednesday, December 1, 2010 11:39:13 AM via Seesmic for Android in reply to emaufmuth
  762. All this "starting at sundown" shit would be a lot fucking easier if sundown wasn't in the middle of the goddamn afternoon. Wednesday, December 1, 2010 04:14:28 PM via Seesmic for Android
  763. Jesus fucking Christ, it turns out that Carl the Intern used to hustle kids on the Dreidel back in Hebrew school. Wednesday, December 1, 2010 06:47:44 PM via Seesmic for Android
  764. Thanks to him, we're up to our ears in fucking Hannukah gelt. Wednesday, December 1, 2010 06:53:26 PM via Seesmic for Android
  765. Holy fucking motherfucking fuck, where the fucking fuck is the motherfucking coffee. Thursday, December 2, 2010 07:48:31 AM via Seesmic for Android
  766. Danny Davis would be a worthy motherfucking opponent if it was 1982. Thursday, December 2, 2010 07:58:32 AM via Seesmic for Android
  767. And Gery Chico would be a threat if we were running for president of the fucking PTA. Thursday, December 2, 2010 07:59:55 AM via Seesmic for Android
  768. And Braun would have a lock if we were competing for placement on a motherfucking Trivial Pursuit card. Thursday, December 2, 2010 08:01:51 AM via Seesmic for Android
  769. New slogan: "It's 2010, this is for mayor, and Trivial Pursuit is for fucking pussies. Vote Emanuel." Thursday, December 2, 2010 08:09:49 AM via Seesmic for Android
  770. Keep me locked in this room with David Hoffman much longer and I'm going to turn into a fucking arsenic-eating lifeform too. Thursday, December 2, 2010 01:41:43 PM via Seesmic for Android
  771. Seriously, there is a reason this guy lost to dumb-fucking Alexi. And that reason is he is a motherfucking painfully boring motherfucker. Thursday, December 2, 2010 01:58:35 PM via Seesmic for Android
  772. Seriously I just look at that motherfucker and I get sleepy. They should stand him outside mattress stores. Make a fucking fortune. Thursday, December 2, 2010 02:03:29 PM via Seesmic for Android
  773. Sure, he's a fucking stand-up guy, and I'm fucking glad he's on ou... zzzzzzzzzzzzz Thursday, December 2, 2010 02:12:50 PM via Seesmic for Android
  774. Jesus fucking Christ, I almost burnt the motherfucking house down lighting that second candle. Thursday, December 2, 2010 06:35:49 PM via Seesmic for Android
  775. ChrisFidis
    Chris Fidis
    @MayorEmanuel - Never use the lords name in vein!!! Before spewing out the words you just spoke on your tweet would you say this in church? Thursday, December 2, 2010 06:39:00 PM via web in reply to MayorEmanuel
  776. @ChrisFidis not my lord, asshole. Thursday, December 2, 2010 06:48:25 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to ChrisFidis
  777. ChrisFidis
    Chris Fidis
    @MayorEmanuel For you to respond as such you exhibit NO CLASS! You should be ashamed to represent chicago constituents. #CBS #ABC #NBC #CNN Thursday, December 2, 2010 07:07:27 PM via web in reply to MayorEmanuel
  778. @ChrisFidis uh, you realize that you're talking to a fake account, right? Move along, dumbass. Thursday, December 2, 2010 07:12:20 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to ChrisFidis
  779. Motherfuck! The! Sleep! Of! Hoffman! Is! The! Greatest! Sleep! Of! All! Motherfucking! Time! Hoff! Me! Again! Motherfucker! Friday, December 3, 2010 07:59:32 AM via web
  780. You know what's just fucking adorable? That Ed Burke still thinks he fucking matters. Friday, December 3, 2010 09:38:02 AM via Seesmic for Android
  781. Axelrod just ripped the bumper off his Civic trying to attach a fucking plow to it. "Just trying to be prepared." Friday, December 3, 2010 10:31:30 AM via Seesmic for Android
  782. What are you waiting for? Motherfuck every fucking thing, it's Friday fucking night! No snow yet, you assholes get out there! Friday, December 3, 2010 05:11:43 PM via Seesmic for Android
  783. Fuck this snow. Fuck this snow. Fuck this motherfucking snow. Saturday, December 4, 2010 08:04:30 AM via Seesmic for Android
  784. I'm out here fucking shoveling this shit myself because Axelrod has been fucking catatonic since he heard motherfucking Ron Santo died. Saturday, December 4, 2010 08:09:35 AM via Seesmic for Android
  785. Jankowski60
    John
    @MayorEmanuel Yeah, but if you're Mayor you better keep snow off the streets-- or get fired like Mayor Byrne Saturday, December 4, 2010 08:08:49 AM via web in reply to MayorEmanuel
  786. @Jankowski60 hey dumbshit, it was Bilandic not motherfucking Byrne. Get your shit straight, asshole. Saturday, December 4, 2010 08:21:39 AM via Seesmic for Android in reply to Jankowski60
  787. Worst fucking part is that I'm out here in fucking wingtips because my motherfucking boots are in the attic of my fucking rented house. Saturday, December 4, 2010 08:25:00 AM via Seesmic for Android
  788. My feet are so fucking numb that I'm considering setting them on fucking fire. Saturday, December 4, 2010 10:02:40 AM via Seesmic for Android
  789. Also, Carl the Intern won't make me a hot cocoa because he's sitting shiva with Axelrod over Santo. Fuck me. Saturday, December 4, 2010 10:03:46 AM via Seesmic for Android
  790. Axelrod's outside with a chainsaw carving a motherfucking Ron Santo ice sculpture right now. Saturday, December 4, 2010 02:54:35 PM via Seesmic for Android
  791. Dug out Axelrod's Civic to go buy some boots. Put fucking five lawn chairs and an old ironing board in the spot. Sunday, December 5, 2010 10:50:38 AM via Seesmic for Android
  792. We drove by Chico's house and I pissed "Fuck you you fucking motherfucker" in the snow. Sunday, December 5, 2010 01:24:22 PM via Seesmic for Android
  793. Motherfucking coffee fucking commence! Monday, December 6, 2010 07:52:42 AM via Seesmic for Android
  794. Standing in front of City Hall, giving the fucking double birds to all these dumb fucks walking into the Board of Election office. Monday, December 6, 2010 10:11:32 AM via Seesmic for Android
  795. Elizabeth Edwards was fucking classy--too bad her husband was such a fucking douche-cock. And also about the cancer. Monday, December 6, 2010 05:15:28 PM via Seesmic for Android
  796. Holy fuck, it's motherfucking cold as motherfucking shit outside. Tuesday, December 7, 2010 08:04:05 AM via web
  797. So my tenant isn't running for mayor after all. What a fucking motherfucking shock. Tuesday, December 7, 2010 10:24:36 AM via Seesmic for Android
  798. It warms my asshole to see dumb motherfuckers get kicked off the ballot. Tuesday, December 7, 2010 10:40:08 AM via Seesmic for Android
  799. pigeonspotting
    H
    @MayorEmanuel did you dibs your shoveled out parking space this weekend Tuesday, December 7, 2010 12:35:31 PM via txt
  800. @pigeonspotting it's not my fucking job to catch you up on tweets you didn't fucking read. Tuesday, December 7, 2010 12:42:55 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to pigeonspotting
  801. I would rather hang out with Elizabeth Edwards' corpse than have to go to one of these motherfucking "mayoral forums" Tuesday, December 7, 2010 06:10:00 PM via Seesmic for Android
  802. Too motherfucking soon? Tuesday, December 7, 2010 06:15:28 PM via Seesmic for Android
  803. But really, these fucking candidate forums looking absolutely motherfucking awful. Tuesday, December 7, 2010 06:20:12 PM via Seesmic for Android
  804. I would rather stick my dick to a frozen fucking flagpole than answer another motherfucking residency question. Wednesday, December 8, 2010 09:07:34 AM via Seesmic for Android
  805. Axelrod has replaced all his Santo candles with Elizabeth candles. Rough fucking week for that guy. Wednesday, December 8, 2010 09:18:48 AM via Seesmic for Android
  806. marinos
    Stephen Marino
    @MayorEmanuel Tell Axelrod to shave that 'stache. 1978 is long over, and he looks like a pedophile. Wednesday, December 8, 2010 09:34:23 AM via TweetDeck
  807. @marinos fuck you. Lose the mustache and you lose the man. Wednesday, December 8, 2010 09:46:51 AM via Seesmic for Android in reply to marinos
  808. Axelrod's taking his heartbreak out in ice sculpture: joining Santo is Elizabeth Edwards, a unicorn, and a fucking sweet T-Rex. Wednesday, December 8, 2010 02:50:19 PM via Seesmic for Android
  809. Also, he's got a fucking knitted mustache pouch to keep his 'stache warm. Wednesday, December 8, 2010 02:51:56 PM via Seesmic for Android
  810. Spending the last night of Hannukah with David Hoffman. It might be Yom fucking Kippur by the time he gets all eight candles lit. Wednesday, December 8, 2010 05:24:14 PM via Seesmic for Android
  811. Jesus fucking Christ, I'm really hoping this liquor I've got can last for eight fucking days, because I may be trapped here that long. Wednesday, December 8, 2010 05:49:29 PM via Seesmic for Android
  812. At this point, I'm holding my hand above the menorah, just to feel something. Wednesday, December 8, 2010 06:22:37 PM via Seesmic for Android
  813. Hoffman finally got the final candle lit. That guy sure does know a lot about the motherfucking Maccabees. Fuck me. Wednesday, December 8, 2010 08:18:53 PM via web
  814. Strategy session for residency hearing: Axelrod says no to pulling my cock out and asking, "You want this shit Chicago style?" Thursday, December 9, 2010 07:49:48 AM via Seesmic for Android
  815. caribbeanscot
    Mario M.
    @MayorEmanuel You mean boiled, with all the workings on it, and never any ketchup? Thursday, December 9, 2010 07:51:13 AM via web in reply to MayorEmanuel
  816. @caribbeanscot the fucking fuck is "workings"? Thursday, December 9, 2010 07:52:24 AM via Seesmic for Android in reply to caribbeanscot
  817. He also says no to pulling down my pants, spreading my cheeks and saying "Eat my motherfucking deep dish." Thursday, December 9, 2010 07:56:30 AM via Seesmic for Android
  818. Fuck you, you motherfucking Senatorial fuck-asses. Thursday, December 9, 2010 03:12:46 PM via Seesmic for Android
  819. Getting ready for the residency hearing tomorrow by drinking every motherfucking thing in the kitchen. Up next: Baileys and dish soap. Thursday, December 9, 2010 06:45:14 PM via Seesmic for Android
  820. Motherfucking pro tip: soy sauce and fucking cognac. Motherfucking amazing. Thursday, December 9, 2010 07:53:16 PM via Seesmic for Android
  821. Axelrod is doing yogurt and beer shooters. Thursday, December 9, 2010 08:09:25 PM via Seesmic for Android
  822. Holy fucking fuck, I need some motherfucking coffee poured directly into my fucking mouth right this motherfucking second. Friday, December 10, 2010 08:05:44 AM via Seesmic for Android
  823. Fucking annoying hearing today that leads to even more motherfucking annoying hearings next week. Democracy is a bitch. Friday, December 10, 2010 04:21:44 PM via Seesmic for Android
  824. Fax from Plouffe : "We need to work on your likeability before your testimony." Faxed him back a picture of my asshole. Friday, December 10, 2010 04:39:48 PM via Seesmic for Android
  825. HermannM
    Hermann Mazard
    @MayorEmanuel Surprisingly, the shear fucking chaos of democracy affords leaders more control than in a goddamn dictatorship. #gofigure Friday, December 10, 2010 04:40:12 PM via Echofon in reply to MayorEmanuel
  826. @HermannM spoken like someone who hasn't lived within 10,000 motherfucking miles of an actual fucking dictatorship. Friday, December 10, 2010 04:45:28 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to HermannM
  827. I don't give a thousand fucking fucks; it is motherfucking finally Friday night. Friday, December 10, 2010 05:15:14 PM via Seesmic for Android
  828. Axelrod and I are filling the house with donuts and seeing if we can eat our motherfucking way out. Saturday, December 11, 2010 09:56:02 AM via web
  829. Motherfuck this motherfucking rain. Saturday, December 11, 2010 02:22:03 PM via Seesmic for Android
  830. KTAndrea
    KatieEukel
    @mayoremanuel Wait. Rain? I can't leave my house in Minneapolis because of an EPIC BLIZZARD. You can shut your mouth now. Saturday, December 11, 2010 02:31:37 PM via HootSuite in reply to MayorEmanuel
  831. @KTAndrea you're the dumb motherfucker that lives in Minneapolis. Saturday, December 11, 2010 04:38:07 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to KTAndrea
  832. Axelrod was waking us up every hour last night as part of his "readiness patrol" and not a single fucking flake hit the goddamn ground. Sunday, December 12, 2010 08:22:25 AM via web
  833. I'm so tired I think I'm going to vomit, and now it's motherfucking snowing like a motherfuck. Sunday, December 12, 2010 08:46:51 AM via web
  834. jollyevil
     
    Channeling @MayorEmanuel - it's gonna take a lot of motherfucking coffee to get me through this day. Sunday, December 12, 2010 11:39:08 AM via web
  835. @jollyevil speaking the fucking motherfucking truth right there. I've already had 14 cups. Sunday, December 12, 2010 11:47:21 AM via Seesmic for Android in reply to jollyevil
  836. Carl the Intern scheduled a fucking presser about education in the middle of a goddamn snow storm and the motherfucking Bears game. Sunday, December 12, 2010 11:48:41 AM via Seesmic for Android
  837. Pretty sure it's payback for making Carl follow Chico around this week pretending to record him, just to fucking fuck with his head. Sunday, December 12, 2010 11:50:49 AM via Seesmic for Android
  838. fuck this motherfucking football game. fuck it right in its snowy motherfucking ass. Sunday, December 12, 2010 04:03:33 PM via web
  839. Motherfucking fucking fuck fuckers. What the fucking fuck game is fucking Cutler fucking playing? Sunday, December 12, 2010 04:24:08 PM via Seesmic for Android
  840. I'm going to go outside and have Axelrod whip iceballs at my cock. Has to be more fun than this motherfucking football game. Sunday, December 12, 2010 04:38:51 PM via Seesmic for Android
  841. Motherfucking Cutler is a motherfucking cocktard. Sunday, December 12, 2010 05:55:35 PM via Seesmic for Android
  842. ashamedtosay
    I am not telling
    @cholmes96 I don't know, let's check. Hey @MayorEmanuel What the Fuck? Plow my street already!!!!! Sunday, December 12, 2010 06:58:22 PM via Echofon in reply to cholmes96
  843. @ashamedtosay @cholmes96 not my fucking job yet, assholes. Sunday, December 12, 2010 07:05:49 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to ashamedtosay
  844. @ashamedtosay @cholmes96 Have you looked at the city budget? At the state of the schools or the cops? Your fucking side street isn't shit. Sunday, December 12, 2010 08:58:51 PM via web in reply to ashamedtosay
  845. Who the fuck replaced Chicago with the motherfucking ice planet Hoth? Monday, December 13, 2010 07:58:45 AM via Seesmic for Android
  846. I know it might not send the right message, but we're taking the Imperial Walker to get to the residency hearing. Fuck the Taun-Tauns. Monday, December 13, 2010 08:29:48 AM via Seesmic for Android
  847. Axelrod just got in from gassing up the Walker and his mustache looks like it was part of the Shackleton expedition. Icicles. Monday, December 13, 2010 08:54:02 AM via Seesmic for Android
  848. Carl the Intern is cramming for tomorrow's testimony with me while Axelrod is out on a pizza run. Going to be a late motherfucking night. Monday, December 13, 2010 06:05:10 PM via Seesmic for Android
  849. Did you know there are 77 communities in Chicago? Motherfucking take THAT, Board of Election Commissioners! Monday, December 13, 2010 06:13:04 PM via Seesmic for Android
  850. Chicago derives its name from the motherfucking Miami-Illinois tribal word for "wild onion." Fuck yes: shikaakwa. Monday, December 13, 2010 06:18:15 PM via Seesmic for Android
  851. Motherfucking flag's four stars: Fort Dearborn, the Great Fire, the World's Columbian Exposition, and the Century of fucking Progress. Monday, December 13, 2010 06:26:38 PM via Seesmic for Android
  852. Fuck studying for this motherfucking testimony. Axelrod's back with pizza and beer. Your honor, it's time to fucking drink. Monday, December 13, 2010 06:32:23 PM via Seesmic for Android
  853. subliculous
    the real liz rudolph
    @MayorEmanuel i've heard it was a corruption of "chekagau" or "land of the big stink". Monday, December 13, 2010 06:21:23 PM via web in reply to MayorEmanuel
  854. @subliculous Carl says you heard fucking wrong. Monday, December 13, 2010 06:33:14 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to subliculous
  855. somepolack
     
    @MayorEmanuel Why aren't you following anyone. Too proud or too democratic? Monday, December 13, 2010 07:06:11 PM via TwitBird in reply to MayorEmanuel
  856. @kwithk really, why would I want to follow any of you stupid motherfuckers Monday, December 13, 2010 07:19:23 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to somepolack
  857. Motherfucking six fucking degrees? Fuck this motherfucking bullshit. Tuesday, December 14, 2010 07:32:44 AM via Seesmic for Android
  858. DJAHa
    DJAH
    @MayorEmanuel What are you going to do about paying taxes for online purchases? Tuesday, December 14, 2010 06:47:37 AM via ÜberTwitter in reply to MayorEmanuel
  859. @DJAHa I think you need to look into what a motherfucking mayor actually does. Tuesday, December 14, 2010 07:36:40 AM via Seesmic for Android in reply to DJAHa
  860. I went out to grab the paper and now my motherfucking balls are frozen to my motherfucking leg. Tuesday, December 14, 2010 07:52:30 AM via Seesmic for Android
  861. Axelrod's outside with a hair dryer trying to unfreeze the fucking fuel line on his Civic. He promises we'll be at City Hall by nine. Tuesday, December 14, 2010 08:19:16 AM via Seesmic for Android
  862. And the Civic won't fucking start. Axelrod, Carl, and I are riding the motherfucking bus. Fucking perfect. Tuesday, December 14, 2010 08:41:41 AM via Seesmic for Android
  863. Frozen balls, riding the bus, and giving fucking testimony to 25 motherfucking assholes. A+ motherfucking day. Tuesday, December 14, 2010 08:45:46 AM via Seesmic for Android
  864. Someone keep count on how many times I "itch" my eye with my middle finger during testimony today. I bet 352 fucking times. Tuesday, December 14, 2010 08:57:43 AM via Seesmic for Android
  865. In the bathroom at City Hall trying to dethaw my ballsack at the hand dryer and Dock fucking Walls walks in. Fuck this day. Tuesday, December 14, 2010 09:12:35 AM via Seesmic for Android
  866. Well here goes motherfucking nothing. Tuesday, December 14, 2010 10:00:13 AM via Seesmic for Android
  867. I swear to god, if Axelrod shows up at lunch break with fucking Subway, I'm going to completely lose my motherfucking shit. Tuesday, December 14, 2010 10:27:02 AM via Seesmic for Android
  868. These questions are awesome. I'll take "Fuck You In The Motherfucking Armpit" for $500, please. Tuesday, December 14, 2010 11:59:06 AM via Seesmic for Android
  869. I am going to drink more alcohol than you can ever possibly imagine when this motherfucking godforsaken shitstorm of a day is over. Tuesday, December 14, 2010 02:12:10 PM via Seesmic for Android
  870. Five hours of this testimony and I've come to one conclusion: People are motherfucking assholes. Tuesday, December 14, 2010 02:57:38 PM via Seesmic for Android
  871. To each one of you motherfuckers asking me questions: in three months I'll be mayor and you'll still just be some dumb motherfucker. Tuesday, December 14, 2010 03:19:23 PM via Seesmic for Android
  872. Some dumb motherfucker... that I hate. Hope you enjoy today. Tuesday, December 14, 2010 03:20:21 PM via Seesmic for Android
  873. Well that's over. Motherfucking fucking motherfuck. Tuesday, December 14, 2010 05:08:06 PM via Seesmic for Android
  874. Off to eat a steak the size of my head, then go home and punch a fucking mirror until my knuckles are motherfucking pulp. Tuesday, December 14, 2010 05:32:14 PM via Seesmic for Android
  875. Holy motherfucking mother of god, I need to swim in a goddamn fucking ocean of motherfucking coffee right fucking now. Wednesday, December 15, 2010 07:24:45 AM via web
  876. davemcclure
    Dave McClure
    Dear @MayorEmanuel: i fucking <3 u so fucking much it fucking hurts. Go Mayor! Wednesday, December 15, 2010 01:48:07 AM via Mobile Web in reply to MayorEmanuel
  877. @davemcclure pull your motherfucking face out of my ass. Wednesday, December 15, 2010 07:34:09 AM via web in reply to davemcclure
  878. Carl the Intern makes this breakfast that's a pancake wrapped around a hard-boiled egg with a sausage stuck through it. Fucking incredible. Wednesday, December 15, 2010 08:22:39 AM via web
  879. TilDthDoUsApl
    J. Day
    I wonder if the only reason @MayorEmanuel didn't stab someone during his hearing was bc @tsagov conducted an enhanced pat down on him. Wednesday, December 15, 2010 08:44:37 AM via web
  880. @TilDthDoUsApl No, I didn't stab someone because I'm a motherfucking professional. Wednesday, December 15, 2010 09:00:00 AM via web in reply to TilDthDoUsApl
  881. Sent Carl the Intern over to City Hall. Operation "Clog Every Motherfucking Toilet in the Fucking Place" is underway. Wednesday, December 15, 2010 09:47:31 AM via Seesmic for Android
  882. All water flows downhill. Those motherfuckers in the basement hearing room will be swimming in shit by 1pm. Motherfucking payback. Wednesday, December 15, 2010 10:13:43 AM via Seesmic for Android
  883. Axelrod's watching video of my hearing and listening to the Tron soundtrack. Looked at me in tears: "Life's easier in The Grid." Wednesday, December 15, 2010 10:43:04 AM via Seesmic for Android
  884. TheAtlanticWire
    The Atlantic Wire
    Is Rahm Emanuel even eligible to run in Chicago? https://theatln.tc/emv0le (paging @MayorEmanuel...) Wednesday, December 15, 2010 11:00:10 AM via HootSuite
  885. @TheAtlanticWire welcome to yesterday. Try to keep the fuck up. Wednesday, December 15, 2010 11:35:44 AM via Seesmic for Android in reply to TheAtlanticWire
  886. davemcclure
    Dave McClure
    @MayorEmanuel kisses, bitch :) #imafanboi Wednesday, December 15, 2010 11:44:29 AM via Twitter for iPhone in reply to MayorEmanuel
  887. @davemcclure it's just really hard to sit with your fucking lips on my sphincter. Wednesday, December 15, 2010 11:49:12 AM via Seesmic for Android in reply to davemcclure
  888. I don't even know how this is fucking possible, but somehow Carl the Intern is stuck in the sewer pipes below City Hall. Fuck. Wednesday, December 15, 2010 02:46:44 PM via Seesmic for Android
  889. Fuck, now Axelrod is fucking stuck under City Hall too. Wednesday, December 15, 2010 03:49:20 PM via Seesmic for Android
  890. Fucking goddamn motherfuck. I'm fucking stuck down here too. All three of us, in the fucking sewers below City Hall. Wednesday, December 15, 2010 04:53:21 PM via Seesmic for Android
  891. cornwuff
    Jim Doolittle
    @MayorEmanuel I’m impressed you have data service down there! Who’s your provider? Wednesday, December 15, 2010 04:58:16 PM via Hibari in reply to MayorEmanuel
  892. @cornwuff motherfucking Verizon. Wednesday, December 15, 2010 05:01:17 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to cornwuff
  893. Someone make a note to remind me that when I'm mayor, first order of business is to fix the fucking City Hall sewer access door latch. Wednesday, December 15, 2010 05:06:53 PM via Seesmic for Android
  894. Downside: looks like we'll be down here for a while. Upside: Axelrod's got like 30 fucking Slim Jims in his fanny pack. Wednesday, December 15, 2010 05:20:44 PM via Seesmic for Android
  895. litescript
    Peter Brown
    @MayorEmanuel the intern lacked the foresight to bring a flask? he'll never make it. Wednesday, December 15, 2010 05:24:36 PM via tGadget in reply to MayorEmanuel
  896. @litescript the fucking fuck would Carl have a flask for, when he filled mine this morning? Wednesday, December 15, 2010 05:26:23 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to litescript
  897. Emptied our pockets: 25 Slim Jims, four packs of Nutra Sweet, three pens, and a fucking pocket guide to Midwestern water fowl. So we're good Wednesday, December 15, 2010 05:38:01 PM via Seesmic for Android
  898. ellengladish
     
    @MayorEmanuel nice seeing you at the matchbox last night! Wednesday, December 15, 2010 05:37:48 PM via Twitter for iPhone in reply to MayorEmanuel
  899. @ellengladish you know, I don't remember a single fucking thing about last night. Blackout. Wednesday, December 15, 2010 05:40:24 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to ellengladish
  900. It's actually kind of beautiful down here. Quiet, except for the sound of water flowing. You forget where you are--until someone flushes Wednesday, December 15, 2010 05:44:32 PM via Seesmic for Android
  901. somepolack
     
    @MayorEmanuel How the fuck are you getting signal down there? It sure isn't #AT&T, they suck all over the city. Wednesday, December 15, 2010 05:43:09 PM via TwitBird
  902. @kwithk Verizon. Can you motherfucking hear me now? Wednesday, December 15, 2010 05:45:53 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to somepolack
  903. Forced open a door and discovered Jane Byrne's secret fucking office. A desk, a wet box of smokes, and a stack of Playgirls from 1981. Wednesday, December 15, 2010 06:57:20 PM via Seesmic for Android
  904. Ate the last Slim Jim. Fucking fuck motherfuck. Wednesday, December 15, 2010 07:31:42 PM via Seesmic for Android
  905. The plan: We're going to ride Jane Byrne's sex dungeon door down this river of shit and on to motherfucking freedom. Wednesday, December 15, 2010 07:42:47 PM via Seesmic for Android
  906. Freedom! We're floating down the middle of Lake Calumet. There's snow in the air and the stench of shit on our clothes. Magical. Wednesday, December 15, 2010 09:19:21 PM via Seesmic for Android
  907. benbradley7
    Ben Bradley
    @MayorEmanuel: at your res. hearing & reading of your fight for freedom from city hall sewer system. Which do u think would make better TV? Wednesday, December 15, 2010 09:29:26 PM via Twitter for BlackBerry®
  908. @benbradley7 How the fuck should I know? You're the stupid motherfucker on TV. Wednesday, December 15, 2010 09:38:40 PM via web in reply to benbradley7
  909. Holy fuck: I've just woken up with a motherfucking raging case of pink eye. I want to claw my eyeballs out of my fucking head. Thursday, December 16, 2010 07:36:14 AM via Seesmic for Android
  910. Axelrod too: he's sitting in the kitchen with a bag of frozen peas on his motherfucking eyes, moaning. Thursday, December 16, 2010 07:41:49 AM via Seesmic for Android
  911. Turns out Axelrod's mostly moaning about having to wait 16 hours until the midnight opening of motherfucking Tron. Thursday, December 16, 2010 07:53:30 AM via Seesmic for Android
  912. That also explains why he's wearing a light-up suit. Thursday, December 16, 2010 07:54:24 AM via Seesmic for Android
  913. imjasondiamond
    Jason Diamond
    @MayorEmanuel I think I'm gonna make the pancake breakfast that Carl the Intern makes. Thursday, December 16, 2010 07:49:20 AM via web
  914. @imjasondiamond it is motherfucking incredible. Thursday, December 16, 2010 07:55:10 AM via Seesmic for Android in reply to imjasondiamond
  915. OniJoseph
    Oni Joseph Poetician
    @MayorEmanuel no swearing? :( Thursday, December 16, 2010 07:56:16 AM via Twitter for BlackBerry® in reply to MayorEmanuel
  916. @OniJoseph a motherfucking light up fucking suit. Does that fucking work for you, you dumb motherfucker? Thursday, December 16, 2010 07:58:56 AM via Seesmic for Android in reply to OniJoseph
  917. Jesus fucking Christ, Carl the Intern just walked in. His eyes look like they're having their fucking period. Thursday, December 16, 2010 08:00:19 AM via Seesmic for Android
  918. (Deleted before I could archive it.)
  919. @a_claire I'm just going to take a wild fucking guess here and say those last two tweets are going to bite you in the ass come job-search. Thursday, December 16, 2010 08:15:33 AM via Seesmic for Android in reply to a_claire
  920. Axelrod just showed me the Tron trailer. Holy fucking fuck, grown fucking adults watch that bullshit? Thursday, December 16, 2010 08:19:09 AM via Seesmic for Android
  921. If Axelrod doesn't stop talking about Tron soon, I'm going to download his fucking ass into a computer for the next 25 years. Thursday, December 16, 2010 11:39:57 AM via Seesmic for Android
  922. You know the best thing about James Meeks? That he fucking opens his mouth. And fucking crazy shit just rolls on out. Thursday, December 16, 2010 12:38:03 PM via Seesmic for Android
  923. KenzoShibata
     
    @MayorEmanuel Why aren't you joining us tonight at the CTU Mayoral Forum? We'd love to have you-- 2260 S. Grove St. Chicago 6:00 PM 12/16 Thursday, December 16, 2010 02:52:09 PM via web
  924. @KenzoShibata just trust me when I tell you that you're looking for the other motherfucker. Thursday, December 16, 2010 02:59:29 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to KenzoShibata
  925. jewcymag
    jewcymagazine
    You're the big winner today @mayoremanuel https://su.pr/APYu0W Thursday, December 16, 2010 02:31:18 PM via TweetDeck
  926. @jewcymag wow, a mention in a list. On the internet. In-fucking-credible. Really. Thursday, December 16, 2010 03:05:07 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to jewcymag
  927. Carl brought Peppermint Mochas and Axelrod drank his, but he's lactose intolerant. Now there's puke down the front of his blinky Tron suit. Thursday, December 16, 2010 03:20:17 PM via Seesmic for Android
  928. Axelrod just threw his light-up Tron Frisbee through the front window. Fuck. Thursday, December 16, 2010 05:36:07 PM via Seesmic for Android
  929. Standing in this line for Tron with Axelrod and Carl the Intern. These fucking light-up body suits are both demeaning and fucking cold. Thursday, December 16, 2010 08:26:07 PM via web
  930. Meeks just rolled up to the theater in like a fucking for-real lightcycle. His red suit looks amazing too. Fucking motherfuck. Thursday, December 16, 2010 08:51:48 PM via web
  931. Carol Moseley Braun just pulled up with full-sized Master Control head fucking glowing on the back of a pickup. We look like fucking chumps. Thursday, December 16, 2010 09:47:22 PM via web
  932. Gery Chico's just dressed like Gery Chico, but that's because he's seeing "Love and Other Drugs." Again. Thursday, December 16, 2010 10:01:19 PM via web
  933. KenzoShibata
     
    @MayorEmanuel We missed you at the @CTULocal1 Mayoral Forum tonight. Thursday, December 16, 2010 10:02:33 PM via web in reply to MayorEmanuel
  934. @KenzoShibata Holy fuck, I missed that shit not at all. Hope you had fun hanging out with the fucking losers that showed. Thursday, December 16, 2010 10:15:21 PM via web in reply to KenzoShibata
  935. juggernautco
    Daniel X. O'Neil
    Whoa wait a minute @MayorEmanuel: you've got an entire NYTimes newspaper box in your crawlspace? https://bit.ly/dW7iBh. You're a badass. Thursday, December 16, 2010 10:53:07 PM via TweetDeck
  936. @juggernautco no, what's badass is that they fucking deliver to it. Motherfucking daily. Thursday, December 16, 2010 11:01:31 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to juggernautco
  937. Motherfucking coffee. Sweet motherfucking relief. Friday, December 17, 2010 08:15:23 AM via web
  938. New slogan: "Don't fuck with a guy with a huge fucking crawlspace. Emanuel '11" Friday, December 17, 2010 08:37:10 AM via Seesmic for Android
  939. Riding in the Civic to hook back up with Ernie Banks. Tonight we're going to fuck this town until it can't walk straight. Friday, December 17, 2010 04:30:40 PM via Seesmic for Android
  940. Fuck this motherfucking week, it's motherfucking over. Friday night, bitches. Friday, December 17, 2010 04:46:05 PM via Seesmic for Android
  941. chrisgeidner
    Chris Geidner
    @MayorEmanuel Not for those in DC dealing with all you couldn't get done before you left. #NewSTART #DADT #DREAMAct Friday, December 17, 2010 04:49:11 PM via Seesmic Desktop in reply to MayorEmanuel
  942. @chrisgeidner Not my fucking fault. They couldn't get it done because they're a chamber of motherfucking cocktards. Friday, December 17, 2010 04:52:26 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to chrisgeidner
  943. Ernie Banks' plan: grab his bat, pick up a case of Old Style, and hit the empties through Halpin's front window. Mr. Motherfucking Cub. Friday, December 17, 2010 05:06:41 PM via Seesmic for Android
  944. You haven't lived until you've driven around with Ernie Banks hanging out your window yelling, "You just got fucked by Mr. Cub!" Friday, December 17, 2010 06:11:59 PM via Seesmic for Android
  945. Ernie Banks is standing in the middle of Ashland, taking swings at cars as they drive by. Seriously considering fucking leaving him here. Friday, December 17, 2010 08:16:04 PM via Seesmic for Android
  946. OK, he's standing on the roof of a cop car, trying to knock the lights off it, yelling "sunshine fucking baseball!" We're out. Friday, December 17, 2010 08:29:30 PM via Seesmic for Android
  947. Motherfucking fuck this Saturday morning meeting in its motherfucking nostril. Saturday, December 18, 2010 08:57:18 AM via web
  948. Plouffe faxed in a suggestion that we "extend an olive branch" to the other candidates. The only thing I'll extend is my motherfucking cock. Saturday, December 18, 2010 09:32:35 AM via Seesmic for Android
  949. AllieRaymond
     
    @MayorEmanuel Hey - Plouffe/cock tweet was actually sorta funny - you are improving! Saturday, December 18, 2010 09:45:43 AM via web in reply to MayorEmanuel
  950. @AllieRaymond the unfollow button is right over there, you stupid fucking shitbag. Saturday, December 18, 2010 09:46:47 AM via Seesmic for Android in reply to AllieRaymond
  951. e_y_w
    gary
    there is "one" person you might consider following, @MayorEmanuel and that's @BarackObama ;) Saturday, December 18, 2010 11:39:40 AM via web
  952. @e_y_w the fucking fuck would the point of that be? That shit is written by a fucking part-time communications staffer. Saturday, December 18, 2010 12:23:57 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to e_y_w
  953. I'm still stunned about the Don't Ask Don't Tell repeal. Figured the Senate was going to stuff it up its ass like they do everything else. Saturday, December 18, 2010 08:41:44 PM via web
  954. That said, Carl the Intern is fucking thrilled. But he still has to wait two more years before he can enlist. Saturday, December 18, 2010 08:52:02 PM via web
  955. Christmas next weekend means fucking meetings all motherfucking day today. Fuck you, Jesus. Sunday, December 19, 2010 11:13:00 AM via Seesmic for Android
  956. I would rather be nailed to a motherfucking cross than sit through another five minutes of this fucking marketing presentation. Sunday, December 19, 2010 11:18:22 AM via Seesmic for Android
  957. Working on writing my last residency briefs for tomorrow. End with just "Fuck You," or "Fuck you, you fucking fucks"? Sunday, December 19, 2010 09:15:03 PM via web
  958. Fuck this--going to bed. Just signed the papers: "Suck it out of my asshole. Yours, Rahm" Sunday, December 19, 2010 09:48:35 PM via web
  959. bernhardkappe
    Bernhard Kappe
    @MayorEmanuel, is doing personal holiday greetings for Chicagoans part of your strategy for winning? Willing to contribute quid pro quo. Monday, December 20, 2010 09:28:56 AM via Twitter for iPad
  960. @bernhardkappe I'm not your dancing fucking monkey. Monday, December 20, 2010 09:38:01 AM via web in reply to bernhardkappe
  961. Axelrod's Civic had its stereo stolen over the summer. Now the radio he lugs around is stuck on the fucking Christmas songs station. Fuck. Monday, December 20, 2010 09:41:19 AM via web
  962. Turned in the last paperwork: Seventeen xeroxes of my cock and three of my asshole. Plus my signature. Done. With. This. Shit. Monday, December 20, 2010 10:00:23 AM via web
  963. SamAbernethy
    Samantha
    So @mayoremanuel, I'm wondering how you got that NYT vending machine for your crawl space. Because that's awesome: https://trunc.it/diwue Monday, December 20, 2010 10:32:11 AM via tGadget
  964. @SamAbernethy no, what's awesome is that they fucking deliver to it. Daily. Monday, December 20, 2010 10:45:01 AM via Seesmic for Android in reply to SamAbernethy
  965. New office. Carl wired the fucking phones wrong, so the calls are for the curry place down the block. Axelrod's tandoori is amazing. Phew. Monday, December 20, 2010 11:50:08 AM via Seesmic for Android
  966. Axelrod's been driving around delivering curry all day, so Carl and I have spent the day playing a fucking wicked game of foosball. Monday, December 20, 2010 05:01:22 PM via Seesmic for Android
  967. ChuckGoudie
    Chuck Goudie
    In Rahm's run for Chicago mayor, #Twitter is peppered with some salacious sites: @MayorEmanuel, @MayorRahm. Column: https://bit.ly/eUO3BK Monday, December 20, 2010 05:23:02 PM via web
  968. @ChuckGoudie Holy fuck, someone paid you to write that bullshit? Monday, December 20, 2010 05:36:14 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to ChuckGoudie
  969. Axelrod just called from "the weathercenter" (what the fucking fuck) to tell us that it's snowing. He pulled over to put snow tires on. Monday, December 20, 2010 05:57:44 PM via web
  970. litescript
    Peter Brown
    @MayorEmanuel axelrod has a tire-mounting machine with him at all times? duly impressed. Monday, December 20, 2010 05:59:05 PM via tGadget in reply to MayorEmanuel
  971. @litescript the man does not fucking fuck around. Monday, December 20, 2010 06:01:16 PM via web in reply to litescript
  972. I'm all for motherfucking winter safety, but Axelrod had better get here with the Chicken Tikka we ordered before kickoff. Monday, December 20, 2010 06:37:45 PM via web
  973. Motherfucking Chicago fucking Bears fucking football. Fuck yes. Monday, December 20, 2010 08:17:45 PM via Seesmic for Android
  974. Hey Farve, welcome to motherfucking Chicago. Monday, December 20, 2010 08:41:12 PM via Seesmic for Android
  975. Halftime and Axelrod's not back with our Chicken Tikka. Still has 15 deliveries to go. All Carl knows how to make are Hot Pockets. Fuck. Monday, December 20, 2010 09:14:26 PM via web
  976. Saney
    Sean Cooper
    @MayorEmanuel They're playing in MN. Monday, December 20, 2010 09:38:00 PM via web in reply to MayorEmanuel
  977. @Saney Wow, who died and made you John fucking Madden? Monday, December 20, 2010 09:39:20 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to Saney
  978. Axelrod just called. The Civic spun out on Elston. With our fucking chicken. Fucking motherfuck these fucking football snacks. Monday, December 20, 2010 09:59:07 PM via Seesmic for Android
  979. Axelrod got the Civic unstuck. Bring that motherfucking chicken home. Monday, December 20, 2010 10:27:34 PM via Seesmic for Android
  980. Post-season, you glorious motherfucking motherfuckers. Monday, December 20, 2010 10:40:24 PM via Seesmic for Android
  981. Axelrod just showed up. 39 seconds to enjoy this fucking chicken. Monday, December 20, 2010 10:43:42 PM via Seesmic for Android
  982. Going to pound a beer and txt Favre a picture of my dick. Bears fuck yes. Monday, December 20, 2010 10:46:27 PM via Seesmic for Android
  983. Holy Jesus fucking Christ, I just threw my back out shoveling that 800 pound snow. Fuck fucking motherfuckers. Tuesday, December 21, 2010 08:02:56 AM via web
  984. stringbot
    Josh Davison
    @MayorEmanuel but you live in a condo Tuesday, December 21, 2010 08:56:57 AM via Twitter for iPhone in reply to MayorEmanuel
  985. @stringbot I'm trying to be motherfucking neighborly. Serves me fucking right. Tuesday, December 21, 2010 09:09:50 AM via web in reply to stringbot
  986. rhondarobinett
    Rhonda Robinett
    haha- Chuck Goudie reports today @MayorEmanuel is"likely an impostor, representing itself as genuine" DUH. There's hard hitting journalism Tuesday, December 21, 2010 10:33:31 AM via web
  987. @rhondarobinett Goudie is an impressively stupid motherfucker. Tuesday, December 21, 2010 11:13:10 AM via Seesmic for Android in reply to rhondarobinett
  988. Holy fucking fuck, I took way too many muscle relaxers for my back. I feel like fucking Gumby. Tuesday, December 21, 2010 12:07:42 PM via Seesmic for Android
  989. Spent the entire day flat on my back tripping on muscle relaxers and not giving a fuck about any fucking thing. It's been fucking glorious. Tuesday, December 21, 2010 08:05:42 PM via Seesmic for Android
  990. urbancasita
    megan 'may' jeyifo
    Just read the last month of @MayorEmanuel's tweets aloud to The Mister. I can't stop laughing. Tuesday, December 21, 2010 08:47:05 PM via Echofon
  991. @urbancasita Jesus fucking Christ, whatever happened to foreplay? Tuesday, December 21, 2010 09:35:40 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to urbancasita
  992. Hey Chico--bend the fuck over, you fucking shitbag. Welcome to the campaign. Wednesday, December 22, 2010 08:44:48 AM via Seesmic for Android
  993. Seriously, who the fuck releases their tax returns when they know they're filled with lobbying cash? You dumb fucking fuck. Wednesday, December 22, 2010 08:50:54 AM via Seesmic for Android
  994. Carl's stepmom just gave all of us tickets to the Nutcracker Ballet tonight. First off: What the fuck. Second off: Should be me on stage. Wednesday, December 22, 2010 03:14:49 PM via web
  995. Busy day driving Axelrod's Civic by other candidate's offices, pelting them with snowballs and yelling "43 points, bitches!" Wednesday, December 22, 2010 03:22:02 PM via web
  996. I'm going to be spending the next two hours figuring out what to wear to the ballet. Nothing is goddamn good enough for those people. Wednesday, December 22, 2010 04:41:23 PM via web
  997. Seriously, you try and try and try, and the Joffrey motherfucking Ballet just fucking judges you anyway. Wednesday, December 22, 2010 05:02:20 PM via Seesmic for Android
  998. Axelrod just showed up dressed in a fucking tuxedo t-shirt. "Let's get this fun over with." Wednesday, December 22, 2010 05:34:13 PM via Seesmic for Android
  999. I went with the straight black tux, tie, and shirt. Black Swan, motherfuckers. Let's do this fucking ballet. Wednesday, December 22, 2010 06:34:08 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1000. Five minutes in, Axelrod's already fucking snoring. Wednesday, December 22, 2010 07:05:35 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1001. Who the fuck is playing Drosselmeyer? He needs to hang up the motherfucking tights. Amateur fucking hour. Wednesday, December 22, 2010 07:17:07 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1002. Seriously, Clara may as well just pull down her tutu and take a shit on the stage. Would be more elegant than her dancing. Wednesday, December 22, 2010 07:29:59 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1003. It's plié, degagé, motherfucking balancé, you fucking cows. Wednesday, December 22, 2010 07:39:51 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1004. I would rather rim James Meeks' asshole than have to endure another minute watching the Mouse King waddle around. Wednesday, December 22, 2010 07:52:29 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1005. You call that a motherfucking sugar plum fairy? Wednesday, December 22, 2010 08:09:28 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1006. mcmamasita
     
    @MayorEmanuel Ballet = expensive nap Wednesday, December 22, 2010 08:16:41 PM via web in reply to MayorEmanuel
  1007. @mcmamasita fuck you, you stupid motherfucker. Ballet = life. Wednesday, December 22, 2010 08:21:43 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to mcmamasita
  1008. Back when I danced, the Joffrey Ballet meant something. Now it apparently means fat fucking fucks floundering around a stage. Wednesday, December 22, 2010 09:52:48 PM via web
  1009. Now I know why they call it the Nutcracker-I feel like my nuts have been fucking cracked in goddamn half. Wake up Axelrod, this shit is over Wednesday, December 22, 2010 09:54:55 PM via web
  1010. ELIGIBLE. Choke on that, you motherfucking bitches. Thursday, December 23, 2010 06:31:58 AM via web
  1011. Been drinking Irish Coffees since two in the morning celebrating this residency shit. Fuck all the motherfucking haters. Thursday, December 23, 2010 07:52:04 AM via web
  1012. All you motherfuckers can stick your motherfucking objections up your ass. RESIDENT, bitch. Thursday, December 23, 2010 08:36:06 AM via web
  1013. Those stupid fucking objectors had to submit their home addresses. Think they'll be getting a visit from the ghost of christmas yet to come. Thursday, December 23, 2010 08:45:12 AM via web
  1014. Fuck yes two times, bitches. Thursday, December 23, 2010 11:56:36 AM via Seesmic for Android
  1015. It's no Christmas fucking miracle, it's a Christmas fucking fact. As real as the motherfucking virgin birth. Believe! Thursday, December 23, 2010 12:20:34 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1016. (Deleted before I could archive it.)
  1017. @gofiliberto No kidding, huh? Who the fuck died and made you the Talmud? Thursday, December 23, 2010 12:51:46 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to gofiliberto
  1018. I feel like a new man. Sent a street boy to fetch the prize turkey. "What, the one as big as me?" No, dumbfuck, the tiny one. Thursday, December 23, 2010 12:54:58 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1019. gofiliberto
    Filiberto Gonzalez
    @MayorEmanuel This is too easy. If you're older than 22, I feel sorry for you. -Shalom Thursday, December 23, 2010 01:02:11 PM via web in reply to MayorEmanuel
  1020. @gofiliberto At some point, you'll stop and say, "Holy fuck, I'm the fucking guy arguing religion with a fake Twitter account." Thursday, December 23, 2010 01:15:52 PM via web in reply to gofiliberto
  1021. TheAtlanticWire
    The Atlantic Wire
    Rahm Emanuel Clears Big Ballot Hurdle: https://theatln.tc/fYQuQz cc @MayorEmanuel Thursday, December 23, 2010 01:40:02 PM via HootSuite
  1022. @TheAtlanticWire it was a low fucking hurdle Thursday, December 23, 2010 01:45:14 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to TheAtlanticWire
  1023. Major upside of this residency bullshit being over: I can stop being folksy at your motherfucking El stops. Thursday, December 23, 2010 03:43:16 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1024. Hey Meeks, too bad your ass got sacked. Thursday, December 23, 2010 04:43:27 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1025. Axelrod and I had a great James Meeks drinking game. Take a shot when he said stupid shit. Could fuck you up in seconds. Thursday, December 23, 2010 05:09:17 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1026. Without Meeks, this race got even fucking boringer. I'm going to be fucking catatonic by motherfucking February. Thursday, December 23, 2010 05:18:20 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1027. Last few hours to be like Meeks and get the fuck out of this race. Stay in and I will make the next two months of your life a living hell. Thursday, December 23, 2010 08:33:43 PM via web
  1028. Plouffe has us out here freezing our fucking asses off bell ringing on State Street. We have a bet going to see who raises the most. Friday, December 24, 2010 10:07:07 AM via Seesmic for Android
  1029. Right now, Axelrod, Carl the Intern and I are getting fucking creamed by the motherfucking bucket drummer kids. Fuck this shit. Friday, December 24, 2010 10:30:26 AM via Seesmic for Android
  1030. Axelrod ducked into the bathroom and came out dressed as one of those silver robot guys. He's going to raise a fucking fortune. Friday, December 24, 2010 11:56:53 AM via Seesmic for Android
  1031. Axelrod must have 100 fucking people crowded around him. I need to step it up here. Sending Carl the Intern to the Christmas tree lot. Friday, December 24, 2010 12:15:06 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1032. 4danlopez
    Dan Lopez
    What do you want for Christmas @MayorEmanuel? Friday, December 24, 2010 12:16:26 PM via ÜberTwitter in reply to MayorEmanuel
  1033. @4danlopez fifty-one motherfucking percent. Friday, December 24, 2010 12:18:41 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to 4danlopez
  1034. etc_etera
    Evan Case
    .@MayorEmanuel ONLY fifty-one motherfucking percent? Aiming low? Friday, December 24, 2010 12:19:41 PM via TweetDeck
  1035. @etc_etera I'm just being fucking generous. It's fucking Christmas. Friday, December 24, 2010 12:23:59 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to etc_etera
  1036. Carl's back from the tree lot. He bought the shittiest tree ever. Hung one ornament and it bent. What a fucking blockhead. Friday, December 24, 2010 12:40:55 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1037. Jankowski60
    John
    @MayorEmanuel Rahmbo... I thought you are a Jew? Friday, December 24, 2010 12:42:46 PM via Mobile Web in reply to MayorEmanuel
  1038. @Jankowski60 pretty sure a guy can ring a fucking bell on goddamn Christmas Eve and not find his foreskin magically reattached. Friday, December 24, 2010 12:55:08 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to Jankowski60
  1039. Goddamn it, that's it: I'm paying the fucking bucket-drummer kids $500 an hour to drum for me. Fuck you, Robot Axelrod. Friday, December 24, 2010 01:14:24 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1040. Final haul from bell ringing: Carl brought in $22. 73; Robot Axelrod, $271.58; my drummer boys, $321.93. They cost $2k. Fucking Christmas. Friday, December 24, 2010 05:16:16 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1041. Merry motherfucking Christmas, you stupid fucking fucks. Saturday, December 25, 2010 08:14:22 AM via Seesmic for Android
  1042. The only thing open in this fucking city is a motherfucking CVS. Axelrod, Carl the Intern and I have been wandering the aisles for hours. Saturday, December 25, 2010 09:20:23 PM via web
  1043. I'm trying to convince Axelrod that we should buy a bottle of Nair and just fucking obliterate his mustache. Saturday, December 25, 2010 09:41:30 PM via web
  1044. We've loaded up our cart with every fucking "As Seen on TV" piece of shit they have here. Snuggies for motherfucking everyone. Saturday, December 25, 2010 09:45:10 PM via web
  1045. Jankowski60
    John
    @MayorEmanuel Don't forget the nacho flavored Doritos! Saturday, December 25, 2010 09:44:04 PM via Mobile Web in reply to MayorEmanuel
  1046. @Jankowski60 Fuck that. Went with the Late Night All Nighter Cheeseburger flavor. Fucking incredible. Saturday, December 25, 2010 09:46:23 PM via web in reply to Jankowski60
  1047. Bought every bottle of lube in the store and are going to coat Davis's office sidewalk with them. Slip and slide, motherfucker. Saturday, December 25, 2010 10:04:12 PM via web
  1048. After that, we're going to head home, do Benadryl shots and play motherfucking Uno. Christmas fucking sucks. Saturday, December 25, 2010 10:09:23 PM via web
  1049. Motherfucking Benadryl hangover. Fuck. Sunday, December 26, 2010 08:50:25 AM via Seesmic for Android
  1050. Motherfuck this snow right in its motherfucking lake effect ass. Sunday, December 26, 2010 09:05:04 AM via Seesmic for Android
  1051. Axelrod is a motherfucking parking-space shoveling artist. They should hang his fucking shovel in the Art Institute. Sunday, December 26, 2010 11:07:03 AM via web
  1052. He's marked his space with 14 lawn chairs, an ironing board, and a pyramid of milk crates. He'll fucking shank someone if they move them. Sunday, December 26, 2010 11:09:37 AM via web
  1053. maureenjohnson
     
    @MayorEmanuel Did you enjoy your Christmas, Mr. Mayor? Did you get anything good? Sunday, December 26, 2010 11:09:58 AM via web in reply to MayorEmanuel
  1054. @maureenjohnson I'm fucking Jewish, you stupid fucking fuck. Sunday, December 26, 2010 11:12:23 AM via web in reply to maureenjohnson
  1055. maureenjohnson
     
    @MayorEmanuel My apologies, sir. I thought people might give you things anyway, as people are idiots. Sunday, December 26, 2010 11:14:19 AM via web in reply to MayorEmanuel
  1056. @maureenjohnson they know fucking better. Sunday, December 26, 2010 11:15:37 AM via web in reply to maureenjohnson
  1057. maureenjohnson
     
    @MayorEmanuel Indeed they should, sir. Thank you for your time, Mr. Mayor. I hope no one fucking bothers you for the rest of the day. Sunday, December 26, 2010 11:16:43 AM via web in reply to MayorEmanuel
  1058. @maureenjohnson that's not fucking likely. Sunday, December 26, 2010 11:17:28 AM via web in reply to maureenjohnson
  1059. Carl the Intern's stepmother just stopped by to drop off an extra pair of snowpants for him. She parked in Axelrod's space. Fuck. Sunday, December 26, 2010 11:34:05 AM via Seesmic for Android
  1060. Axelrod just pulled up, jumped out of his car and keyed "FUCK YOU IN THE ASS" into the hood of her Escalade. Shit. Sunday, December 26, 2010 11:38:17 AM via Seesmic for Android
  1061. 4danlopez
    Dan Lopez
    @MayorEmanuel A REAL chicagoan would have placed a chair in that space. Hmmm... Sunday, December 26, 2010 11:38:03 AM via ÜberTwitter in reply to MayorEmanuel
  1062. @4danlopez it's not my fucking job to catch you up on shit you didn't read. Sunday, December 26, 2010 11:39:25 AM via Seesmic for Android in reply to 4danlopez
  1063. Hey, New York, you just got fucked by the motherfucking Chicago fucking Bears. Sunday, December 26, 2010 03:22:33 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1064. Holy fucking fuck, someone get me a fucking cup of fucking coffee right fucking now. Monday, December 27, 2010 08:36:32 AM via web
  1065. Off to the Millenium Park ice rink. I'm going to show some motherfuckers what the motherfucking Russian Splits are all about. Monday, December 27, 2010 12:29:36 PM via web
  1066. This motherfucking cold weather makes me realize that Axelrod really need to up his fucking knowledge of hot liquor drinks. Monday, December 27, 2010 08:48:39 PM via web
  1067. Spent most of the night last night dumping buckets of water on Gery Chico's car. It's a motherfucking ice cube now. Tuesday, December 28, 2010 10:18:02 AM via web
  1068. This time between Christmas and New Years' may as well be renamed "Who Really Gives a Fuck Week." Tuesday, December 28, 2010 01:39:42 PM via web
  1069. Whoever is advising Davis is doing a motherfucking incredible job. Keep up the fucking fantastic work. Tuesday, December 28, 2010 08:26:43 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1070. Jesus fucking Christ, there is not enough motherfucking coffee in the whole fucking world this morning. Wednesday, December 29, 2010 07:33:27 AM via web
  1071. We're bringing every motherfucking distant fucking relative of Bill Clinton to town, just to make Davis's head explode. Wednesday, December 29, 2010 08:09:20 AM via web
  1072. If your last name even rhymes with Clinton, you're getting a call from Carl the Intern and a ticket to Chicago on the fucking Greyhound. Wednesday, December 29, 2010 08:11:21 AM via web
  1073. We've got a guy named Phil Clinton and another guy named Bill Kimpton on the motherfucking Megabus as we speak. Wednesday, December 29, 2010 08:29:30 AM via web
  1074. Braun, if you want to get in on this bullshit too, know that we've got Hilary Rodman-Klinkton on motherfucking speed dial. Wednesday, December 29, 2010 08:32:38 AM via web
  1075. BujeBaby
    The Real Me
    @MayorEmanuel Don't flame me. On vacation; behind on real news. What is the Clinton/Davis connection? Wednesday, December 29, 2010 08:34:39 AM via TweetDeck in reply to MayorEmanuel
  1076. @BujeBaby Clearly you have access to this amazing fucking thing called the Internet, right? Try fucking using it. Wednesday, December 29, 2010 08:36:30 AM via web in reply to BujeBaby
  1077. Holy fuck! It's actually above motherfucking freezing outside right now. Axelrod's in his fucking Speedo. Wednesday, December 29, 2010 11:18:56 AM via Seesmic for Android
  1078. Motherfucking melt this fucking snow, you motherfucking southernly breeze. Wednesday, December 29, 2010 12:55:21 PM via web
  1079. If it gets above 40 tomorrow I'm putting on a fireproof suit, jumping in a spaceship, and flying up to fuck the glorious sun. Wednesday, December 29, 2010 01:29:32 PM via web
  1080. scarpetablog
    Sharna Marcus
    @MayorEmanuel It's in the 70s in Israel. :) Wednesday, December 29, 2010 01:30:28 PM via web in reply to MayorEmanuel
  1081. @scarpetablog and that helps me fucking how exactly? Wednesday, December 29, 2010 01:31:16 PM via web in reply to scarpetablog
  1082. jsundmanus
    john sundman
    @georgevhulme As @mayoremanuel would say, you better know my motherfucking name! I goddamn built this fucking city on rock and roll. Wednesday, December 29, 2010 07:37:51 PM via web in reply to georgevhulme
  1083. @jsundmanus I guarantee you that I would never motherfucking say that. Wednesday, December 29, 2010 09:12:03 PM via web in reply to jsundmanus
  1084. Fuck these Angry Birds right in their motherfucking feathered fucking vents. Thursday, December 30, 2010 08:04:32 AM via web
  1085. litescript
    Peter Brown
    @MayorEmanuel get the intern to round up a bunch of pigeons. Then play real-life angry birds/angry people. Thursday, December 30, 2010 08:07:44 AM via Twitter for iPhone in reply to MayorEmanuel
  1086. @litescript what a stupid fucking idea. Thursday, December 30, 2010 08:09:32 AM via web in reply to litescript
  1087. Seriously, Carl the Intern left his iPod Touch here and I've been up most of the fucking night playing it. It is motherfucking maddening. Thursday, December 30, 2010 08:10:34 AM via web
  1088. They give you these motherfucking exploding fucking birds, but then they surround the goddamn pigs with fucking stone blocks? Fuck! Thursday, December 30, 2010 10:16:26 AM via Seesmic for Android
  1089. These motherfucking egg dropping birds are fucking driving me fucking crazy. How the fucking fuck am I supposed to control this shit? Thursday, December 30, 2010 11:41:47 AM via Seesmic for Android
  1090. Fuck this bullshit. Fuck this bullshit. Fuck this bullshit. Fuck this motherfucking green pig fortress bullshit. Thursday, December 30, 2010 12:35:02 PM via web
  1091. These fucking boomerang birds might as well be flying up my own motherfucking asshole for all the fucking help they are. Thursday, December 30, 2010 01:52:09 PM via web
  1092. thomascbowen
    Thomas C. Bowen
    @MayorEmanuel if you think the egg dropping birds suck, wait till you get the boomerang pelicans. Thursday, December 30, 2010 01:57:31 PM via TweetDeck in reply to MayorEmanuel
  1093. @thomascbowen Oh, I'm motherfucking right fucking there right fucking now. Fuck these fucking things. Thursday, December 30, 2010 01:59:41 PM via web in reply to thomascbowen
  1094. KosherHam
    KosherHam.com
    @mayoremanuel are you playing #angrybirds again? Thursday, December 30, 2010 01:59:42 PM via HootSuite in reply to MayorEmanuel
  1095. @KosherHam Again? I've been fucking playing since 10:38 last night. Thursday, December 30, 2010 02:00:16 PM via web in reply to KosherHam
  1096. KosherHam
    KosherHam.com
    @mayoremanuel we think you should be sportin this fuckin chicago fuckin flag tee-- https://ow.ly/3whLw Thursday, December 30, 2010 02:03:10 PM via HootSuite in reply to MayorEmanuel
  1097. @KosherHam fuck you and your stupid fucking novelty T-shirt. Thursday, December 30, 2010 02:04:43 PM via web in reply to KosherHam
  1098. These giant bowling ball red birds would be motherfucking amazing if this whole game wasn't fucking me in the ass right now. Thursday, December 30, 2010 03:09:36 PM via web
  1099. How many fucking levels are in this motherfucking game? Eight-fucking-thousand? Fuck. Thursday, December 30, 2010 04:16:51 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1100. I've been awake since 7:45 yesterday morning, and have been playing Angry Birds for the last 19 hours. I fucking hate everything. Thursday, December 30, 2010 05:25:18 PM via web
  1101. All I want right now is a motherfucking cheeseburger and to claw my goddamn eyes out. Instead I'm fucking flinging these fucking birds. Thursday, December 30, 2010 05:29:04 PM via web
  1102. Axelrod just stormed into my room, stomped on the iPod, left and locked the door. He left a bucket behind--the fuck is that for? Thursday, December 30, 2010 06:30:20 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1103. Axelrod and Carl are sitting outside my door, saying "We're doing this because we love you." Fuck them. I NEED MY MOTHERFUCKING BIRDS. Thursday, December 30, 2010 09:46:57 PM via web
  1104. Also, I really need them to come and empty my motherfucking bucket. Because that shit is fucking full to the top. Thursday, December 30, 2010 09:47:37 PM via web
  1105. birds... birds... birds.... bird... fuck Thursday, December 30, 2010 11:28:59 PM via web
  1106. Motherfucking sweet fucking coffee, there is nothing in the world better than you. Except maybe liquor. Or vaginas. Friday, December 31, 2010 08:14:18 AM via web
  1107. New Years Eve, I am going to bust you the fuck open. Friday, December 31, 2010 09:23:14 AM via Seesmic for Android
  1108. Axelrod's walking around wearing these fucking huge 2011 novelty glasses and his Speedo. "I'm the Baby fucking New Year." Friday, December 31, 2010 10:38:40 AM via web
  1109. Carl the Intern's stepmom is out of town, so the party's at his house tonight you motherfuckers. Friday, December 31, 2010 12:45:49 PM via web
  1110. Penny Pritzker just called. Her chef is mixing up some homebrew Four Loko for the party tonight. Motherfucking double caffeine. Friday, December 31, 2010 02:05:43 PM via web
  1111. Ernie Banks keeps popping up on the Caller ID, but we're all trying to avoid him. Motherfucker can not hold his liquor. Friday, December 31, 2010 02:13:36 PM via web
  1112. Oh fuck: "Hey you stupid fucking asshole, guess who flew into town?" It's Ari. He's here. Friday, December 31, 2010 02:16:57 PM via web
  1113. Ari brought guests: Kanye West, three Victoria's Secret models he calls "the underpants twins," and Helen Mirren. Helen's already drunk. Friday, December 31, 2010 03:35:19 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1114. Kanye brought his green bean casserole. Again. "I brought it because it's fucking delicious." Friday, December 31, 2010 03:39:08 PM via web
  1115. Carl's starting to get nervous about hosting the party. Doesn't help that Helen Mirren keeps trying to give him a backrub. "Jusht relacsh." Friday, December 31, 2010 03:55:27 PM via web
  1116. Samurai Mike Singletary just called to find out if it's OK if he brings a dessert instead of a side salad. Fuck. Friday, December 31, 2010 04:06:40 PM via web
  1117. Vince Vaughn just called to say he couldn't make it. Which is weird, because he wasn't invited, because he's a boring motherfucker. Friday, December 31, 2010 04:13:48 PM via web
  1118. Jeff Tweedy brought Pictionary. This party is going to get fucking insane. New Years motherfucking Eve. Friday, December 31, 2010 04:45:51 PM via web
  1119. Holy fucking fuck: Jane motherfucking Byrne just showed up. "This isn't a goddamn endorsement kid, I just need to party." Friday, December 31, 2010 05:53:46 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1120. NUMBER ONE ON THE MOTHERFUCKING BALLOT, BITCHES. Friday, December 31, 2010 07:36:51 PM via web
  1121. Danny Davis just showed up. "Fuck this mayoral shit, I'm here to party!" He's doing body shots off Helen Mirren. Fuck yes. Friday, December 31, 2010 08:01:17 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1122. It turns out Danny Davis is fucking awesome. He and Tweedy are signing "Islands in the Stream" together on the Karaoke machine. Friday, December 31, 2010 09:24:34 PM via web
  1123. Also: Davis makes a fucking amazing drink called "the Leviathan." It's vodka, whiskey, strawberry yogurt, and peppermint schnapps. Friday, December 31, 2010 09:32:10 PM via web
  1124. Kanye and Nobel Laureate Dale Mortensen have been playing beer pong against the Underpants Twins for like two fucking hours. Friday, December 31, 2010 10:10:28 PM via web
  1125. Motherfuck: Ari just lit Carl's stepmom's underwear drawer on fire. Friday, December 31, 2010 10:12:12 PM via web
  1126. Helen Mirren's fired up the motherfucking grill on the balcony. "Whip out your meat and I'll grill that shit." Friday, December 31, 2010 10:37:34 PM via web
  1127. Penny just showed up with her homebrew Four Loko. Davis is downing the tropical fucking punch flavor. Watch the fuck out. Friday, December 31, 2010 10:44:15 PM via web
  1128. Happy New Year, you stupid motherfuckers. 2011 is my goddamn year. But I'll let you borrow it from time to time. Saturday, January 1, 2011 12:03:20 AM via Seesmic for Android
  1129. Holy fuck. Apparently 2011 is going to start with a hangover the size of the motherfucking Sears Tower. Saturday, January 1, 2011 09:25:19 AM via web
  1130. Thank fucking god: Carl's got coffee going and Kanye's making eggs for everyone. "My bacon scrambler is fucking incredible." Saturday, January 1, 2011 09:42:04 AM via web
  1131. (Deleted before I could archive it.)
  1132. @nic_fisher you should know only assholes call it that. Saturday, January 1, 2011 10:10:05 AM via Seesmic for Android in reply to nic_fisher
  1133. mdm219
     
    “@MayorEmanuel: Holy fuck. Apparently 2011 is going to start with a hangover the size of the motherfucking Sears Tower.” WILLIS TOWER!!!!!! Saturday, January 1, 2011 12:02:39 PM via Twitter for iPhone
  1134. @mdm219 You know who calls it that? Stupid motherfuckers and tourists. Which one are you? Saturday, January 1, 2011 12:03:29 PM via web in reply to mdm219
  1135. Jesus fucking Christ: Nobody can get Danny Davis to leave. He's just fucking lying around on the couch watching cartoons. Saturday, January 1, 2011 06:07:05 PM via web
  1136. Need. More. Motherfucking. Coffee. Sunday, January 2, 2011 08:31:53 AM via web
  1137. We are swimming in motherfucking chicken wings over here. This fucking Bears game is fucking on. Sunday, January 2, 2011 03:34:06 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1138. Someone wake me up when they start playing fucking football. Sunday, January 2, 2011 03:58:10 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1139. This boring fucking game can suck on my motherfucking nuts. Sunday, January 2, 2011 05:27:51 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1140. jcgreenx
    Jimmy Greenfield
    This fake twitter account jumped the shark. RT @MayorEmanuel: This boring fucking game can suck on my motherfucking nuts. Sunday, January 2, 2011 05:29:08 PM via ÜberTwitter
  1141. @jcgreenx the unfollow button is right over there, asshat. Sunday, January 2, 2011 05:30:43 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to jcgreenx
  1142. Axelrod just about choked to death on a chicken wing after that motherfucking Packers touchdown. Fuck. Sunday, January 2, 2011 05:32:20 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1143. Fuck the motherfucking Green Bay fucking Packers. Sunday, January 2, 2011 06:06:23 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1144. All-day meeting and someone ate all the motherfucking crullers? Fuck this shit. Monday, January 3, 2011 07:53:16 AM via Seesmic for Android
  1145. Main point of discussion: how little of a fuck do we give about Braun? Axelrod says a cock's-length. I say a twat's-hair. Monday, January 3, 2011 08:22:35 AM via Seesmic for Android
  1146. New slogan: "Because this list of candidates keeps getting shittier: Emanuel '11" Monday, January 3, 2011 04:17:37 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1147. The best part of the next six weeks is going to be watching Carol Moseley Braun slowly fucking self-destruct. Tuesday, January 4, 2011 09:41:31 AM via Seesmic for Android
  1148. Just for fucking fun, I'm going to release my tax returns dating all the way back to motherfucking Arby's. Tuesday, January 4, 2011 09:42:22 AM via Seesmic for Android
  1149. madelynV
    MadelynV
    @MayorEmanuel Say it ain't so... who else will provide me with inappropriate political-entertainment tweets? Tuesday, January 4, 2011 09:20:01 AM via web
  1150. @madelynV the fucking fuck are you on about? Tuesday, January 4, 2011 09:42:52 AM via Seesmic for Android in reply to madelynV
  1151. madelynV
    MadelynV
    @MayorEmanuel local Fox ticker said you'd quit - they have fixed... Tuesday, January 4, 2011 09:48:28 AM via web in reply to MayorEmanuel
  1152. @madelynV if you're fucking stupid enough to watch Fox News, then you get what you fucking deserve. Tuesday, January 4, 2011 09:49:51 AM via Seesmic for Android in reply to madelynV
  1153. Carl the Intern's at the circuit court with three pounds of my shit in ziplock bags. He's tossing 'em if the verdict comes in wrong. Tuesday, January 4, 2011 10:06:12 AM via web
  1154. Driving in Axelrod's Civic. He had to pull over because "I'll Be There," came on. We'll be here for an hour while he cries. Tuesday, January 4, 2011 12:18:05 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1155. RESIDENT THREE TIMES, BITCHES. Tuesday, January 4, 2011 01:24:51 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1156. You motherfuckers want to appeal this shit, go right the fuck ahead. We're on the motherfucking winning streak to beat. Tuesday, January 4, 2011 01:42:34 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1157. We're taking this motherfucking winning streak to the motherfucking boats. Those fucking nickel slots won't know what fucking hit 'em. Tuesday, January 4, 2011 01:56:03 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1158. Won $78.35 at the boats. Going to convert it all to quarters and cram each one up Burt Odelson's motherfucking urethra. Tuesday, January 4, 2011 04:28:39 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1159. sodboy13
    Mike Pries
    @MayorEmanuel So what will you do with the leftover dime? Help pay off one of Braun's four mortgages? Tuesday, January 4, 2011 04:41:25 PM via web
  1160. @sodboy13 the dime is his motherfucking tip. Tuesday, January 4, 2011 04:46:20 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to sodboy13
  1161. I'm so excited to read Braun's tax returns tomorrow that I feel like a motherfucking kid on fucking Christmas goddamn Eve. Tuesday, January 4, 2011 07:45:47 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1162. @kwithk depends if it's for business or personal use, dumbfuck. Tuesday, January 4, 2011 08:49:16 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1163. mdm219
     
    @MayorEmanuel why the fuck do you want to put ads on city busses and fucking taxis? Stop being a homo Tuesday, January 4, 2011 08:59:00 PM via Twitter for iPhone in reply to MayorEmanuel
  1164. @mdm219 have you looked at the completely fucked state of the fucking budget? We'll be putting ads on your asshole before its balanced. Tuesday, January 4, 2011 10:04:46 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to mdm219
  1165. Fucking goddamn motherfuck, I fucking need fucking coffee so motherfucking badly. Wednesday, January 5, 2011 08:26:29 AM via Seesmic for Android
  1166. Staging dramatic readings of Carol Moseley Braun's tax returns. Carl's playing the part of "What the fuck were you thinking?" Wednesday, January 5, 2011 10:19:11 AM via Seesmic for Android
  1167. Axelrod is in tears, he's laughing so fucking hard. "Do the part again where she made no money in 2009." Wednesday, January 5, 2011 10:44:03 AM via Seesmic for Android
  1168. Been trying to think of something nice to say about Bill Daley: His bald head is fucking magnificent. Too bad about the rest of him. Wednesday, January 5, 2011 04:29:14 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1169. SamAbernethy
    Samantha
    Rahm Emanuel is shaking hands at the Quincy brown line stop. I'm sure @mayoremanuel is getting sick of that by now Wednesday, January 5, 2011 05:33:47 PM via Twitter for Android
  1170. @SamAbernethy do you fucking think? Wednesday, January 5, 2011 05:37:10 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to SamAbernethy
  1171. Axelrod just made breakfast. "I call it the Bacon Palace." My heart's going to fucking stop. Thursday, January 6, 2011 07:43:11 AM via Seesmic for Android
  1172. Great. Now Bill Daley keeps calling. He wants me to help pack his motherfucking U-Haul. Fuck. Thursday, January 6, 2011 01:31:03 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1173. "Rahm, it's Bill. Since I've got your old job, and you're getting my brother's old job, I think you can help move these book boxes." Fuck. Thursday, January 6, 2011 02:52:15 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1174. Fourteen motherfucking voicemails like that. I'm tossing this fucking phone in the lake. Thursday, January 6, 2011 02:53:28 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1175. In Axelrod's Civic on the way over to Bill Daley's place to help him move. He'd better have motherfucking donuts. Friday, January 7, 2011 07:55:33 AM via Seesmic for Android
  1176. Daley moved some couch cushions, then started taking fucking calls. "I've gotta get this. Can you move that cast-iron stove?" Friday, January 7, 2011 09:20:30 AM via Seesmic for Android
  1177. Bill motherfucking Daley must have a thousand fucking book boxes. My fucking back is going to be so fucking fucked. Friday, January 7, 2011 09:41:31 AM via Seesmic for Android
  1178. Guess who just had to "duck out on Presidential business," right as we were starting to move his fucking free weights. Friday, January 7, 2011 10:06:53 AM via Seesmic for Android
  1179. (Deleted before I could archive it.)
  1180. @moghza he rented a fucking U-Haul, dumbshit. Friday, January 7, 2011 10:43:38 AM via Seesmic for Android in reply to moghza
  1181. Daley's fucking sea glass collection has to have each fucking piece individually fucking wrapped, first in tissue, then in bubble wrap. Friday, January 7, 2011 11:46:29 AM via Seesmic for Android
  1182. Motherfuck. Bill just came in and had a shitfit because it was supposed to be two motherfucking layers of tissue. Rewrapping now. Friday, January 7, 2011 12:16:42 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1183. Daley's got all his clothes packed in giant motherfucking steamer trunks, like he's setting sail on the motherfucking Titanic. Friday, January 7, 2011 01:31:52 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1184. This motherfucking piano is not going to fit in the motherfucking truck. Friday, January 7, 2011 02:00:13 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1185. We've had to repack this motherfucking truck twice. And the whole fucking time, Bill has been on his fucking phone. Friday, January 7, 2011 05:04:52 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1186. He keeps giving me this "You know how it goes" shrug. And I keep giving him a "Fuck you, you fucking fuck" glare right back. Friday, January 7, 2011 05:07:09 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1187. Fuck all this fucking shit. It's Friday motherfucking night. Let's fucking go. Friday, January 7, 2011 05:37:06 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1188. Holy fucking fuck. I'm sitting in this goddamn massage chair all fucking day. Fuck you if you think I'm moving an inch. Saturday, January 8, 2011 08:39:05 AM via Seesmic for Android
  1189. Motherfuck these tea party fuckholes. For fucking real. Saturday, January 8, 2011 04:37:32 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1190. SamAbernethy
    Samantha
    My favorite part of @thepapermachete was when @ourmaninchicago called @mayoremanuel a "Jewish George Clooney." Saturday, January 8, 2011 05:50:31 PM via Twitter for Android
  1191. @SamAbernethy @ourmaninchicago the fucking fuck does that even fucking mean? Saturday, January 8, 2011 06:03:29 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to SamAbernethy
  1192. ourmaninchicago
    Scott Smith
    @MayorEmanuel @samabernethy C'mon jackhole: don't act like you didn't consider that for your Twitter bio. Saturday, January 8, 2011 06:29:06 PM via Twitter for iPad in reply to MayorEmanuel
  1193. @ourmaninchicago @samabernethy I see a resemblance, but he's nowhere near motherfucking pretty enough. Saturday, January 8, 2011 06:40:33 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to ourmaninchicago
  1194. Axelrod plays a game called "bagel king" where you toss a bagel at his finger. If it lands on it, he eats it. He's eaten fucking eight. Sunday, January 9, 2011 09:53:44 AM via Seesmic for Android
  1195. Jesus fucking Christ. I have been locked in a walk-in meat cooler most of the motherfucking day. My cock is frozen fucking solid. Sunday, January 9, 2011 05:06:06 PM via web
  1196. I'm not even going to dignify how it fucking happened, but fuck me if I'm ever helping Axelrod cook a roast again. Sunday, January 9, 2011 05:09:58 PM via web
  1197. mdm219
     
    “@MayorEmanuel: fuck me if I'm ever helping Axelrod cook a roast again.” Serves you right u should of had fried chicken with Jesse Jackson Sunday, January 9, 2011 05:19:31 PM via Twitter for iPhone
  1198. @mdm219 The fuck are you talking about? That guy eats almost nothing but duck confit. Sunday, January 9, 2011 05:25:20 PM via web in reply to mdm219
  1199. Jesus fucking Christ, waiting for this fucking coffee to brew might just motherfucking kill me. Monday, January 10, 2011 07:48:55 AM via web
  1200. Certainly Crains Chicago motherfucking Business has more to write about than fucking me. Don't the Groupon guys need their diapers changed? Monday, January 10, 2011 08:02:24 AM via web
  1201. The best part about the new "People's Poll" that's out is that 98% of the "people" are just Carl the Intern fucking around. Monday, January 10, 2011 09:20:33 AM via web
  1202. Fucking Christ, Axelrod found a puppy underneath the L tracks today. He named him "Hambone" and has been talking in fucking baby talk since. Monday, January 10, 2011 01:49:01 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1203. This entire afternoon meeting has been taken up by Axelrod talking like he's the fucking puppy. Monday, January 10, 2011 03:28:07 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1204. That said, Hambone is fucking sharp. Really good debate advice. Someone get him a fucking Scooby Snack. Monday, January 10, 2011 03:32:10 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1205. Turns out Hambone is a motherfucking shitting machine. Heading out to "inaugurate" Chico's new offices. Monday, January 10, 2011 05:33:43 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1206. Hey Chico, you just got motherfucking Hamboned. Monday, January 10, 2011 06:13:56 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1207. subliculous
    the real liz rudolph
    @MayorEmanuel that's not all Hambone is. you'll find out. :| Monday, January 10, 2011 05:44:07 PM via web in reply to MayorEmanuel
  1208. @subliculous if you mean fucking adorable, we've already figured that out. Monday, January 10, 2011 06:24:15 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to subliculous
  1209. Machines4Chico
     
    If you had the support of The Machine @MayorEmanuel, we could give you a new middle finger in return for political favors. #ChicagoMayor Monday, January 10, 2011 06:58:31 PM via web
  1210. @Machines4Chico fuck you and your stupid fucking fake account. Monday, January 10, 2011 07:10:29 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to Machines4Chico
  1211. Motherfucking mother of god, whoever the fuck thought snow was a good idea today is fucking dead to me. Tuesday, January 11, 2011 07:33:04 AM via web
  1212. Great. This fucking puppy is scared of the motherfucking snow. He's pissed all over the floor. Hambone sleeps in the fucking Civic tonight. Tuesday, January 11, 2011 07:46:21 AM via web
  1213. RexRedbone
    Not Tom MannisThanks
    @MayorEmanuel Good fucking thing I live in Cook County where could we have so much fun with a New Fucking Mayor Tuesday, January 11, 2011 08:34:12 AM via TweetDeck in reply to MayorEmanuel
  1214. @RexRedbone cook county doesn't have a mayor, you dumb fucking fuck. Tuesday, January 11, 2011 08:48:53 AM via Seesmic for Android in reply to RexRedbone
  1215. Fuck lunch, we're going motherfucking sledding. Cricket Hill, bitches! Tuesday, January 11, 2011 12:07:27 PM via web
  1216. Axelrod is a mustachioed bullet streaking down the side of that fucking hill. Zoo-fucking-oom. Tuesday, January 11, 2011 12:27:16 PM via web
  1217. Carl the Intern's trying to go down standing up, but he keeps fucking falling off backwards. He's going to have a concussion. Tuesday, January 11, 2011 12:30:11 PM via web
  1218. Me, I've fucking puked twice from going down spinnies on a motherfucking disc. Walking up for round fucking three. Tuesday, January 11, 2011 12:31:00 PM via web
  1219. Saul_Chicago
    Saul Garcia
    @MayorEmanuel Who is your field operations manager... I recommend kidnapping Wunder from Chico. Tuesday, January 11, 2011 12:31:53 PM via web in reply to MayorEmanuel
  1220. @Saul_Chicago We just have Carl the Intern do most of that shit. He's got one of those iPhones. It's fucking incredible. Tuesday, January 11, 2011 12:32:44 PM via web in reply to Saul_Chicago
  1221. Axelrod's sledding outfit is one of the leftover luge suits from the Chicago 2016 Olympics photo shoot. Helmet and all. Tuesday, January 11, 2011 12:36:32 PM via web
  1222. When Axelrod gets to the bottom, he jumps off the sled, holds his hands straight over his head, and yells "STUCK THE FUCKING LANDING!" Tuesday, January 11, 2011 12:41:32 PM via web
  1223. Jesus fucking christ, I got half the fucking hill's worth of snow down my snowpants on that last run. Tuesday, January 11, 2011 12:48:08 PM via web
  1224. Last sledding run is a pile-on: Axelrod on the bottom, then Carl, then me, with motherfucking Hambone barking away on top. Tuesday, January 11, 2011 01:03:21 PM via web
  1225. We fucked that sledding hill so hard that it's not going to walk straight for a week. Tuesday, January 11, 2011 01:07:10 PM via web
  1226. Jesus fucking Christ, who replaced the Illinois statehouse with politicians with actual fucking balls? Wednesday, January 12, 2011 08:39:32 AM via web
  1227. vdld
    CV McDonald
    @MayorEmanuel Your profanity reveals you're a boorish cretin! Wednesday, January 12, 2011 08:41:56 AM via web in reply to MayorEmanuel
  1228. @vdld My profanity reveals that I'm a fake fucking account, you stupid fuck. Wednesday, January 12, 2011 08:43:45 AM via web in reply to vdld
  1229. Normally in Springfield everyone's too busy shitting themselves to actually get anything fucking done. What fucking happened? Wednesday, January 12, 2011 08:51:41 AM via web
  1230. Axelrod is making four middle-finger ice sculptures to put in front of Braun's house. One for every fucking mortgage she has. Wednesday, January 12, 2011 10:32:20 AM via web
  1231. Rabbi Lopatin stopped by. He's got a sock full of batteries that is happy to explain to anyone the meaning of "blood libel." Wednesday, January 12, 2011 10:45:33 AM via web
  1232. cowsharky
    cowshark defin
    @MayorEmanuel Your last tweet didn't include the word fuck. Are you ok? Wednesday, January 12, 2011 01:29:43 PM via web in reply to MayorEmanuel
  1233. @cowsharky fucking fuck you, you stupid fucking motherfucker. Fucking happy now, asshole? Wednesday, January 12, 2011 01:39:58 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to cowsharky
  1234. Supposed to read position statements, but instead spent the last three hours listening to that motherfucking Kanye record. Wednesday, January 12, 2011 03:11:03 PM via web
  1235. Plouffe faxed over a list of all the motherfucking "mayoral forums" coming up. I would rather shoot my left ball off than go to them all. Wednesday, January 12, 2011 05:41:46 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1236. KZableh
    Kari Zableh
    @MayorEmanuel your 'Rabbi Lopatin' tweet is the first I've read which did not inc the word 'fuck'. Had to read it twice to make sure! Wednesday, January 12, 2011 06:58:02 PM via ÜberTwitter in reply to MayorEmanuel
  1237. @KZableh Wow, you win a fucking prize. Wednesday, January 12, 2011 07:14:57 PM via web in reply to KZableh
  1238. Motherfuck, this is a fucking hot cup of fucking coffee. I think I just burned my motherfucking uvula. Thursday, January 13, 2011 08:17:05 AM via Seesmic for Android
  1239. Pork chop sandwiches for lunch. Bone-in, bitches. Thursday, January 13, 2011 12:06:24 PM via web
  1240. One day, I'm never going to step foot in another goddamn L stop ever a-fucking-gain. Today is not that fucking day. Thursday, January 13, 2011 05:10:39 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1241. Jesus fucking Christ, let's get this hand-shaking over with. Thursday, January 13, 2011 05:22:38 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1242. Someone needs to carve a portrait of whoever invented coffee into the side of a motherfucking mountain. Friday, January 14, 2011 07:42:49 AM via web
  1243. Debate at the motherfucking Tribune offices this morning. Top on my list of bullshit that I don't want to fucking do. Friday, January 14, 2011 10:58:06 AM via web
  1244. Good thing we're sitting around a table, because I have to squeeze my balls occasionally just to stay awake. Boring fucking motherfuckers. Friday, January 14, 2011 11:00:58 AM via web
  1245. When Del Valle talks, I swear to fucking god it sounds like one of the teachers in a fucking Charlie Brown cartoon. Mwah wah waaah, wah-uh. Friday, January 14, 2011 11:03:13 AM via web
  1246. Hearing Braun talk about austerity budgets is like listening to a fat guy talk about fasting. Stick with what you fucking know. Friday, January 14, 2011 11:08:53 AM via web
  1247. My next response might be to just bang my head on the table until it fucking bleeds. Friday, January 14, 2011 11:11:05 AM via web
  1248. So Braun's plan to get us out of this budget crisis is apparently to pull a motherfucking unicorn out of her ass. Friday, January 14, 2011 11:17:15 AM via web
  1249. The best part about this fucking debate is that Carl the Intern is hanging outside the window on a washing platform, mooning the ed board. Friday, January 14, 2011 11:33:41 AM via web
  1250. Jesus fucking christ, could these questions be more predictable? How we just tell you assholes what you're going to ask next. Friday, January 14, 2011 11:41:40 AM via web
  1251. By all means, let's take time to talk about a motherfucking children's fucking museum. That seems fucking useful. Friday, January 14, 2011 11:43:35 AM via web
  1252. ComfortablySmug
     
    @MayorEmanuel does carl the intern have a twitter account? Friday, January 14, 2011 11:40:08 AM via Twitter for BlackBerry® in reply to MayorEmanuel
  1253. @ComfortablySmug his stepmom doesn't even let him have a cell phone. Friday, January 14, 2011 11:43:58 AM via web in reply to ComfortablySmug
  1254. The worst part about this debate is that Plouffe faxed over a list of words I couldn't say including "dickweed" and "twatwaffle." Fuck. Friday, January 14, 2011 11:46:16 AM via web
  1255. ramsincanon
    Ramsin Canon
    @MayorEmanuel Oh, I get the conceit! Rahm Emanuel supposedly swears a lot. Oh, clever! Friday, January 14, 2011 11:47:01 AM via web in reply to MayorEmanuel
  1256. @ramsincanon I forget: is it class warfare if I tell you to suck it out of my asshole? Friday, January 14, 2011 11:49:08 AM via web in reply to ramsincanon
  1257. nbeaudrot
    Nicholas Beaudrot
    I hope @MayorEmanuel shares my rage at this zodiac bullshit. I'm a motherfucking sagittarius, for chrissakes. Friday, January 14, 2011 11:47:04 AM via Twitter for Android
  1258. @nbeaudrot no you're not, you're just a fucking idiot that believes in fucking fairy tales. Grow the fuck up. Friday, January 14, 2011 11:49:38 AM via web in reply to nbeaudrot
  1259. It took forty-five fucking minutes to get to the parking meter deal. Fucking Axelrod wins the bet--I thought it would take three. Friday, January 14, 2011 11:52:00 AM via web
  1260. How the fucking fuck did I miss 13 installments in the "I Spit on Your Grave" franchise? Well, now I know what Clinton and I will be doing. Friday, January 14, 2011 12:06:55 PM via web
  1261. Wait just one fucking second. I Spit on Your Grave only came out in October. They made 13 more movies in 3 months? I call bullshit, Carol. Friday, January 14, 2011 12:10:44 PM via web
  1262. Well that's a fucking let down. There goes my motherfucking Monday night. Clinton's going to make us watch Saw again instead. Friday, January 14, 2011 12:11:43 PM via web
  1263. Can I get a voucher to skip the next fucking debate? Friday, January 14, 2011 12:22:19 PM via web
  1264. Now Carl the Intern is swinging by the window, flashing double birds. That kid's fucking going places. Friday, January 14, 2011 12:29:15 PM via web
  1265. Apparently, these other fucking candidates won't be happy until I fuck a motherfucking Care Bear. Friday, January 14, 2011 12:39:06 PM via web
  1266. high_number
    Eric Reeb
    Continuity error! https://bit.ly/gwCMr0 RT @MayorEmanuel @ComfortablySmug his stepmom doesn't even let him have a cell phone. Friday, January 14, 2011 12:50:06 PM via web in reply to MayorEmanuel
  1267. @high_number @ComfortablySmug turns out it's a motherfucking iPod Touch. So fucking sue me. Friday, January 14, 2011 12:50:46 PM via web in reply to high_number
  1268. Thank fucking Christ that's over. Now we need to figure out a way to get Carl the Intern down. He's fucking stuck up there. Friday, January 14, 2011 12:56:59 PM via web
  1269. aaronmandersen
    Aaron Andersen
    @MayorEmanuel Carl the Intern's iPhone doesn't count as a cell phone? Friday, January 14, 2011 01:15:32 PM via web in reply to MayorEmanuel
  1270. @aaronmandersen fuck me if it isn't an iPod Touch. No wonder he never answers it. Friday, January 14, 2011 01:42:33 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to aaronmandersen
  1271. Five o'clock, bitches--punch the fuck out. It's motherfucking Friday fucking night. Friday, January 14, 2011 04:58:54 PM via web
  1272. What the fucking fuck kind of name is "Reince Priebus"? Friday, January 14, 2011 05:23:57 PM via web
  1273. MOTHERFUCKING RED FUCKING ALERT: "Reince Preibus" is a motherfucking anagram for "Beer's Epic Ruin." Friday, January 14, 2011 05:30:33 PM via web
  1274. BrianZable
    Brian Zable
    @MayorEmanuel How do you feel about putting ketchup on a hot dog? Friday, January 14, 2011 07:55:59 PM via web
  1275. @BrianZable you're motherfucking kidding, right? Friday, January 14, 2011 08:31:01 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to BrianZable
  1276. Climbing the motherfucking french toast mountain this morning. Tally fucking ho. Saturday, January 15, 2011 09:29:30 AM via web
  1277. shylobisnett
     
    @MayorEmanuel Go for soy bacon, future mayor. We worry about your ticker. Saturday, January 15, 2011 09:46:06 AM via web in reply to MayorEmanuel
  1278. @shylobisnett I worry more about motherfucking flavor. Saturday, January 15, 2011 10:06:50 AM via Seesmic for Android in reply to shylobisnett
  1279. Motherfucking shit fuckers. I just slammed my motherfucking finger stub in the fucking door of Axelrod's fucking Civic. Saturday, January 15, 2011 01:46:34 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1280. Up too motherfucking early this morning. Fuck this fucking bullshit. Sunday, January 16, 2011 08:51:57 AM via web
  1281. Heading down to tailgate at motherfucking Soldier Field. Axelrod's wearing his homemade Staley costume, rigged with a drinking tube. Sunday, January 16, 2011 09:22:13 AM via web
  1282. (Deleted before I could archive it.)
  1283. @sridinats You know how I'm spending my pregame? Not fucking talking to fucking you. Sunday, January 16, 2011 09:24:21 AM via web in reply to sridinats
  1284. We tried to talk him out of it, but Carl the Intern is dressed as a Lovabull. He's going to be fucking cold. Sunday, January 16, 2011 09:26:58 AM via web
  1285. (Deleted before I could archive it.)
  1286. @sridinats Sure, just give me a call: (312) E-A-T-S-H-I-T Sunday, January 16, 2011 09:29:19 AM via web in reply to sridinats
  1287. My giant bottle of Jack costume is too tall to fit on the L. Fuck. If you see a huge bottle of whiskey walking down Milwaukee, that's me. Sunday, January 16, 2011 09:30:15 AM via web
  1288. Axelrod's drinking tube is capped with a funnel. Every block or so, he's stopping and yelling, "PUT IT IN THE FUCKING FUNNEL!! Sunday, January 16, 2011 09:37:30 AM via web
  1289. (Deleted before I could archive it.)
  1290. @sridinats Plouffe handles most of my press. Give him a call: (202) F-U-C-K-O-F-F Sunday, January 16, 2011 09:38:59 AM via web in reply to sridinats
  1291. Axelrod's leading the entire fucking south lot in singing "Bear Down, Chicago Bears" except he's singing it as "Drink Up, Chicago Fans." Sunday, January 16, 2011 10:12:19 AM via web
  1292. Axelrod's doing fucking handsprings in his fucking Bear costume. Sunday, January 16, 2011 10:21:35 AM via Seesmic for Android
  1293. I'm in my giant Jack bottle knocking people down Urlacher-style and yelling "YOU JUST GOT JACK'D." Then we do a fucking shot. Sunday, January 16, 2011 10:43:57 AM via Seesmic for Android
  1294. Carl the Intern just did a routine to C+C Music Factory's "Gonna Make You Sweat" that brought this whole fucking parking lot to a standstill Sunday, January 16, 2011 11:20:09 AM via Seesmic for Android
  1295. You're looking at the motherfucking king of the South Lot kegstands, bitches. Sunday, January 16, 2011 12:00:15 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1296. After all this, nobody's found a fucking ticket for the goddamn game except Carl. Sunday, January 16, 2011 12:03:25 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1297. Motherfucking touch motherfucking down motherfuckers. Sunday, January 16, 2011 12:11:10 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1298. Fuck yes you beautiful fucking team. Sunday, January 16, 2011 12:43:50 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1299. There's a rule that Seattle can just give the fuck up, right? Sunday, January 16, 2011 01:00:34 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1300. Motherfucking Jay fucking Cutler ladies and fucking gentlemen. Sunday, January 16, 2011 01:01:38 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1301. Axelrod's been doing a shot every time Seattle has had to punt. And Bears touchdowns. And time outs. And penalties. He's fucking gone. Sunday, January 16, 2011 01:26:16 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1302. Axelrod was putting on his Staley costume for halftime, but all he could manage was the head before he started fucking puking. Sunday, January 16, 2011 01:40:25 PM via Seesmic for Android
  1303. jcstarzyk
    James Starzyk
    @MayorEmanuel What happened to Carl?! He didn't leave with a large group of men, did he? Those Luvabull outfits are alluring... Sunday, January 16, 2011 01:42:08 PM via Twitter for iPhone in reply to MayorEmanuel
  1304. @jcstarzyk he got a ticket to the game on the fucking 50. We've been watching the game inside some dude's van. Sunday, January 16, 2011 01:43:46 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to jcstarzyk
  1305. jcstarzyk
    James Starzyk
    @MayorEmanuel This game is so fucking amazing it doesn't matter where you're watching it from. Jack bottle costume fit in the van? Sunday, January 16, 2011 01:49:21 PM via Twitter for iPhone in reply to MayorEmanuel
  1306. @jcstarzyk bottle neck fit through the fucking sun roof. Sunday, January 16, 2011 01:53:32 PM via Seesmic for Android in reply to jcstarzyk
  1307. I say we just have Cutler run it every fucking play. Sunday, January 16, 2011 02:02:23 PM via Seesmic for Android